How I made it to 100 days twice.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by vibemaker, Aug 25, 2017.

  1. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    How I made it to 100+ days twice.


    Hello everybody,

    I posted a few success stories here, but this time I want to make a different approach. I want to share my best ways how to avoid a reset/relapse.

    I also avoided the words 'you' and 'we' and decided to write this in first person, cause I think this makes it more intimate, real and inspiring.


    So let's dive into it.



    #1. Having a rough direction / map



    This one is one of the most important ones for me. Whenever I struggled I wasn't clear about where I want to go the next couple of days or weeks. I came to the conclusion that it's necessary for to have like a rough direction where I want to develop myself the next days/weeks/months.

    It motivates me a lot to have something I can look forward to. I call this big road points. That can be a vacation or some important date/interview. It doesn't really matter to me what it is, it just has to be motivating enough to fight for it. I imagine myself in this situation in the future with the all the new freedom and confidence. Who do I want to be?


    #2. Leaving the 'seek & sensation'-mode


    How often I found myself browsing for sensation? Countless times. Like I wanted to find a piece that completes me, gives me the answers to my questions or just to be entertained and happy.

    But at some point the thrill of this search always had an end. All the sensation bringers like social media, online shopping, youtube... are checked. There is no more to look at and I'm exhausted. All that remaines is this empty block ready to type something in it. Now only the king of instant gratification is left: Porn & Psubs to get in a even deeper trance.

    This whole browsing leads to nothing for me. It's just a lot of information I don't need but my brain has to process. It makes me tired, unfocused & depressed.

    Instead I'm trying ground myself. I'm enjoying activities in silence, free of electronics like walking in the nature, drawing or reading. It's like cleaning my harddrive, cleaning my brain from all this online materialism. I can see again.


    #3. The amount of pain always comes back in joy.


    "The days 40-90 are an intense up & down ride for me. Mood swings & Urge ambushes come out of nowhere. The first high of fighting the addiction starts to fade and I'm heading towards a more desert area. In some way it get's more difficult. I start to realize what big holes this addiction left in my life and how it still affects me. I'm feeling all this emotions I haven't felt for years. How do I handle this!? The bitter truth is all I can do is fight. What will I gain when I go back? Nothing. Absolutley nothing. It seems to last forever.


    The next day I wake up and I feel like I'm in a different room. The sun is shining. I made the road through the desert and arrived in a new village. I stand up and I can breathe again. It's a new reality. I'm a new man. And I take a short look back to the desert and say: 'Hell, it was worth it.“


    I gained some new tools I'm on a new level."



    #4. Stop comparing, No more Shoulds


    Thanks to @mreffinsunshine , for pointing me into this direction with one of your posts.

    I'm spending a lot of time thinking about how I should do things. What people expect from me. But the way I do things is actually the thing that differs f.e. my work from others. It helps me develop my style, instead of seeking the likes or meeting the expectations of others, while drifting apart from myself. Cheers from outside mean nothing , when they don't correspond with my inside.


    #5. Sorting things out for more focus and simplicity.


    I think this one already speaks for itself. Getting rid of things I don't need any longer feels so good.

    When I was in doubt I put things into a box and stored it in my lumber room.


    I asked myself "Does this contribute to the experience I want to create?" on every item.



    #6. Bringing awareness to the bubble.


    This is a quote of my very first success stories post. I still find myself in situations like this sometimes. Then the best way for me to realize that relapsing isn't a good idea is to socialize.

    „At about day 30 I made some notes about something I call the „bubble effect“. The „bubble effect“ hits me on days I tend to lay around or surf without a real aim on the internet, bored, not showered, not eaten anything good. It hits when I'm kind of foreclosed of other people and „real-life“. In this moments there isn't really any energy or it's not really floating. And when I'm in this bubble I think I don't need any energy, so I'm about to Press the PMO-Button. And afterwards I'm shocked cause the bubble is gone and everything strikes back in.“



    #7. The personal anti relapse checklist


    I noticed that there are a few things that increase my urges or are the reason for being in a bad balance that leads to urges.

    So I made something like a checklist. So when I'm getting urges I go through this list in my mind and most of the time it's like: „Ah, here it is.“ Few minutes later... Urge gone.


    Here is my checklist:


    • Did I have a good self-cooked meal?
    • Did I have some fresh air / spend some time outside / interacted with people?
    • Did I meditate?
    • Did I work out / do sports?
    • Did I spent too much time in the 'seek & sensation'-mode?
    • Did I have some REAL rest? Rest isn't binging on TV shows etc.
    • Am I comparing myself to other people and lowering my self-worth or feeling like doing something just because other people do it?

    And the most important:

    • Am I thinking in the victim role?


    #8. Meditation

    I watched how easily people get lost in a swirle of negativity. They're in a good mood and suddenly something happens that causes negative thoughts & feelings. And they just can't let go. No, they grab it and don't stop until they're filled with hate. It seems so real. Like they would stop to breath or vanish if they would let it go. With meditation I got the ability to let this things go. To be honest, I still get caught sometimes, but I get back to normal way more faster. Try it!





    Last but not least, I want to thank all the great people who supported & inspired me on this website and beyond! For a PMO-free future!


    Thanks to everybody who took the time to read!


    Peace,

    vibemaker
     
  2. Protagonist

    Protagonist Fapstronaut

    You are an inspiration for me.
    I will definitely try to follow some of the steps.
     
    Beamer, 2525 and vibemaker like this.
  3. Rockyroad

    Rockyroad Fapstronaut

    Thank you for writing such an inspiring and motivational interpretation of your journey. I'm glad that you brought up the 'bubble effect'. For a while, I just thought it was more or less depression taking hold. Even though I don't have strong urges at the moment, I can tell that my body, at times, feels extremely sluggish due to a lack of PMO or excessive dopamine. It can be challenging to get motivated to accomplish your daily tasks. It is one of the most difficult parts of the journey.
     
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  4. I think that the check list is a great idea. Can I steal it from you @vibemaker?
    Congratulations on the wisdom and awareness you acquired, I'm grateful you shared your story. All the best.
     
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  5. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    Thank you guys!

    Ha, of course! ;)
     
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  6. Damn what a nice report!
    Congratulations.


    Thanks for all the tips. Keep going and u will be very happy!
     
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  7. jobbyj

    jobbyj Fapstronaut

    Love this post
    Can relate to a number of things

    Thanks
     
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  8. TQ89

    TQ89 Fapstronaut

    I am on my first day yet i can relate to a lot of things that you have said
     
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  9. You're an inspiration mate !! Thank you & keep going !!
     
  10. Dragonnlife

    Dragonnlife Fapstronaut

    Wow! Finally got a chance to read this and boy oh boy am I not dissapointed! It's all so accurate and I relate so well. Good to see I've got the right idea and even learned abunch of new ones! You've really laid it all out concisely and specifically which helps a monkey brain like mine. Thanks man, you're an inspiration and a great positive force helping drive this recovery train. Peace be with you
     
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  11. dugong89

    dugong89 Fapstronaut

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    Very helpful! Thanks!
     
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  12. Former_CD

    Former_CD Fapstronaut

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    Great insight!
     
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  13. Stopitjack

    Stopitjack Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the the post, I have done over 100 days twice and have relapsed., This is my biggest fear, to relapse again. Most times, when the brain is going I try to redirect. I have done mindfulness and poor attempts at meditation.
    I really do not know what my point is other than thank you for pointing out got plan. I can relate to what you wrote.
    Good luck
    Cheers
    Jack
     
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  14. JamesSmith

    JamesSmith Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your post. I needed this.
     
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  15. Thank you brother for sharing your insights. I can relate to many of the things you mentioned. :) You're awesome, my friend!
     
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  16. falafu

    falafu Fapstronaut

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    good post friends, lots of values that I can follow. Thanks for sharing.
     
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  17. John Msun

    John Msun Fapstronaut

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    Thanks brother for sharing your story it'll come in handy now that I'm aiming for the same results you're describing
     
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  18. Beamer

    Beamer NoFap Moderator
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    Great writing my friend ! :)
    Thank you for sharing it here, stay strong !
     
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  19. Aradesh

    Aradesh Fapstronaut

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    Great job @vibemaker ! I especially liked the bit about leaving the seek&sensation mode. This an area I'm still massively struggling with. I try to at least avoid silly/destructive things and focus on compelling books, informative videos and interesting websites. But I would still enjoy being less in the 'research' and more in the 'production'. How do you do it? Do you mind sharing some tips with us?

    Thanks,
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2018
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  20. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    Thank you guys for your kind words!


    That's a good question my friend. I struggled a very long time with this. I basically quit visiting websites like YouTube and other sites I spend a lot of time on. I used the internet for a lot of information. What I noticed after a while was that I kept reading things over and over again and I can't process this things I read online very good. The scrolling and everything, it feels like fast food to me. So I now only get information I need from books. It calms me down and it's a quality rest for me and informative.

    Also a point that I noticed was that I tended to collect more and more information living in the illusion that if I just found THAT ONE information I would finally change in whatever subject that was (how to be good with girls, spiritual research), whatever... BUT I found that this was just a striving for perfection, that has become unhealthy and the informations just stopped me from taking action. I believe we can only process a certain amount of information, before we get into a overload mode. It's like overeating. If we overeat it takes energy away from our body instead of delivering.

    The thing is there's always this point and if you give attention to yourself, you'll notice it. At this point yourself says I've got enough. I don't want to read anymore, don't want to browse anymore. If you notice this quit in this moment and do something else. Even if it's maybe something important. Just take a rest.
    From experience I can say, if we pay attention to ourselfs, we often end up being more productive and having a better outcome then with overworking. Less is more sometimes.

    Getting into production, that's an interessting topic. I think researching more information can become some kind of hidden procastination. We fear a bad outcome, so we give into the illusion of having to collect more first to minimize the risk of failure. Getting into production mode is like getting over a hill. It needs some effort and discipline. But then we're warmed up and we get into the flow. I think we just have to open ourselfs up for this. Just letting it happen and see where it takes us. I made good experience with journaling your day at the end of day with pen and paper before going to bed and it's said that writing to do lists for the next day, takes a lot of stress off you and leads to better quality sleep, which leads to being more positive and get into action mode more easily.

    Hope this helps.
     
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