How to become a man?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Tekkadan, Jan 28, 2017.

  1. Tekkadan

    Tekkadan Guest

    Since 1.5 years I had the goal of becoming a "man". But I have made little progress. I'm not sure what a man is supposed to be. Am I supposed to have a good body? To know how to fight? To have many masculine skills (repairing stuff etc)? To now show pain or weakness? What about values and attitudes? Any experiences that can help you to "man up"? How do you become emotionally stronger?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2017
    Joshuabf and solsticeboy like this.
  2. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

    Being a "man" is a concept open to interpretation; I think a lot of the stereotypical things that makes someone a man really are not very accurate.

    Most of the things you described are "manly" skills but they should not be your primary focus. You are who you are to a large extent, and you wont be as happy or successful trying to be someone your not. For example, being someone who is good at fighting: if you are someone who wants to get in fights and be able to fight well that is a masculine trait. However someone who seeks to resolve conflict and make peace can be just as much of a man, if not more of a man by taking a mature and responsible approach to a situation in a more honorable way than fighting.

    Having a good body is great but it is whats on the inside in terms of mentality that makes you a man. However a lot of times having a good body is the bi-product of having the right mentality.

    Same thing goes for the ability to fix things or showing physical or emotional toughness. Sure these are stereotypes that may cause you to be percieved to be more manly, but you can be just as much of a man without them. Being sensitive and open and understanding emotionally dosent make you a pussy. Knowing your true self and doing what makes you happy within the patameters of achieving your own success is what makes you a man.

    Courage, patience, discipline, as well as a hardened mind and body are part of being a man but love, care, and compassion are also vital attributes. Dont get bogged down in stereotypes and be true to yourself.

    In my opinion, to man up, you need to be the guy that knows what to do and be the guy people turn to. Someone who has their shit together and is a role model. You do whats right and have a code of ethics you abide by even if its not always in your best interest. Dont succomb to easiness and go the extra mile. Be educated but dont feel like your too good to get your hands dirty. You have your own identity/expectations for yourself and dont let others define or negatively influence who you are. You are confident but also humble. Thats just my interpretation of being a man though, like I said theres not necessarily a definitive answer.
  3. Check out The Way of the Superior Man. Great read.
    IngloriousBasterd1 and Enki like this.
  4. Kennen

    Kennen Fapstronaut

    IMO, if you treat everyone nicely specially the women.
    You're my ideal type of man.
    Kenzi likes this.
  5. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    You become more of a man when you do manly things.
    Fro 29 and Sailor93 like this.
  6. Tekkadan

    Tekkadan Guest

    Examples please.
  7. JesusGreen

    JesusGreen Fapstronaut

    Everyone's opinion and definition may differ, but I'll shed some light on my own:

    A boy wanders aimlessly. A man has a purpose and direction.
    A boy is easily led and influenced by his peers. A man has his own values that he compromises for no-one.
    A boy tells lies to get what he wants. A man has honest integrity.
    A boy talks about his grand plans. A man backs up his words and takes action.
    A boy can rarely see beyond his own needs. A man cares for his community, family, and friends.
    A boy turns and runs from adversity. A man sees it as an opportunity for growth.
    A boy wants money for nothing. A man provides value, which in turn earns him his keep.
    A boy likes when women please him. A man likes when he pleases women.
    A boy is always occupied by the past or future. A man lives in the present, today.

    The first three give you some clues on where you can start. You must have direction, values, and integrity.

    To have direction, you must know where you are going. You don't have to have your life purpose mapped out just yet, but you should have some clear game plan for what you're doing. What are you working towards? If you don't have goals for the next few years, this is where to start. Decide now what you want to be doing 3 years from now, create your 3 year goals, and work back from them to see what you need to be working on NOW to get there.

    Ever had those moments where you get roped into doing something by someone else even though you didn't want to.. simply because you didn't really have an excuse? That happens when you have no direction. When you have direction and a plan in life, then you won't allow people to drag you into their own plans and decide what you do. Instead you'll take the action necessary to work towards your goals: with no distractions.​

    To have values, you need to be have a sort of moral code, and a set of standards. An example of this, that applies to all of us here, is NoFap. NoFap, if you believe it to be effective for you, should be one of your values. Values are the standards you use to live a healthy positive life, that you won't ever compromise, so if NoFap is one of your values, you will stick by it. An example: you meet a wonderful girl, start dating, and you find out she wants you to quit NoFap. A man of no values would simply give it up, not wanting to lose her. A man with values would say: Accept it or leave - since it is something that has positively improved your life, and something you refuse to compromise for anyone else.

    Remember though, values are healthy standards. A value could be that you don't drink alcohol. If that's your value, then it doesn't matter how tries to convince you, you won't drink. You can't do the reverse and saying "being an alcoholic" is your value, that's not a value, because it doesn't bring any value to your life. So don't use values as an excuse to justify unhealthy habits. Use it as a set of rules to govern your healthy ones (NoFap, no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, no cheating, no lying, no eating junk food, no drinking soda, things like that.. you get the idea).

    Another example: You find a wallet on the ground, with $300 in it. You could use the money right now, but one of your values is honesty and doing the right thing, and so you find the owner's address and return it. Someone without those values would simply keep the money.

    Values are basically the things that define you, and the things you will always stick to your guns about. Be like a tree: People move around you, you aren't moved around from your own centre and beliefs by other people. ​

    Integrity is, in its own way, a value - but it's a value that everyone should have. While NoFap might not be right for every person, and completely abstaining from say caffeine might be a value for someone but not someone else - integrity is a value every man should hold. This means being honest, not being a liar, not being a cheat, not using others or stealing from them.

    If you have very little integrity now, then start with small steps, the first and easiest to implement is to make a conscious effort never to lie again. It sounds hard. When I was a teenager, and when I was addicted to drugs, I was the biggest compulsive liar, and so the idea of never lying again to me sounded insane. What I quickly found out though is that being honest all of the time is 1000x easier than lying, and leaves you with none of the problems that lying causes. Plus, a lot of those little issues you try to smooth over with lies, smooth over just fine without them.

    Part of this also means being honest with yourself. A man of integrity can admit when he has problems. Admit when he needs help. Admit when he's made an error and needs to right his wrongs. Being honest with yourself also means being realistic, be ready for tough times, accept that life won't always be easy, embrace challenges.

    It also means keeping your word. Make promises you intend to keep, not empty ones.​
  8. Sailor93

    Sailor93 Fapstronaut

    There is a complete website about manliness. It's called 'the art of manliness'. Check their youtube channel too for a clip that answers exactly your questions. I can't send you the link, because my internet is very limited. But you will find it when you scroll through the channel
  9. hej då

    hej då Fapstronaut

    You already are a man. Fuckit, you are THE Man.
    Let no one tell you what a man is, ESPECIALLY not a broad.
    Because she has no fucking idea what it's like to be a man and what a man goes through.
    Yeah sure treat everyone nicely but don't be a doormat. It's a trap we often fall into by trying to please others.
    You define yourself as a man, not anybody else. Work towards your goals and believe in yourself brother.

    Can I get an amen!?
  10. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

    It's just a figure of speech. Even I have a lot to learn. You'll know when you become a man, and as now, you're on the verge to changing yourself. Everything that you're feeling now will be the opposite (your insecurities, self-esteem, and all that's holding you back). Trust me, you'll know when the time comes.
    Tekkadan likes this.
  11. Haggis

    Haggis Fapstronaut

    Well-put, sir, very well put. @Tekkadan , being a man is about being happy with who and what you are. If you like to build things, then become skilled at building things. If you like to read, read everything you can get your hands on. If you like to play music, master your instrument. Whether you write poetry and dance ballet or revel in hand-to-hand combat and eating raw meat, find what makes you tick, find your happy. That's being a man.
    Tekkadan likes this.
  12. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

    I second this. I got my concept of "being a man" mostly from books. In my view, most of the guys around me act like boys who still want to stroke their ego or else became violent in order to protect it. They acted more like insecure boys rather than mature men.

    The way I see it, the biggest tenets to becoming a "true man" (someone who is considered mature) is someone who:
    • Knows how to regulate his emotions - He has a good idea of what pushes his buttons and actively tries to find ways to act proactively in those moments or avoid them. First he learned to stop himself from doing destructive things with bad emotions. With experience, he learned to use his emotions productively - to redirect the force of emotions towards his own goals.
    • Takes action - yes a man must think, and many do. But unless you DO something with that knowledge, it is basically useless. Men habitually take action on what they know.
    • Faces their fears - This, to me, is the most difficult. I'm sure many of us do too. If you don't learn to face your fears, you will not grow emotionally. It's scary, but it's necessary.
  13. Joshuabf

    Joshuabf Fapstronaut

    Becoming a man is something you develop your whole life, similar to working toward a better person. It is an eternal mission. Act kindly, stand by your convictions, talk quietly but carry a big stick, work hard and be dependable, do not lie. In most simple terms be the very best person you can be and constantly improve who you are as a human being and you will find yourself become a Man.
    Tekkadan, Enki and Sailor93 like this.
  14. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

    That's a great posting you gave.
  15. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

    Someone who talks like that is for sure not a "man" ;)
    Married*2*Dr*Jekyll likes this.
  16. This!!!!! Yup I married a boy.
  17. hej då

    hej då Fapstronaut

    As I said, it's not on you to decide whether somebody is or isn't a man, so spare me your sleazy shaming tactics.
    BTW, if your next response will be as lame as this one then you can consider yourself ignored.
  18. hej då

    hej då Fapstronaut

    You have no one to blame but yourself.
  19. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

    Is that meant to be a complaint? If yes, why did you go into this relationship then?

    And how do you see yourself?

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