For me it feels like I'm a ghost and everything just happens around me. Like all the people are only in my imagination and sometimes I'll wonder if they did say something or it was just my thoughts. And the silent presence of all the things around me. They are and they are not at the same time. For me depression is when the soul dies, but forgets to take the body. Although it feels nothing, this emptiness is also painful. It stings. The pain of emptiness can drive you crazy. And everything just happens, day after day. You stay frozen in the same place and you feel the time swimming around you, teasing you. You're outside the time. To be honest, you're outside of everything. You're separate. Like oil poured into the water. You're close to everything else, but no matter how hard you want to mix with it, you will always be separate. Will you always be lonely? Maybe not. But you always will be alone. Your eyes see and they don't see. Your ears hear and they don't hear. The only real thing is the Emptiness. The absence of being you can feel so harshly. You lose touch. What time is it? What day or month? It's just... another part of the Emptiness. Does it matter which one? They are all the same. Welcome to the world where nothing matters. There is no purpose and no dreams. Only she is real. Only pain is real. The pain of no feelings. The pain of nothing
Poetic. Accurate too. I'd say the primary feeling that comes with depression is emptiness. The feeling that nothing has a point and the belief that this sense of nothingness will eventually swallow everything. You withdraw. Work stops mattering, friends and family stop mattering, things you used to enjoy stop mattering. Life itself becomes an unending stream of meaningless cycles - and that's if you manage to remain functional. The prospect of continuing to live in this state can start seeming like a cruel joke. It saps your energy. It kills your motivation. It dulls your senses. It numbs your brain. Depression is a real cunt.
@Verhart : mind blown writing. every single word fits my depression. it's not just emptiness, it's completely blank, it's scary. i'm dead alive, yet so undone. brain couldn't function. i'm waiting and waiting ... maybe forever. and when anxiety steps in, that means suicide is not far away from me. ...however, what if... there's something beautiful hidden behind this hellish depression... a true beauty....maybe
If u feel depressed just do a favour to yourself and go sungaze for half an hour. u are allowed to sungaze 1hour from the moment the sun rises and 1hour before the sun sets, do it barefoot, spent 3hours into the nature get out of your house.
I think it is very important to realise you're not alone. I remember a particularly bad bout, it was 2am, I had no-one to talk to, no idea what to do just a desire to do something - anything - to alter how I was feeling. I wasn't thinking well enough to call anyone for help but was close to doing something stupid that I knew on some level I didn't want to do so I turned to the Internet, frantically typing what I was facing into Google. I got a lot of standard depression/anxiety/suicide sites, stuff I already knew. Then I clicked on some forum thread from several years ago. As I read the opening paragraph it was like I was reading from my own brain. That sense that there was someone out there that knew what I was facing, that felt like I did, saved me that night. The people responding to the thead offered no solutions, the story never got resolved, I didn't find any instruction on how to alter my own situation as I was hoping for but man... I saved it as a bookmark and sometimes reference it. No idea who the person was, no idea if they managed to find their way through their depression. I really hope they did because I owe them a beer or two. Or a crate.
The big black dog that comes to sleep on your feet and stops you from moving. When he falls asleep you are stuck until he is ready to get up.
When I'm depressed, I move slower than I usually do. I have a hard time getting the motivation to leave the house and sometimes to take a shower. I lose interest in things, I'm usually interested in etc.
You have just described my feelings now, sad for nothing, I can't even describe why I'm sad, I'm just sad. I'm scared I may need pills or something harder, I may even drop university, I can't feel pleasure in life.
Everything seems pointless and stupid and everyone wants you to die. Not even because they have anything against you, they just don't want you eating up resources that could go to them.
tiredness, no drive, anxiety ,ups and downs, negative thinking. Also, a feeling of "sludge" in the brain...
Well, totally NO SHAME into asking for help. Its a sign of intelligence to request assistance. Also, better gobbing a few prescribed pills than dropping your schooling....
Great posts everyone!!! Now we have acknowledged our problem, let's take steps to overcome this challenge and become the people who have meaning and love in their life.
Depression is a combination of hopelessness: things will never get better and helplessness: there is nothing you can do to improve it or stop it
Nothing. No one. Nowhere. Eyes open and I'm lying in bed. Wishing I was asleep again. A gloom envelopes every pore and filters every sight. Day is no longer different from night. Lethargy comes on heavy and I don't know that I can bare this weight. This indifference and solitude is everything. There is no hope or solace. No refuge, just that fake smile and blank, unending stare.
a poem written by a prisoner who had been in solitary confinement for years: Each day in this place is a struggle for him; he’s alive, but not living. He’s feeling everything, feeling nothing, tired of existing, and longing to join those who truly know peace, the dead.
