I lost control, I cant resist the urges

[MHero]

I just relapsed seconds ago.
I was reading a book, then I felt horny, I felt the need to watch porn and enjoy myself.
I couldn't concentrate and resist those ideas. Then I relapsed by watching 1h of porn.

I feel very weak. At the beginning of the year, I was able to reach 20 days easily, now I'm struggling to pass 10 days. What to do? I'm lost. Please help.

I limited porn access on my phone but I can still access it on my laptop. I feel like I don't have the power to fight. Before I wasn't blocking porn and still resist the urges. But now my situation is worse. I'm I going to be addicted forever?

Porn is ruining my life, I'm not happy. I don't know what to do. I want to be free from this addiction.
I won't relapse now.

I feel very sad because I'm doing some efforts, I'm serious about changing myself, but I don't see the results. I mean after one or two urges I fail.

In the morning I meditate, I work hard during the day, I limited my screen time. But it's still not enough to stop me from relapsing.

I'm very sad, life is unfair, why am I addicted to porn I don't deserve this pain. I want to be a normal person.

 

[Financial_Burdens]

Just relapsed too man. I believe the biggest issue both of us share is a lack discipline, and a lack of motivation to conquer what destroyed a streak.

Discipline is a vital pillar needed to grow in this journey, without it we crumble under our insecurities and fears. Discipline will help you fight off your urges, and keep up habits that prevent them in the first place.

But how do you get discipline?

You get discipline by partaking in activities that are hard, and that you don't want to do but know you have to. For example, taking cold showers every day (even as we approach winter), changing to a healthy restrictive diet that will leave you craving for foods (such as zero carb diets), taking time every day to mediate at a specific time, working out even when you don't want to, reflecting on your addiction every day (such as watching "The Great Porn Experiment" by Gary Wilson or helpful videos of nofap), making a list of things you need to do every day and completing that list. The ways you can gain discipline goes on and on, but the general idea is to do the hard things in life with consistency.

While you do already do some of the actions on this list, that may not be enough. You need to partake in things that you struggle to find the will power for but do anyway every day.

The lack of motivation to conquer what made you relapse is a mental leech that will keep on sucking until you pull it off. Motivation can be hard to come by, especially in times of pain. But if you do not pull up the big boy pants and deal with what is affecting you, you will be in a loop for the rest of your life.

I have been in loops where I change close to nothing about my strategy for over a month, relapsing every 2-3 days. Only when I made drastic changes to my schedule and my sources of porn did I notice change in my streaks. Look at what you relapsed to, what caused your relapse and think "How can I get rid of that?" and "I can't get rid of it" is not an answer until you can overcome your urges with discipline.

Also, write down what you are thinking will help improve what you are doing. Write down what is holding you back. Write down where you get your urges from. Write down how you can deal with your urges. Write down what you need to do in life in general. Life is not so complicated and scary once you have a written list.

Also, don't be depressed over a relapse. No matter how unfair life is, it is infinitely better than death.
Listen to some music. Try "Ain't No Big Thing" by Big Kahuna and the Copa Cat Pack.

Now back on your feet soldier, it's time to live your life to the fullest