I need advice about girls

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Shadvirus, May 28, 2020.

  1. Shadvirus

    Shadvirus Fapstronaut

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    So there is this girl I like and I have been talking to her since January. One day we were together she put her head on my shoulders a few times and I gave her back massage (clothes on). Girls don't let any boy do that right? I thought we were getting to be more than friends. Eventually she found out I liked her and she told me that she lost the capacity to care and does not want a relationship. She tried to comfort me by telling me I'm a nice guy, God damn that got me pissed at myself because my game is trash. Since she has been getting clues that I liked her she gradually lost interest. Now it's 2 months later: I still like her, we are still friends who talk weekly. I'm not sure if I should stop talking to her and stop being friends to get over her or what. This is where I need your help. Also can someone tell me why the hell she lead me on?
     
    thinking_differently likes this.
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Basically, you didn't make your intentions clear. You were slowly trying to convince her to like you before you took any sort of risk. That's not attractive or proactive. That's being creepy and passive. That's still where you're at now. You're still hiding your real intentions via gaining more time before you're ready by being her friend. You'll be stuck there until you're willing to take a risk. The risk will either go in your favor or you walk away (unless you truly want to be friends with her, but it doesn't seem that way from what you're saying).

    Stop delaying the inevitable. She's either interested in you or not. Being her friend while having a secret agenda for weeks / months / years isn't good for either of you. Everything you say or do with her will stink of manipulation and lurking in the shadows for a perfect moment that will never come. There's no guarantees in life. Until you stop waiting for one, you'll continue to be stuck being her fake creepy friend who isn't able to let go or accept rejection.

    This is called playing not to lose. Where you don't really lose anything, but you also don't win anything. You dabble, walk on eggshells, and tip toe safely and comfortably around her waiting for the delusional magical moment where she falls in love with you all while never having to take a single risk.

    Take the risk you should've taken 2 months ago. Face the consequences and move on.

    As for leading you on... she probably was interested in you and then lost interest the more she got to know you and especially when she realized you weren't going to take any action.
     
  3. Shadvirus

    Shadvirus Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice mate. I will do that. I didn't realise what I was doing. I always thought the right way to do it was to take it slow. I learnt what I'm doing wrong now.
     
    Chris_Cactusblossom likes this.
  4. jetcat

    jetcat Fapstronaut

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    Well my friend. Im afraid there's nothing you can do. I was in a similar situation. I fell in love with my colleague. I liked her since first time I met her when I came to my new job and eventually we become really close. We had lot of things in common then I missread her signals.. I thought that she likes me too but it was only in my head. When she found that I liked her she told me exactly the same things.. like she wants to be free, she dont want relationship, She dont know how to love and also she had really bad experience from the past with her previous boyfriends. But we really enjoyed each other company and one thing let to another we end up in a bed. At that time I was luckiest man alive but it was only entrance to hell beacuse I really fell for her but she still haven't changed her mind.. She just enjoyed time with me not considering any other attachment. It was horrible for me. I felt like after break up.. everything was so amazing with her.. every second I spent was amazing.. even sex was amazing but she didnt want me. I couldn't do anything.. So my advice for you is that be very very carefull what you are getting into. And if she is not interested in you then the best thing you can do is forget about her and believe me you will get over her eventually.
     
  5. Shadvirus

    Shadvirus Fapstronaut

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    Damn, that sounded rough bro, thanks for sharing it. I will learn from it.
     
    mnqobi sibisi likes this.
  6. jetcat

    jetcat Fapstronaut

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    It really was. I even found out later that she was also seeing other guy. So really messed up. And the worst thing is that I didn't listen others who were saying me to be careful with her. And dont get me wrong. I didn't meant to scare you off. It's just my point of view based on my experience. I know every woman is different, every person on a planet is different but if she repeatedly saying that she dont want relationship it's thin ice you're walking on.
     
  7. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

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    from what i read you understand jack shit about women and relationships.
    ive been there man.
    what changed my life, is reading the book "how to be a 3%man" from corey wayne.
    its free on his website. check it out. but be careful, it will change your universe.
     
    Rev2.0 and Shadvirus like this.
  8. Why do you think this girl is your friend? did she cooked for you? Did she give massage to you? Are you sure that she wants to be you friend?

    And why did you want to be her friend? You want her for what??? To give her a massage?

    Is not that your "game" is trash. You are just very confused.
    You think that you can manipulate the rejection away and you can't.
     
  9. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    @Shadvirus when you like a girl you have to show your intentions to her in the very beginning. Just ask her out and see what happens. If you just talk to her for weeks/months and do nothing about it she is going to think one of 2 things:
    1- you don't like her. She is just going to give up on you, settle to be just your friend or even stop talking to you.
    2- you like her but you don't have the balls to ask her out. She is going to keep you in friendzone while she explore dating confident guys that have the balls to ask her out.

    In this case, option 2 won. Woman are emotional beens, she don't want to hurt you feeling so she told you she is not ready for a relationship and that you are such a nice guy... That's BS, she is ready for a relationship but not with you, just because you acted weak, you were too much of a nive guy for her.

    Stop contacting her, when she contacts you just ask her out to have fun on the evening. if she ask why, tell her because you want to date her and see what happens. If she agree to it just do that, go out and have fun with her and see what happens. This time go for the kiss in the date, that's the only way you are going to stop this only friendship thing.
    If she turn you down for the date just tell her that friendship with her is not more an option for you so you should stop talking to each other and she is free to contact you if she change her mind and want to go out with you and see what happens. If that happens never contact her again and start dating other girls! if she contacts you someday ask her out imidiatly, if she doesn't want to go out, reinforce her the idea that only contact you if she want's to go out, and end the conversation rigth ther. Stand up for what you want, maybe she changes what she thinks about you and you still have a chance.
     
  10. Shadvirus

    Shadvirus Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the advice. I understand now.
     
  11. brod2018

    brod2018 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, sorry to hear that but she basically friendzoned you. you just stayed her friend because it's was the best compromise and the least to hurt your ego. While I really recommend that you stop talking to her it's up to you to see if there is really something for you in this platonic friendship or you are just trying to lie to yourself so you can stay close to her hoping that maybe things will change and she'll become your gf. Try to meet more girls and forget about her. Plenty a fishes in the sea. And she didn't lead you somewhere. You just thought her kindness was a sign of love.
    Haha no, they usually let you do more if you know how to approach it. A girl that is letting you massage her back doesn't necessarly mean that she is romantically/sexually attracted to you. She might be just enjoying it, just like anybody else would.
     
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  12. Shadvirus

    Shadvirus Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the help man. I am refraining from talking to her(replies only if needed) and I think she is too. This should help me get over her. I got exams soon and i sometimes catch myself still thinking about her. As for the friend thing, she's cool and we get along so maybe friends later on but I am not chasing it or expecting anything after this.
     
  13. brod2018

    brod2018 Fapstronaut

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    Good luck with your exams
     
    Shadvirus likes this.
  14. Rev2.0

    Rev2.0 Fapstronaut

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    +1 to this. Corey Wayne is the boss of bosses on this topic. If you don't get his book at least check out some of his YouTube clips. He has 100s out there.
     
    Shadvirus likes this.
  15. TheProcedure

    TheProcedure Fapstronaut

    Couple things here my g. Every interaction you have with her try to focus on just being respectful. Not charming, not sweet, not confident. All of those things will follow if in your mind and your actions you are just being respectful. When respect is the focus, it also helps us stay cool, distant, and calm, and unattached (not clingly).

    Indecisive men are not a vibe. Be on your purpose. How to not find yourself waiting by your phone for texts or craving her reaching out in your mind? Occupy your mind and time with higher, purpose-driven ways to self-improve. Read, learn, grow, work, meditate, exercise, go on walks without bringing your phone, watch tv and just enjoy your own company.
     
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  16. Shadvirus

    Shadvirus Fapstronaut

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    I'll do that with future girls bro. Thanks for the advice
     
  17. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    Huh, all these strategies and stuff... like some rocket science. Like you're trying to diffuse a bomb and you're looking at girls like some alien species. I have to admit, that's a bit funny. I believe it all should be plain and simple, right? It shouldn't be about some instructions on what to do to get a girl. They are human too. If you are asking other guys what to do to get a girl and they give you specific actions you should take instead of telling you that you should work on yourself internally - I believe it's manipulation: 'cause you don't do what you yourself would do, but you try something foreign, something that is not yours to manipulate her into liking you or being into you.

    Now, I believe that a good and deep relationship is based on intimacy and truth. So, if you get a girl this way then if the relationship is to have any chances of success, sooner or later you will have to tell her that you were doing the things you are doing now - asking other guys about advice etc. Now, don't get me wrong, it doesn't have to a bad thing - I think she might even like the idea that you you invested yourself so much to impress her. But I think it's a valid point to remember.

    Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not a dating guru of any sorts. In fact, I would say I'm quite the opposite and I lack a lot of experience in the dating world. That being said, I believe that what I say is true.

    To OP: dude, work on yourself. Learn to take care of yourself first because if you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of someone else (I assume that you would like to be able to take care of your girlfriend)? I don't know, I'm not actively pursuing girls and stuff, but I notice that I do get a fair share of inviting smiles. (I don't act on them, but that's a different story.) Set yourself some goals and work on them. Don't pursue girls. If you want a girlfriend to build a great and deep relationship and spend years with her, start working on securing the future for both of you so that when you meet a proper woman, you can actually rise up to the challenge of living a life together (that's a piece of advice I myself should focus on more, by the way ;) ).
     
  18. skinisblackmetallic

    skinisblackmetallic Fapstronaut

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    Hey Shad,
    I haven't read any of the other replies. Thought I'd give you some old man advice.
    It sounds like you're pretty young and inexperienced. When girls are young they are not really sure what they're doing either but there are some things that are just common to girls and boys dating. You might read up on the basics. Things like attraction is not a choice & dating requires attraction between both people. Attraction happens pretty early. This girl definitely knew whether or not she might like to be your girlfriend back in January. That would have been the time to reveal your romantic intentions.

    This is basically how it works. You see an attractive girl. You strike up a conversation to find out if she is also nice or interesting or cool and also because talking to people is fun. If you still like her after she speaks, you ask her out. At that moment you have revealed your intentions are of the romantic variety and not the friend variety. There are actually no friends in dating. A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail and help you move. Applying friendship to someone you are romantically interested in is kind of shitty to the other person and to yourself.

    If you have known a girl for a while, maybe you can still ask her out... but not after she has formulated a complex sentence to reject you.

    Good luck with the next girl.

    There are two options with a girl you are interested in: ask her out or leave her be.

    For girls who you are not interested in, perhaps they will become a friend one day when you feel like you could call them in the middle of the night to help you jump off your car.
     
  19. LordQuas

    LordQuas Fapstronaut

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    You are in the friendzone, move on. There is a good book you can read
    No More Mister Nice Guy
    by Dr. Robert A. Glover

    You should watch some AMS videos on youtube to get your masculine frame back, Todd V. has really good videos too. If you want to have sex or be in relationship with a girl, don't act as a friend with her. It's a common mistake don't worry..
     
    Shadvirus likes this.
  20. pavloo91

    pavloo91 Fapstronaut

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    With No More Mr Nice Guy I agree - because the book reads about learning how to take care of yourself so that others do not have to pamper you.

    As regards AMS videos... I don't agree. It's like all that weird "game" stuff. Be that, do this, a.k.a. manipulate a girl to want to sleep with you/be with you. You might succeed, surely. The big question, though, is when is the magical moment in your relationship when you stop putting on a mask of an "alpha" male and, basically, being a dick and open up to her as an actual person that you are? Wanna be a real man? Show her your real self - be happy, sad, angry, satisfied, anxious, afraid etc. in front of her. Have the balls to show your vulnerability even at the risk of rejection. You don't like the real you? Well, do something about it, work on yourself, but don't let others tell you what to do with a woman - it's a bit "beta", don't you think?
     
    Shadvirus likes this.

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