I was doing great, two weeks. Until last night... :/

Hey, thanks for the advice! I'm 19 and only first started having HOCD thoughts recently. I know I'm straight, and as far as I can remember, even as a child, I've only been attracted to Women, never men. I've always struggled with general anxiety issues, especially in social settings. Porn Addiction has also been an issue, at the lowest points I would been PMOing 2-3 times a day. But I've been realizing that NoFap won't necessarily solve HOCD, I just want to be able to healthily MO to the point where it doesn't affect my libio or ability to enjoy Sex, which it definitely did. I watched a ton of Porn as a teenager, and that caused me to view women as Sex Objects, not people. Thus, I was often incapable of forming emotional bonds with Women. I'm not entirely sure where my HOCD stemmed from, but I think the stresses of Academics/College, a brutal breakup with my GF of 2 years, a lack of women/sex in my life, and general anxiety issues, triggered something in me. It's been a demon, and even gave me suicidal ideation a couple weeks ago, but I've been doing better recently. I started on Zoloft, which has helped me in the Past, and I joined a Gym as well; like you said, exercise does miracles. I've also picked up Hiking as a hobby, which has been amazing. I haven't tried St. John's Wort, because it won't mix well w/ Zoloft. I often find myself, when I'm anxious, looking back at my childhood and "editing" memories to anxiously convince myself I'm gay. For example, I'll think "Oh, you had an amazing friendship with Bobby, maybe the reason you loved being around him was because you were gay and didn't realize it" Did you ever have that issue? Also, do you have any tips for hanging out with male friends? I'm often triggered by spending time with friends, as I view any laugh, handshake, eye contact, or bond with a dude as illogical proof I'm gay, which makes me anxious around friends. Thanks!

 

Is there anything that you are comfortable doing that a lot of people would not admit to? For example, dressing in tight shorts and practicing being lewd to seduce a woman? Cross-dressing? Liking women in conservative outfits like skirt suits? I'm personally comfortable with the tights and being attracted to a lot of the transgender people on dating sites. I wasn't before. Ask any straight guy to be brutally honest and they'll admit they're frequently among the hottest women on the site. If there is something weird that you have always felt comfortable with, know that it beatsanything you've already mentioned, so you may feel better about those situations as well.

No matter what, thus far you've trained your brain to simply have an anxiety response when hanging out with friends, and you simply need to force your mind to think positive thoughts despite the bodily sensations. "Hey, bro's doin' good" etc. In under a minute, if you've successfully relaxed your mind, then your body will relax and calm down as well! And that sticks with you for a long time afterward!

 

Can't really think of anything I'm comfortable doing that other people wouldn't admit to. Sometimes I talk to myself, like an external self-talk. Some people don't admit that, but I'm not that ashamed of it, because IMO everyone does it; some just do it without realizing it. And that's true as far as friends, I just find it hard to believe that I'm even having to deal with something like this. It takes up so much of my thought processes that it's exhausting. Every now and then, I basically accept that I'm gay, just because I'm tired of fighting the thoughts. I'd never have sex with a man, nor have I ever wanted to. It's just these pestering thoughts that manifest in my head out of nowhere that make me doubt everything and cause me stress/uneasiness and view everything with cloudy vision.

 

I realize I did not address one of your concerns about judging your past behavior, sorry. Children do all kinds of questionable things that adults find cringeworthy, lewd and downright shameful, but kids are generally ignorant of any shame or sexual context, and so were you! If the pestering thoughts are all that remain, try a grueling exercise routine followed by hanging out with some friends. Remember to expect and embrace sensations from the anxiety response instead of checking if you got them. After a minute, it will subside. IT TAKES PERSISTENCE. THIS IS THE KEY, CRUCIAL CONCEPT. When you can do this, your HOCD will be history. Just say to yourself that you WILL have a response, but not for long!

 

the Instagram Explore page is The Devil's Playground.

 

I think a big part of the issue for me is novelty, I've become bored with sexualizing women, haven't been able to find someone better then my ex, and find it hard to be attracted to most women in person. I'm hoping cutting out Porn helps with some of this stuff, But I'm just petrified that I've been living my entire life in denial. I've also recently struggled with Suicidal OCD, Transgender OCD, and POCD. I've beat all of those pretty well, but HOCD has been harder to shake and I'm not sure why

 

I speak from experience. Looking at pictures of girls, even if they're fully clothed is not an option. Basically if it is not a real life human female in your presence you shouldn't be looking at it. If it's pixels, dismiss it entirely.

 

@pngrim thanks for your comment, I see your point but I believe that each person has different reaction to a certain kind of approach. I recommend to everyone who is dealing with this kind of issue try every method available to combat this demon and see what best fits you. In my case for example, I've tried exercise, medication and therapy and they were not as good as this period of hardmode Nofap and meditation together. This is the first time I'm really committed to it and it has been surprisingly good for me. It has made miracles in my life. I also exercise for releasing my sexual energy. Your words makes me want to go back to M, but I know it wont be good for me... I really enjoy M but I know if I give in I will regret afterwards.

We can be all in the same boat but the way we row cannot be necessarily the same. Sharing our own experiences is awesome to help other find their way out of this crap. So thank you for sharing what worked for you.

In my case only Hardmode Nofap brought balance to my mind.

 

Thanks

 

wow that's crazy

 

Yeah likewise, starts being everyday for a week then manage to knock it down to once a week and so on. I went 3 months once! It will be conquered eventually...

 

Hey, I apologize for any way my comment may have distressed you. My intention was the opposite, as you had just Hands-freed and I didn't want you to worry about it if other people didn't think that it was good. 65 days is awe-inspiring, I must say. I think can understand how hardmode can help, especially with quelling any rituals that contribute.

 

I agree with novelty, and cutting porn will absolutely help with private rituals. This is where my advice about embracing doubt will help incredibly to think of positive things unrelated to pornography. This helps incredibly when you're by yourself. HOCD must be harder to shake undoubtedly because of the availability of pornography.