If you are troubling with bad thoughts, anxiety, depression.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Jan 24, 2019.

  1. So ever since i was addicted to porn i have never genuinely been excited or happy about something, whether that be at school or at home, i never wanted to go out, to the mall, to get food, or even at some points i was too lazy and unmotivated to even get a haircut from the barber. In short i was complete wreck, on top of that i started to notice a trend in the way i was thinking about just normal life, everything i thought of was bad, i would never think of the good things in my life, like two loving parents, six loving siblings, a nice home, a good education, many friends etc etc, i started to think i was depressed about a week ago(even though i really wasn't), i cried constantly for three days in row for no apparent reason, i would think of mildly sad thoughts like, my parents are at work most of the time, i never get to spend time with my siblings since they moved out etc etc. one thing i noticed whenever i actually did feel well and calm i would for some reason automatically think of something bad that happened in the past, or i would fear the future as well. And so one day i watched a video called Sadhguru meditation - How To Overcome Fear, Anxiety, Worrying and Stress it pretty much changed my lifestyle. one of the things he said that really helped me was when he said, " how come you have the strength to think about the bullshit but you don't have the strength to think about anything good." in another video which was talking about how to deal with insecurities he said "everyone is going to die one day", "and you can choose whether you want to die happy or die depressed" so i started to socialize with my siblings more, i was helping around the house while my parents were at work, for example i vacuumed the house, i cleaned up the kitchen, washed some dishes, just basic chores to reward myself later like a glass of soda. When my mum/mom came home she was happy, and that made me happy, i stopped masturbating and watching porn all together. I still get negative thoughts every now and then but i get a lot more good thoughts than bad, and that makes me feel good just writing that down. Another thing i wanted to mention was that i started to work out more, instead of being a mix between skinny af and a little bit chubby around the stomach area, i instead started to build muscle which also increased my self esteem.

    Share any similar stories below :D thanks for reading and good luck on your reboot!
     
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  2. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    You're just 14, and you've managed to make this type of insight?
    That's brilliant, @WhataShame , well done!
    Best of luck with your reboot. Make it last!
     
  3. thanks man, sorry if i wrote a little bit too much :D
     
  4. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    Nothing to be sorry about. Write a novel if it helps you!
     
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  5. BigOne79

    BigOne79 Fapstronaut

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    Amazing sir!! This is right up my alley. I just tend to think negative too much which honestly I never did on PMO. That was probably hiding my negative thoughts and by facing them. I have to learn to handle them now. Thanks for the video and keep working hard..
     
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  6. Yeah i slipped yesterday, and i was feeling kind of down again, told my mum i was feeling down, i did not necessarily tell her why, but i just said "i don't know why" she kind of shed some light which was particularly similar to that sadghuru video which i shared. she said to me "if you keep thinking about the bad things you are going to feel down", "think positive". this kind of made me think about successful people out there. you don't see depressed people making millions of dollars, you don't see depressed people becoming doctors or engineers, you don't see successful people out there who are depressed. A goal must be accomplished with a positive attitude, if you complete a goal with a sad or depressed attitude, what's the point of the goal when you still feel like shit. Same thing with nofap, you have to let go of the shame, let go of the guilt, and think positive. One thing that will always keep you going, always focus on that goal, and always imagine what it will be like when you finish it, how good you will feel to finally break free of this addiction. i restarted though.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2019
  7. Coolyorky

    Coolyorky Fapstronaut

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    I’ve been avoiding the media. Yes you should know what is going on in the world but most headlines are negative and sensationalised.

    Take a break from all negativity. We all ave that friend who isnt very bright but is happy.
     
  8. Aware

    Aware Fapstronaut

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    totally agree with others . you are amazingly self-aware for your age. you are on the right path.

    I have two questions.

    Do you meditate daily?

    Regarding the above, do you understand the bio-chemistry in your brain that is the cause of this addiction?
     
  9. Yes i do understand the bio chemistry side of things, like dopamine release or desensitization etc. And no i do not meditate daily, i myself am an Orthodox Christian, i pray daily instead.
     
  10. Aware

    Aware Fapstronaut

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    mediation and prayer are similar in many ways,

    Anyway back to the science question. Do these two 5 minute videos resonate with you? What do you think about them? After you view them if you are interested, I'd be glad to share how I have applied them along with some breathing techniques into a simple little 2 minute ritual that seems to help quite a bit when my brain starts to fake me into thinking I need to watch porn via the urges and cravings.



     
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  11. I'm aware and pretty much understand everything about both videos you have shared. I am however interested in this technique you talked about because i do struggle when i have the urges, i think these fake thoughts as well, i try to convince myself that looking at porn is not bad and i will not relapse when i look at it, then i end up just relapsing anyway. So i feel like your technique may help. Also sorry that i did not reply in time, i was playing some games, i tend to try different things to distract myself away from the feeling of disgust and pmo in general.
     
  12. Aware

    Aware Fapstronaut

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    good. with your knowledge of the biochemistry, lets go to the simple routine to follow.

    I have found acknowledging and changing my relationship with urge/craving is much effect then just trying to fight. So from info I learned in 2nd video , I just created this simple 2-4 minute exercise.

    If you try it out, please let me know what you thought

    NOTE: The breathing here is ABSOLUTELY critical. any previous experience or practice with meditation would be helpful but not required. If no experience with meditation, it would be helpful to google basic meditation or how to meditate, and spend some time learning about and practicing that over the next few days. this will ALL sorts of benefits both as part of breaking addiction to porn and other unrelated parts of your life.

    here is a simple 2 minute routine I have followed each and every time I feel even the hint of an urge or cravings

    1) stop what you are doing , close your eyes, and take a deep (4sec) breath in through your nose. hold for 4 secs, let it out for 4 secs through your nose. Repeat once

    2) As you continue breathing try to step outside yourself and sort of view yourself from a few feet away looking back at yourself. Step outside your own body and look back at the urge as something separate from you. and think carefully about this. How does the urge make your body feel? Does your heart rate go up? Do you feel a tension in your stomach? Observe all parts of your body that feel different with urges/cravings. Focus on what the change is and where

    3) take a deep (4sec) breath in. hold for 4 secs, let it for 4 secs. repeat

    4) This step is better to discuss when you have mastered the others, but you are an intelligent dude, so I'll put it out there and you decide when its time to roll this in. It;s about the first video about the Map. What you are doing in step 1-3 is basically interrupting the neural pathways in your brain that have developed from watching porn. So in step #4 and for a minute or two focus on something else.
    You need to build some new pathways of activity. Guess what... you get to decide what this new activity is. How cool is that ? This could be any positive change you want to see in your life. For me it was strengthening the relationship with my wife. So in this step, I focus on how to romance my wife and let her know how much I love her (NOTHING to do with sex). How much I love her smile and her hair, etc etc. How happy I am that were are married. I found this to be pretty powerful and almost overnight started to change how I interact with here.

    But this could be "I want to exercise everyday", "I want to take up this new hobby", " I want to get an 'A' in all my classes" , "I want to date more" <---- careful with that one. do not morph that into anything sexual, focus your brain on the fun romantic part of dating . maybe even a specific girl you would like to flirt with and how much fun flirting would be and how you would do it, how pretty her eyes are, her smile. again DO NOT turn this into anything sexual. if your mind turns to anything sexual and you start thinking about "other" parts of her body and gets stuck there then maybe stay with excercise or hobby option for now
     
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  13. The last part always get's hard (no pun intended) when you have a porn addiction, i just want to turn particularly away from the weird porn that i have been getting into ever since i developed an addiction, and return to reality, and actual attraction to real females. I have seen stories where men all of a sudden think they are gay or bisexual because their porn addiction had caused them to turn to like shemale or like futanari stuff, one story i saw with a 50 year old guy who started to cross dress and started to have intercourse with men because of PMO.And i definitely and i mean definitely do not want to turn out like that, as in convincing myself i am gay or something even though i am not. But that is why i am here,because i need to take some time to heal and to "reboot" as we say. God i love that word 'heal'.
     
  14. Aware

    Aware Fapstronaut

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    what do you mean by "last part" ?
     
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  15. "I want to date more" <---- careful with that one. do not morph that into anything sexual, focus your brain on the fun romantic part of dating . maybe even a specific girl you would like to flirt with and how much fun flirting would be and how you would do it, how pretty her eyes are, her smile. again DO NOT turn this into anything sexual. if your mind turns to anything sexual and you start thinking about "other" parts of her body and gets stuck there then maybe stay with excercise or hobby option for now

    As in it's very difficult to not be focused on girl's sexual organs when your mind has been so satiated with porn, that is the only thing you think of XD. like i said that is why i need to spend time healing and "rebooting".
     
  16. Aware

    Aware Fapstronaut

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    oh for sure. thats the part I've had the hardest time translating from my personal experience to something that might heloful for others.

    The advantage of mixing that in is that its powerful (its what the porn site ownerd used to addicted us all to porn) thus I wanted to use that same power to rewire my brain back to normal. lets just call adding that hard mode :)

    The dis-advantage is exactly what you say.

    So it is fine line that each person must understand, but focusing number 4 step into something totally different I am sure does the same thing.

    I had the advantage of being married (for a long time) and wanting to improve then relationship with my wife so I am killing two birds with one stone. \\

    Probably easier for me to see her loving / romantic terms, vs physical sex body parts stuff than say a young single dude not in a relationship (or maybe one in a relationship could do.

    She's forged alot of very positive and healthy neural pathways in my brain over 30 years.

    Its all biochemistry :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2019
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  17. All right man no worries, i'm still tackling this addiction strong. It is however getting late i'll be on tomorrow, after i'm done shopping for school stuff since i'm returning from school holiday, Good night, well it's 1am so good morning XD
     
  18. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    It is indeed difficult.
    • Concentrate on the girl's eyes. Try to see her emotions, not her body. A person's eyes can speak volumes, if you listen.
    • When you are tempted to use your peripheral vision to notice her breasts, legs, or whatever part you fancy, concentrate instead on the things around you — furniture, trees, ceiling, sky, whatever is there. The more you concentrate on your environment, the less you concentrate on her body.
    • Notice her words: how she says things, what she really means and feels underneath the words. Become curious about her as a person, not as a sex object (sex objects are boring). Be genuinely interested in her life.
     
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  19. Aware

    Aware Fapstronaut

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    Boom !!! this is exactly what I was trying to say, your words are so much better than mine. can I plagerize that in other posts:)
     
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  20. Mordobarn

    Mordobarn Fapstronaut

    Yes, of course!
     
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