I'm a total loser with girls

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by SparkySub, Oct 28, 2019.

  1. SparkySub

    SparkySub Fapstronaut

    I really can't get girls at all. I try and be myself, kind and sweet - they all like it, then just leave me stranded and use me as a shoulder to cry on. I no longer have the balls to even message a girl at all, never mind even try to build bridges. I need some advice on how to stop being a total loser with girls!
    Homelander, Jrmz94, Metis07 and 2 others like this.
  2. Innervision

    Innervision Fapstronaut

    Unfortunately I don't have any advice, since I also have been on this spot through my life until now. It's frustrating and depressing, and you fell like crap compared to these beautiful girls out there. I always get myself demotivated/angry to show up like I have to sell myself on exchange of some attention of the opposite sex. Things seems so much easier on the other side. I know this sounds like incel bullshit, and a good part it really is, but I can't help myself on felling like that. It sucks.
    SparkySub and FellatiousD like this.
  3. Keep talking to them. You remind me of myself when I was in high school. Don't worry too much about the rejection, be confident and direct. The word "no" isn't going to kill you - if you're a real man, that is. Your profile says you are 19. You'll get there man. Part of it is just being young.

    My greatest piece of advice is to ask yourself: what do I have to offer a woman? If you can't think of anything, it's time to start improving! NoFap is a great way to do that. It will show them that you have dedication and commitment. Women like that. Other things you can do: get shredded at the gym, learn to play an instrument (I play the bagpipes, it's a hell of a conversation starter), and find some other hobbies or ways to improve yourself. Study and get good grades if you're in school - then you can donate a little bit of your time to help some cute girls out if you think it'll help you have a shot with them. The list is endless, my friend!

  4. You fear women too much - we all make that mistake. They're just people, like you and me. They are not these powerful beings we make them out to be. Women fart and get sweaty and do really stupid shit just like guys. They only show us their best side because that's what they get judged on. But they have their insecurities too, and that's fine because we're all humans with flaws. But just remember that they can't hurt you in any way unless you let them. And you'll never get a girlfriend if you don't try. So try please, it's worth it. I promise.

    You may have been doing pull-ups at some point and when it was time to do your last set, you just looked up at the bar thinking, "Fuck, I can't do this! I'm going to die if I do another set!" But you have to do that last set or else you won't make the progress you desire. My point is that you need to push yourself to do the things that are difficult - that seem out of reach - or else you will CERTAINLY fail.
  5. Innervision

    Innervision Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your reply, I totally agree with you. Problem is that's much more clear in theory than in practice.
    FellatiousD likes this.
  6. You have to give them chocolate. I know, I didn't know it, either, but it's true. A lot of men can be charismatic. A lot of men can be charming. But, not all men can give the gift of chocolate. And, it needs to be good chocolate, like home baked brownies.

  7. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

    Just do what Chad and Tyrone do.
    FellatiousD likes this.
  8. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    Dude I used to be just like you when I was your age.

    Now I'm my age and I am still that way.

    If it makes you feel better, sarcasm helps a lot.
  9. That made my day a little brighter. Thanks.

    I've probably had less romantic success than OP so I can't really comment, other than to say that most lives are long and most people are great and I remain perhaps naively optimistic on account of these two facts. But still, feeling like a loser is no fun and I've been there. Just know you're not rotten and you don't deserve to be alone. Hugs from Canadia.
  10. yourhomieishere

    yourhomieishere Fapstronaut

    In my personal experience with dating, I am kinda leaning towards not trying that hard to flirt with girls and get them to date me. It's a low priority right now, I want to improve my own life and be my own person. Now, I'm starting to notice more girls talking to me now that I'm not all hung up on my ex and needing love. I actually even turned down my ex because I didn't want to go through the same crap again. I am stronger.
    Nugget9, koolpal, Metis07 and 4 others like this.
  11. Well done my friend. I'm in the same boat as you - need some personal tweaking before I let myself fall in love again. Finally got over my exes just like you. It's funny, I broke up with all my previous girlfriends because of porn fucking with my head. I couldn't connect to them at all and I was out of touch with reality - I was so attracted to them physically but I felt nothing in my heart when I looked at them. That's the scariest thing that's ever happened to me... the feeling of complete emptiness and lack of emotion. The next time I get into a relationship, I'm going to be my true self instead of some little faplet and a much better partner.
  12. Anubis Rises

    Anubis Rises Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    learn how to truely live your life and everything you wish well become part of your life
    koolpal, SparkySub and Coffee Candy like this.
  13. yourhomieishere

    yourhomieishere Fapstronaut

    That's good that you recognized that the relationship was unhealthy and that you admitted to your hand in that. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you did something wrong that hindered the relationship. Usually, it's always "the other person's fault". I hope you the best in your dating life and that you can find a good relationship.
    Nugget9, SparkySub and FellatiousD like this.
  14. I will find a good relationship. I'm a better person every single day. And since I started NoFap, all the love and emotion that I threw away... I'm starting to regain all of it. And now I'm ready to pour all this love and devotion and emotion into something other than porn. I'll pour it all into the person I fall in love with. And we'll be glad we met. I'm sure of it.
  15. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

    ^^This is the best advice you'll get. Make dating low priority and being somebody, high. Nice guys dont get anywhere cause they're lives center around the girl and being in a relationship. You'll attract more girls if you dont adopt that attitude.
  16. SparkySub

    SparkySub Fapstronaut

    Thanks for all the replies guys. I have started building bridges with a girl the past few days and hopefully I can maintain this. The advice has come in handy!
  17. Read The Skill of Lure. It's a funny manga, that is about a dude who is being really bad with girls, and this other dude helps him out. It's really helpful, I've recommended it to a bunch of my friends and it looks like they're getting better with the girls since then.
    Nugget9 and SparkySub like this.
  18. Varu

    Varu Fapstronaut

    Hi there are some tricks that have helped me knowingly or unknowingly,
    1) Dont be desperate to them:-message them once.keep the chatting short,like 7-8 messages once.pls note leave texting if the reply is boring from the other side.
    2)This should be first actually,appear to be busy and jolly amongst your own friends,this trick works best when with friends and the girl of your choice is in a proximity of noticing you.....also send casual eye contact.
    3)Be confident my friend over 95% of battle is won when you are confident.
    4)Get to know her, her personal life,her strengths,her beliefs,her weakness......if she shares you her weaknesses:- now my friend is the game on....you might end up getting a gf or you might end up in friendzone.So just show you care for her.shush her and take her out.;)
    5) If she starts bitching about her friends,listen to some then shush her up and say BOLDLY pls "I am interested in you not your friends"

    be very careful on the 5th piece of advice coz these are very late steps.

    There is more just HMU when you get past these steps.

    And pls these steps are based on personal experience and pls keep in mind never get too despo,learn to say no,and dont take having girls too seriously.....when you appear to be busy u actually have to be busy.
    best of luck ;)
    SparkySub likes this.
  19. I don't think it's the fact that you're scared of women.
    I think it's the fact that you're scared of them seeing the actual "you", the person behind closed doors etc.

    Just because you aren't getting anywhere with women doesn't mean you're a loser. A lot of people use the word "loser" in ways that they shouldn't. The only way I could say that would make you an actual loser is, excluding effects of depression and personality/mental disorders, you letting your life slip and not doing a single fucking thing about it, you putting out toxic energy and making people around you feel uncomfortable all the time.

    You shouldn't measure your worth based off of your success with women. I'm a bit overweight, have major trust issues because of my ex-girlfriend, getting therapy and starting to pick pieces of my life back up after being depressed for years and letting it go unchecked. I thought I was shit scared of women but that really isn't the case because if I was shit scared of women, I wouldn't be able to approach a woman to make my order at let's say a cafe or McDonalds. I've had a couple of women find interest in me but I didn't allow myself to get into anything because I needed to focus on myself, I couldn't risk focusing on myself and another person, I had to put myself first before anyone for the first time. You just don't want them to see the actual you.

    It's because you don't see yourself where you want to be, you feel like you're this ball of filth that no woman would want to be around or hang out with, so you end up sabotaging yourself and putting a barrier between yourself and women.

    As for advice man, a lot of people say this and I will reiterate what they say.
    Be confident and be yourself.

    Being yourself is your personality, who you are as a person, how you behave, the things you do and enjoy doing etc, basically all the things in life that make you, you.
    Being confident is literally owning every single aspect of your personality. An example, lets say you're very passionate about flying drones or RC Planes as a hobby. Own that shit, say it with pride, express how happy it makes you and how much joy it brings to your life when you do it.
    Being confident isn't all about approaching a women and saying "Hi lets sex tonight bing bang boom", it's literally you owning your shit to the fucking core, nothing else.
  20. Here's the best tip i can give you. Quit chasing girls. Yep, that's right, quit chasing girls. But hold on, before you roll your eyes and think this is a bs advice let me explain ...i mean this is entirely up to you how you're going to take it, but this works for me.

    You need to stop obsessing over girls and obtaining girls. Your value is not determined on how much girls you're getting, this is something that's spread in popular culture fueled by porn, entertainment industry etc. In the end, it only makes you feel bad.

    Girls most certainly like guys with goals, ambitions, drive, confidence etc. These are just few enlisted traits that you obtain through self development. By focusing on improving your own, mind, body, mindset, spirituality etc. Fixing your problems and so on you will then obtain and learn way more things about yourself that will most likely help you further in your life, this means you will most likely be more happier, satisfied, confident and so on.

    As the time keeps passing by and you obtain more healthy habits, expand your knowledge ...you will form yourself into a really great person. You perhaps already possess good qualities, now its up to you to keep improving.

    I said this before, and i'll keep saying it: Do not chase girls, attract them. Focus on fixing the problem you have with your porn addiction and implement way more beneficial healthy habits in your life, set the girl frustration aside do yourself a favor. Time for having a lot of girls at your disposal will come, just focus on yourself for now.

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