I'm back, but plot twist, I'm not a woman anymore

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by amberfy, Oct 19, 2020.

  1. amberfy

    amberfy Fapstronaut

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    I joined three years ago as a femstronaut with the plan to reboot for thirty days, lasted about half a week, then left. In those three years, I realized I'm a guy.
    I'm going to start testosterone later this month (in eight days). HRT for trans guys causes increased libido, especially in the first 2 months to a year. HRT sort of follows the same timeline and order of events as puberty, and really is like a second puberty.
    I feel like I missed out on the puberty I deserved and this is a second chance, so I'm going to abstain from PMO until I start feeling the increased sex drive from T. This way, it'll in theory kinda mimic part the experience of puberty. I'm guessing that I'll reboot for about a month before I start to feel the effects, but I'm for sure shooting for at least 14.
    If any trans guys or even cis guys have insight on how to make this experience as close to a second puberty as possible, let me know. Maybe it sounds a little weird to a cis person to want to go through puberty again, but I really do feel like I was robbed of that experience.
    It's great to be back, and I'm very excited for this journey!
     
  2. Oliver Gunter

    Oliver Gunter Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, that's some crazy stuff! For the full experience you have to get a Playstation 2 that you play after school and be completely awkward around girls. Maybe the testo will also let you experience the joy of oily skin and hair? Make sure to watch The O.C. and Dragonball Z and listen to a lot of hard rock on your ipod. I masturbated a lot in my puberty but it did no harm because I had no access to porn, only some pictures. Also, guys don't really put their pronouns into their bio. That's what girls do. I hope you don't get rid of your pussy though, any guy would love to have one. Good luck and all the best to you!
     
    amberfy likes this.
  3. SickSicko

    SickSicko Fapstronaut

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    What made you realize you are a guy?

    [​IMG]
     
  4. amberfy

    amberfy Fapstronaut

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    I said the word "realize," but to be honest, it was less of a realization as much as it was just admitting it to myself. When I was little, I was sure I'd grow a dick (didn't happen lmao). I never felt comfortable being called a girl, and first bra shopping made me laugh. Picture yourself trying on bras when you were 11. Maybe you'd like it, idk, but you'd probably just think it was kinda silly.
    When I was 12, I dressed up for a school play as a male 50s greaser, and everything really clicked and I loved looking and acting like a guy. Got my hair cut short, got "mistaken" for a boy... Everything just made sense.
    Tried to be a butch lesbian in high school, which was def more right than being a straight woman (I've never really been into dudes), but something was still super off. I felt like I was invading women's space and like a creep going into women's bathrooms and locker rooms. In the back of my head, I knew I was a guy, I just didn't want to say it.
    Eventually, I gave up and gave in, came out to my friends and family, and now I'm getting super fucking psyched for the facial hair I've always wanted.
     
  5. amberfy

    amberfy Fapstronaut

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    Ah lmao thanks man! I already am incredibly awkward around girls, so no problem there lol. And yeah, T is gonna give me hella oily skin and hair, and definitely acne. So it really is gonna be like puberty. Which sucks, but is also great.
    And yeah, I know that cis guys don't really put their pronouns in their bio, which I personally think is a shame. I think it should be normal for everyone to put their pronouns in their bio.
    As for that last part... Ngl, as a straight dude, it's pretty great having tits and a pussy sometimes, and the female orgasm is fucking rad. It's definitely weird and frustrating, too, but it's nice. Also, phalloplasty/metatoidplasty (surgeries for making a dick) is really not advanced at all and has a lot of complications, so I probably won't.
     
    Oliver Gunter likes this.
  6. SickSicko

    SickSicko Fapstronaut

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    [​IMG]

    So, just because you enjoyed certain behaviours and certain clothing preferentially and that you are homosexual, turns you, or made you come to the certainty that you are indeed a man?

    Just the homosexuality alone, at least to how I see it, explain the "creepy" feeling you talk about in the changing rooms...

    About trying women's clothing, at 14, my classmates came with the idea of making a crossdress theatre play, they were quite chill about it, I was super reluctant and snappy about it, full "you guys are nuts" mode, although it ended being super fun to be fair.

    Is the part of expecting to grow a dick that honestly confuses me, at the age you start to be self-aware of your body parts, I just took it for granted, in fact my confusion was more like "why my sister is missing it?" hahaha so that part I honestly don't understand it.

    I will be straigh-forward and tell you that I don't believe transexuality is a good thing, and that is mostly a mind-mess, sometimes a very deep one, I don't mean to offend you with this, although I'm aware it may come that way...

    I do honestly just curious to try and understand your experience and viewpoint at a deeper level, so maybe my mind change about it, or maybe it gets reafirmed if I don't find any sign of it being wrong, and so far, only the point about the expectancy of growing a dick, and that "I never felt comfortable being called a girl" is confusing and out of place in relation to how I see it.

    So please, only if you want, could you please elaborate about the why behind those points, again, I mean no offense, just trying to understand you better.
     
  7. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    I grew up incessantly thinking I was female inside a male body - well before there was any terminology floating around society explaining such things. Neighborhood girls would allow me to be one of them, even, at play and adventure. Girls were so much more fun than guy play. As a youngster I was even bold enough to freely choose my inner truth and to encourage the notion (on the inside of me), rather than take the path society would prefer for me (only a boy as an outward shell for survival, but not with boy interests). I remember consciously choosing whether I should continue nurturing the fantasy or go on the expected path. The fantasy seemed more honest and true to me, so I chose it with reckless abandon. I even imagined that I was being true to God for it. I increasingly favored my feminine side, seeing it as more virtuous and powerful and wise, over the foolishness of the male examples I witnessed (a lot of male bashing on TV in the 1970s; and mothers are usually more virtuous than fathers, besides), and my masculinity was injured and beat up, by my feminine self, for it. I was attracted to other guys, but as a female, not as a male - hence, I was a straight female inside, not gay. Of course, the inability to live a child's fantasy when one grows up (teens and onward) and when life hits reality made this a very depressing and confused lot for me. Somewhere in my late 20s, with the help of a director who let me speak it out all in the open, I was later knocked into the reality of realizing that woman aren't necessarily so virtuous and they have a lot of biological baggage to boot that I could live without. I no longer wanted to be a female (and was so glad I never became one), but the wounds of my male self left behind were strong reasons for PMO self-medication, and with such a vicious hold that it has taken me well into my 50s and I'm still fighting this. I think I'm now ready to leave the PMO behind, at last. It is losing its original reason and purpose for existing.

    .
     
  8. amberfy

    amberfy Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate you trying to understand and being respectful, so I'll try my best to elaborate.

    What I mean by expecting to grow a dick... I don't know why I did. Nobody told me I would and I didn't really have a reason for this belief, but I was positive I'd grow a penis. When I wear a packer (a soft silicone prosthetic penis to simulate a bulge in pants), it's instant relief. I wear one when I sleep, because it's like taking off a tight pair of shoes after a long day. It feels normal, like how I'm meant to be. I mean, imagine having a rare mutation where you were born without a penis. It'd really mess with your self esteem, and you'd feel uncomfortable about it, right?

    I feel like a creep being a woman's bathroom, not because I'm attracted to women, but because I'm a man attracted to women. Lesbians have a right to be in women's bathrooms, because they're women.

    There's nothing at all wrong with womanhood, so it's not that I'm rejecting that. I was raised by women, and I embrace a lot of stereotypically feminine aspects of life. I'd be fine with being a lesbian, and in fact, I tried really hard to be a lesbian. I still kind of wish I was one, because being trans sucks sometimes. But I'm just not a woman, as much as I tried to be one.

    I know I haven't explained it well. I have a lot of difficulty intellectualizing it to cisgender people, because there's no logical explanation. I just know that I am a man. I mean, how do you know that you're a man? Sure, you may have a penis, but why do you feel comfortable being called "sir"? Why would it feel funny to be called "ma'am" or "woman" every day? Why did you at first get upset about putting on a play in school that involved dressing in women's clothing? Can you give logical explanations to any of these, or is it all just based on feelings? This isn't a challenge, it's a genuine question.

    But the great thing is, you don't have to understand how I know I'm a man. I don't ask that cisgender people understand my feelings, or why I feel a need to go on hormones. I just ask that cis people respect trans people as people, and treat us as the genders we identify as. Thanks :)
     
    Marshall 5 likes this.
  9. InappropriateUsername

    InappropriateUsername Fapstronaut

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    Puberty as a CIS guy was basically getting turned on by everything, jerking off a lot, eating tons of food, chasing girls and doing stupid shit.
    Some ”milestones” of puberty:
    • Shaving for the first time
    • Getting muscles!
    • Getting a hard on when a girl hugs you
    • Pubic hair, underarm hair
    • Voice change
    I'm sure I'm forgetting a bunch b/c it was a long time ago but maybe some other guys can chime in.
     
    amberfy and Oliver Gunter like this.
  10. SickSicko

    SickSicko Fapstronaut

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    [​IMG]

    And also utterly incomprehensible... I cannot comprehend how you can identify as something different to the body that belongs to you. Well to be honest, I do, in fact, I used to be positive that I wasn't entirely human, that I was some sort of trapped thing in a fleshy weak vulnerable body, with time I learnt to reconciliate my feelings and mental processes with my body. And honestly I see trans people as people suffering the same thing but in a different fashion.

    So because of that, and answering your questions, How do I know? I have a male body, therefore I'm a man, what kind of man? That's a different thing, but a man nonetheless, bold of you to assume I feel comfortable being called sir hahaha, that's a joke, I just specifically don't like the word sir, no that I'm not comfortable with being considered a man, and I'd been called "woman-like" a good bunch of times during my life, my reaction had always been the same,"so just because I think or act this way towards X thing, that makes me a woman? Wrong..."

    So the logical explanation to the dressing thing, I used to have a more black/white mindset as a teen, so, my mental process was something like
    I'm a man, not a woman, I'm not wearing makeup and woman's clothes for that play, a man doesn't do that.
    Your male friends are going to do it, so maybe is not wrong?
    It is wrong, they are just going mad.

    So I'd basically rejected the idea because I basically, at the time, though that would make me less of a man, wich is ridiculous, I wouldn't have any trouble doing the same thing nowdays, but it was a very confrontational thought back then.

    Listen, I will always respect trans people as people, because you guys are people, but I will still think there is an identity body-mind dissociation issue involved, because I know my fair bit about it, and is like crystal clear to me.

    That being said, I sincerily hope you have a happy life and no regrets down the road, and if you want to experience how male puberty is like, listen to the other guys, I was a weird alien trying to pass as human on that phase of my life so I cannot really tell you much, acne, acne is a must I think... and probably fighting someone...
     

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