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In Flatline with a Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by PinkShorts05, Sep 22, 2021.

  1. PinkShorts05

    PinkShorts05 New Fapstronaut

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    I just feel so screwed. I quit PMO for good a little while ago, maybe a month or two - I stopped counting.
    I've been trying for years and finally kicked it and have no interest in porn or anything else for that matter. Which is the problem. I don't remember the last time I watched porn but I have a spotty libido and spotty sex drive since quitting.
    When I am with my girlfriend, I have the drive to kiss her and get intimate with her, (touching, kissing, rubbing, etc.) I am able to get somewhat erect from this. These erections are never fully hard (as compared to what I achieve from porn) and they don't last. The longer I'm in flatline the more dead down-there feels.

    I obviously want to go further with her and so does she but this whole thing terrifies me. I've talked to her about not being totally comfortable with sex right now and she says it no big issue and that she didn't get in this relationship because she wanted sex. (we are both kinda looking for serious partners, not just randomly dating.)

    I still can't deal with the fact that she wants sex and I feel like a selfish asshole that I'm in flatline and physically not aroused by anything at this point. I don't even really care when she takes her shirt off and have to pretend that I'm like crazy horny.
    I have considered ordering ED medication through an online prescription so that I have that as a backup but just do not know what to do. I also suffer from performance anxiety as I am not very sexually experienced. My girlfriend isn't either but it doesn't seem to help my stress regarding sexual activities.

    This is what i get for being addicted to porn, but now my actions are affecting other people I care about and I hate myself. I'm hoping that there are ways that I will be able to achieve a strong erection during flatline but I just don't know if that's the case. Has anyone else had this problem and can share some wisdom? I will answer any questions anyone has I'm just so struggling right now.
     
    rebootingtome likes this.
  2. rebootingtome

    rebootingtome Fapstronaut

    My first experience with NoFap was within a relationship.

    And one of the hardest things about it was getting the nerve up to tell my girlfriend what I was doing - that I had stopped masturbating and watching porn in order to try to improve myself. I was worried she would freak out. She didn't freak out. She didn't really understand it entirely, or believe it, she'd been told that guys masturbating was normal and healthy, but I asked her to be patient with me and she was.

    It might be hard to broach the topic, but I recommend talking to her directly about it if you can. It will probably be a relief to her that there's a reason that you're flatlining, and it isn't that you don't love her or think she's attractive.
     
  3. mentorr

    mentorr Fapstronaut

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    Can I ask a question?

    What is stopping you from being truthful and telling her what is really going on?
     
  4. PinkShorts05

    PinkShorts05 New Fapstronaut

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    I overthink everything and I'm worried that even though she's told me that she isn't with me just to have sex and that we both have long term intentions, that she'll leave me when she finds out that I can't have sex right away. I think it's more my own projection of the situation, and that I feel so low and embarrassed about my struggles with porn addiction that I expect the worst from her. I fear that she will think it is too weird and will become detached from me after she knows that sex isn't something that I can do right now. I feel so bad at the thought of her waiting for me and feel like I'm taking advantage of her by even asking. That's why I'm considered using an online prescription for ED pills to have as a backup just in case while I'm in flatline. She knows I get really bad anxiety from being intimate as this is what I've said is the main reason why I want to wait. I was hoping flatline wouldn't be this bad but it is.
     
  5. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    I don't think using pills is a good idea, it's just interrupting/prolonging recovery.

    If you bust your ankle you need to rest it until it's good again, you could take painkillers which will allow you to walk but what good is that doing to your ankle? Also, whilst pills may allow you to get an erection, mentally you're still not going to be all that aroused. Let's also look at it from the girl's pov. How would she feel if she found out that you had to take pills to get hard for her? I don't think that would do her self-esteem much good.

    I think you should just be honest. You got addicted to porn when you were young, you've given it up but one of the side-effects of that is your sex drive disappearing while your brain rebalances. If she's not ok with that then maybe she's just not right for you.
     

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