Introducing MarquetBlack needs help

MarkTT52947 · Dec 16, 2017

Thanks for being there folks. I am a retired married male who has battled pornographic ideas and sexual addiction much of my life. In times of emotional crisis the internet use of porn picture, porn writing, and other sites goes up, and my masturbation based on unrealistic and degrading pornographic fantasies goes up. It always leads to depressions since I have rather strong moral and political beliefs that opposed the things I fantasize about as negative and demeaning and most of my friends share and try to live based on such beliefs.

I have a major writing project to get done, and I know that rather than doing it, I leap into porn and other internet addition instead of doing it

I have been masturbating and having these fantasies since I was quite young and they create an alternate world to the real world governed by sexist fantasies, not love, and my experience with women is that the women who want to inhabit what my fantasies entail are usually emotionally damaged themselves in fact the relationships I have been with people who fully engaged in them all ended up being with people who had serious mental health issues!

I am married to a wonderful woman, but someone who has no toleration for pornography or anything of that nature all for the right reasons. I am loathe to discuss this with her or really anyone. I am not sure I could afford to get counseling and hide it from my wife.

I masturbate so much and have been doing for so long that I have rather major pain in my penis that also effects the situation. Whatever I might or might not do when I had healthier control of this side of my life, what I need to do is to stop masterbating, stop fantasizing, stop reading porn, stop looking at sexy pictures or evaluating women based on sexist and pornographic attitudes.

I am so scared that these problems will continue or I would do something to ruin my marriage or cause embarassment. Most of the involvement I have had over the years as an activist and writer in both cultural and change the world struggles would be wrecked if this side of my life prevailed or became widely known.

I dont know a single person I feel confident talking about this with. Help of course the key is to help one's self

I Am that I Am · Dec 16, 2017

Welcome. Godspeed.

Septimus · Dec 19, 2017

Welcome @MarkTT52947, I'm glad you're here. Let me know if I can help.

Deleted Account · Dec 19, 2017

MarkTT52947 said: ↑

I dont know a single person I feel confident talking about this with. Help of course the key is to help one's self
Click to expand...

Hey @MarkTT52947 ,

Very glad you are here.

When I arrived here, I was very confused by the program. So many terms, ideas, different opinions. I was in some ways as overwhelmed with NoFap as I was with pmo.

I found two things that helped me.

First, was reading up on the program and figuring out where to start and how to work my program. The best page is the one with the list of all the resources available.

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/new-users-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/

That page explained the program. I read every article and watched all the videos on that page.

Next, was the community. By getting involved, reading people's posts, remembering to "like" the posts, reading the post not only in the forum, but on people's profiles, I found a great group of people.

This is a diverse community. We have religious people and secular ones. There are men and women. People with months of no pmo and those just starting out. As well, there are many different approaches to remove porn from our lives forever.

Keep reading posts and profiles. You will find someone who is telling your own story. Keep posting your own story, someone needs to read it.

Looking forward to reading many more posts from you,

L

kropo82 · Dec 20, 2017

Welcome, I’ve found keeping a journal really useful. There’s a section of the forums for us old guys’ journals.

Deleted Account · Dec 20, 2017

@MarkTT52947 ,

Great point by @kropo82 regarding journals. I'm better at reading journals than I am at a daily journal. I do post milestone journals. My 90 day journal looks like it took me 90 days to write it! I way over post.

One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals. Click "Watch Tread" in the upper right to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

@Visor Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144228/

@I_can_and_I_will Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/138959/

@weddingnails Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143418/

@MLMVSS Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/142945/

@Struggle Bug Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/141911/

@Roady Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/137524/

@BigDawg913 Journal's at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/145872/

@Sunshadow Journal's at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/75108/

@kropo82 Journal's at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/78164/

---
There are many more, and you can discover them on your own. But, these are a great place to start.

This is a work in progress. So, if a journal has changed or is no longer active, look around there are some amazing journals on here.

L

I_can_and_I_will · Dec 20, 2017

MarkTT52947 said: ↑

Thanks for being there folks. I am a retired married male who has battled pornographic ideas and sexual addiction much of my life. In times of emotional crisis the internet use of porn picture, porn writing, and other sites goes up, and my masturbation based on unrealistic and degrading pornographic fantasies goes up. It always leads to depressions since I have rather strong moral and political beliefs that opposed the things I fantasize about as negative and demeaning and most of my friends share and try to live based on such beliefs.

I have a major writing project to get done, and I know that rather than doing it, I leap into porn and other internet addition instead of doing it

I have been masturbating and having these fantasies since I was quite young and they create an alternate world to the real world governed by sexist fantasies, not love, and my experience with women is that the women who want to inhabit what my fantasies entail are usually emotionally damaged themselves in fact the relationships I have been with people who fully engaged in them all ended up being with people who had serious mental health issues!

I am married to a wonderful woman, but someone who has no toleration for pornography or anything of that nature all for the right reasons. I am loathe to discuss this with her or really anyone. I am not sure I could afford to get counseling and hide it from my wife.

I masturbate so much and have been doing for so long that I have rather major pain in my penis that also effects the situation. Whatever I might or might not do when I had healthier control of this side of my life, what I need to do is to stop masterbating, stop fantasizing, stop reading porn, stop looking at sexy pictures or evaluating women based on sexist and pornographic attitudes.

I am so scared that these problems will continue or I would do something to ruin my marriage or cause embarassment. Most of the involvement I have had over the years as an activist and writer in both cultural and change the world struggles would be wrecked if this side of my life prevailed or became widely known.

I dont know a single person I feel confident talking about this with. Help of course the key is to help one's self
Click to expand...

Hey bud, this is relatable to in many ways for me because I fear my family finding out about this and cutting off ties. It's a recurring thought but sometimes I think, they won't be like that, perhaps they'll understand. And I keep putting off a project too, high time I did something. You're at a great place, don't worry about things out of your control, try to be the best self you possibly can be. Good luck to you my friend.

Protagoras · Dec 20, 2017

Welcome. Check out the journals in the Over 40 section. Here are some thing working for me.

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Introducing MarquetBlack needs help

MarkTT52947 Fapstronaut

I Am that I Am Fapstronaut

Septimus Fapstronaut

Deleted Account Guest

kropo82 Fapstronaut

Deleted Account Guest

I_can_and_I_will Fapstronaut

Protagoras Fapstronaut

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