Hello, before I start, I'd like to say that I'm a new user and only have a rudimentary grasp of the rules. I hope I don't break any rules by posting this thread. (I'll leave a TL;DR for those who are short on time...or are just lazy like myself haha.) Right now it's 2:34 AM and I'm once again, like every night/day, consumed by this uncomfortable pressure in my stomach, and this appalling desire to masturbate. More awareness goes to my groin area, and I can feel my lust slowly rising. I know that I'm headed towards that inevitable loss of will, followed by the release, and finally ending up swallowed in my own defeat and bitterness. I turned 21 around two weeks ago, and I've taken the opportunity for some introspection and to think about my life, like where I've gone wrong or right. I realized then that I've been addicted to masturbation and by extension, pornography for about 9 years now. I remember when the mere sight of a naked female would excite me. One picture would be enough to think about for days! I remember how my tastes slowly went from 'vanilla' to more specific genres. Eventually, I grew bored of that too, and I resorted to extremes. I always used to be strictly heterosexual...I think. It's been a few years since I started enjoying pornography not matching my sexual orientation, and now I even doubt whether I was completely heterosexual, to begin with. Eventually, when my addiction grew bored of warping my sexual orientation, it began targetting my pride, my values, and what I consider what it means to be a man (partially based on my Arab/Muslim culture and upbringing). I began to go from enjoying occupying a dominant position and being in control, to liking to lose control being dominated instead. If that was it, I would only be slightly disturbed but unfortunately, the addict constantly craves novelty. That change in preference rapidly went to an extreme. I started enjoying being roughly dominated, to eventually... and it really brings me a lot of shame, anger, and bitterness to say this...to cuckoldry. Now it's almost the only thing that gets me off. My younger self would never recognize me today. I was forced to end a relationship and go through tremendous suffering both to myself and to other individuals. This change happened in the past year. That brings me to today. After countless PMO sessions, followed by incredible shame and self-loathing, I feel myself succumbing to despair. No matter what I do, no matter what distractions I employ, techniques I try, it all seems so.. futile. I created this account as an act of desperation. Is there anyone out there who is in a similar predicament? Who has perhaps fought the same kind of despair born from countless instances of shame and, in my opinion, emasculation and has come out victorious? And if so, is there any advice or wisdom you can share with me? Specifically in dealing with fantasies or fetishes that really go against what you stand for. Is it possible to truly reverse this warping of sexual orientation, for these fantasies to never have an influence on me, even after becoming sexually active with a partner? But most importantly, I just want to know if there's hope. Hope for someone who dug a hole so deep, he can barely see the light. I seriously need a pat on the back and maybe some reassurance... Thank you for reading my late-night, depressed rambling session haha TL;DR - I have fetishes and fantasies that aren't only against my 'original' sexual orientation, it also goes against my values, and my own sense of personal dignity. I've found myself more and more consumed by despair and want to know whether it's even possible to save myself. I'm looking for kindred souls who have come out victorious. I want to know whether a full revert is even possible or if becoming sexually active will trigger all these fantasies to come back.