It seems like a lot of successful guys at nofap and pornfree still have rubbish sex lives?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, Sep 24, 2020.

  1. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Something I have noticed is there seems to be many guys who are very successful at nofap and pornfree. Guys who get insanely long streaks of no PMO at all, or no porn and artificial sexual stimulation at all, yet they still remain to have rubbish or no sex lives.

    The reality is regardless how successful guys like this are at nofap and pornfree, they are still doing something seriously wrong. Unless their goal is to become a monk or something. But I think most guys on here strive for a healthy sex life. I think most guys on here strive to be in a relationship with a woman.

    It's really ironic I think. Because it appears like many guys who actually have really healthy sex lives, who get laid regularly, maybe being in a relationship, maybe having a lot of one night stands. Maybe even doing both. I have friends who are married, I have friends who are in relationships, who have regular sex with their wives, girlfriends, who even sometimes have one night stands, so even occasionally cheating on their wives, partners etc. Bottom line is they have a lot of sex. But the thing I find really ironic is they actually still use porn, they still sometimes PMO. They don't go on this mission to completely cut all PMO out their life, to cut all porn and artificial sexual stimulation out their life, yet they still get tons of real sex to.

    Then as I mentioned you get guys on nofap and pornfree who have insanely long streaks, yet they still have really rubbish sex lives, many even have no sex at all.

    This to me is a big indication that many of these guys who are really successful at nofap and pornfree are actually still doing something seriously wrong when it comes to the opposite sex.

    It's as if many guys think that being seriously successful at nofap and pornfree is automatically going to turn them in to some sort of sex god and every woman is going to fall at their feet. This does not seem to be the reality at all. Because like I said there is far too many really successful guys at nofap and pornfree who are still not successful what so ever when it comes to women.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2020
  2. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Perhaps they don't want to rush it and are searching for meaningful and long-term relationships so that they don't have to be

    ?

    I personally am married and have generally solved my PMO problem long time ago (though occasional P relapses occur, which is a big shame, but it's also related to serious issues with my emotional relationship with wife - no excuses are acceptable here, though). I can tell you that the sex is great, and it also is pretty rare these days. The emotional relationship is much more important to focus on. But the key is not to make a big fuss about sex life and go on with your life, which is probably what the nofappers you're describing are doing.

    By the way, sexoholism is also an addiction and PMO addicts are probably in the risk group.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2020
  3. mythdunk

    mythdunk Fapstronaut

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    I would concur with Ekhangel's comment. I think your view may be more relevant to some of the younger NoFap members maybe? As someone of a 'certain age' my wish to remove PMO from my life is very personal and related to all aspects of my relationship with my wife - not solely sex. I also feel PMO takes up too much of my time when I could be doing something a lot more productive. I am also learning more about the many downsides to the porn industry both in terms of how it tries to affect my mind but also how it affects the individuals involved in the industry in a negative way.
    So in short PMO and the associated fapping with it produces much negativity in my life that I would like to cut out. It's not solely about having better sex for many individuals here but something far more complicated.
     
  4. Ekhangel

    Ekhangel Fapstronaut

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    Yes, there is the moral aspect too, which played a huge role when I originally set on the path of NoFap. I just didn't want to personally contribute to all this moral filth, in a sense of personal responsibility for the bigger picture. I guess this sort of outlook is probably not commonplace around here, as erectile dysfunctions and lack of energy are probably the major issues. This is a shame, I reckon, but a civilisational change in this regard is not coming overnight for sure.
     
  5. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I think PMO can be used to avoid many personal issues, and when we finally get serious about giving it up, all those issues need to be worked on all at once.

    My guess is there's a good amount of people who must build their relationship skills and experience from the ground up. And that's a slow process. But if they're willing to work on themselves, and set good standards for potential partners, then it's a worthwhile process, slow as it may be.

    So yes OP I think you're right many (not all) who get over PMO will take a while to transition into healthy sex lives. However, I think we can all agree that for those of us that became addicted, it's a journey of abstinence worth taking!
     
  6. Αλέξανδρος

    Αλέξανδρος Fapstronaut

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    I would say that after a year I started practising NoFap, I kissed two girls in a row.
    I also changed a lot of my behaviours. I am on the way of becoming an alpha male, even if some of you hate this definition.
    I am sure that without NoFap I couldn't have kissed those girls this summer. I would have been too socially awkward and a jerk to meet some real girls and get laid with them.

    I am still a teen, my sex life can't be so active. But I think that NoFap really saved my life.
     
  7. How can you possibly know that ? Majority of guys who overcame porn addiction most likely don't spend too much time on this forum and reddit to begin with, if you're that curious of other people's sex lives you can go to YBOP site, check the success stories.

    The point of it all is not to have as much sex as possible, its about living at the front lines of your life and cutting on the things that hold you back in the process. NoFap is not a magic pill that will make things suddenly great for you, but NoFap is in its essence a first domino that gives you that right momentum in order to keep improving further, whatever your goal may be whether its women or something else.

    In the end, if the amount of sex you're having is your sole measure of some success, well ...that's a very superficial and shallow way of thinking fam.
     
  8. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Well said.

    I know personally before starting nofap, I was all "I'm gonna have so much sex". Now it's more like "I like the look of this girl and enjoy talking to her, but her values don't really click with mine, I think I'll keep looking, and that's okay".

    In the eyes of someone keeping a scoreboard on dates or hookups, it would look like the opposite of progress!
     
  9. james15966

    james15966 Fapstronaut

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    fap is wrong u know that .maybe alone people do this and this will kill them so if someone is bad at sex or anything he or she should work on that but fap is wrong.
     
  10. You are assuming that having sex = success. I disagree with this premise.
     
  11. skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Surely you don't think it's successful to have lived a sexless life or a near sexless life though? That to me sounds much more like failure than success.
     
    Comfortablydumb96 likes this.
  12. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Considering a lot of people become addicted to porn as a way of coping with their issues, and thus dont actively take steps to overcome those issues organically, is it really a surprise that even when they go on long streaks they still dont have the ability to form relationships with people when they lost all prior opportunities to learn to porn? Not masturbating doesnt suddenly bestow someone with social skills, charisma, or sexual desirability.

    Having said that, I kinda agree with what some others have said, I also dont think having a lot of sex makes you successful at anything other than having sex. I know I know, "muh biological imperative" or whatever, I've heard this argument before and used it myself not even that long ago, but I've come around to thinking its kinda bullshit because fulfilment doesnt come from getting laid unless you are extremely shallow and/or have nothing more meaningful going on with your life. Do I want to be having sex? I mean sure, but I know my life wont suddenly become better if I do.
     
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  13. Sacred Fire

    Sacred Fire Fapstronaut

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    Good man. Nofap is the way. The way of the real man. And u have results!!

    I know now we're "misraised". A man's life ought to be primary in a goal higher than him... A spiritual goal; goal to build society; to slay demons.. Even still this sex power can be reserved to create life :).

    Women are not a man's primary goal. On so many levels miseducated... Women in fact will hinder your ability to serve divinity... Nicholas tesla, Jesus, Alexandrosss Megas. Ehhem... They had huge goals and hit them without much women or none ... See ? Women should be a secondary goal for a man and interestingly women are far more attracted to this kind of man. That tells me nature is trying to show us the right way cast down the veil of lies created around us :). THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!!!!
    upload_2020-9-25_17-9-4.png
     
  14. "To me." Success is a very personalized term. If success had one definition, everyone would try to be the same person.
     
  15. Balance99

    Balance99 Fapstronaut

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    Basically reiterating what most people have said. Alot of people (myself included) intially get into Nofap thinking that it will give us magical powers. In my case I was somewhat willing to believe that abstaining would somehow rewire my brain and biology to make me more of a chick magnet. Im reaching a point now where I'm starting to see that porn and masturbation weren't the whole problem, rather they were symptoms of a much larger problem.
     
  16. To add to this - I don't think NoFap should ever be seen as a way to get women. It is about discipline and taking control of your life, which are more than enough reasons to take part in the challenge. Any other benefits that result from it are a bonus.
     
  17. Balance99

    Balance99 Fapstronaut

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    Agreed. Women are human beings too, not just objects. The whole point should be to take responsibility and discipline yourself. All things considered its kinda ridiculous that it took me making conscious effort to cut porn out of my life to realize how immature some of my views towards women were.
     
  18. Same story with me. I used to think that "objectification" was only something SJWs said to make normal people feel bad. But it is a very real thing and it is a poisonous attitude to have - about any gender.
     
  19. MPJ

    MPJ Fapstronaut

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    I know people here don't want to judge a men success on how many women he has sex with, or how many relationship he had, but do you really think that guys who are successful with women don't objectify them? Of course you can have respect for them, but do you think that guy who sleep around and are considered attractive by the opposed sex never use them only for their own pleasure?
     
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  20. Balance99

    Balance99 Fapstronaut

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    I think what makes guys like that succesful is the fact that they simply have the confidence to put themselves out there. Yes im sure they do objectify them in some way, but I don't think that factors into there succes with women. Regardless though why would you wanna objectify women on the whole? Im not saying treat them all like royalty but treating them like objects solely there for your pleasure is a dangerous mindset.
     

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