It's been a year since I discovered NoFap and I feel like I've gotten no where

Believe it or not Mattew, I know exactly how you feel. It almost feels like I'm writing the post you wrote. But what I recently learned is that all that trouble we spend on reading those books and watching all that stuf is actually working against us.

This has two reasons:

1. If you watch or read these things. You are saying to yourself on an unconscious level. “I’m not good enough” I will be only good enough if I have this and know that.

2. After you have all the knowledge of the books and things you studied. You still find out that they don’t get you where you want to be. You have all this knowlegde - and still don't feel better. So there must be definitely something wrong with me.....So you reaffirm the belief that you are not good enough even stronger. Then u get thoughts like. “I know all this stuff and still can’t the results I want, if that even doesn't work then I'm really hopeless".

So in a way you are constantly reaffirming to yourself that you are not good enough and should do better. Because you repeated it so often it becomes a unconscious habit and it will now be triggered automatically without you doing it. Which makes you want to watch more stuff to get rid of it - which strengtens you feeling not good enough - which repels woman. It is a pattern, a cycle you get in. But understanding that it, can help to reduce it slowly as time passes.

 

I stopped fighting. I analyzed my addiction to death and came to the conclusion that it does nothing for me. It's not that powerful demon that I need to beat.
I'm still looking at porn once a day, for a few minutes. Not to test myself, but because I have the impulse to do it and because I've decided, when I started my new streak, that I will allow myself to follow that impulse for another few month. However I've also decided that never again will I touch myself while looking at porn. That was 24 days ago (my longest streak before that was 17 days and every day was a struggle, a fight). I'm having an easy time with this. No struggle, no fighting.
I already noticed that I look at porn differently. There were times in the last couple days when I couldn't quite remember why I used to find this so attractive. Most of it just seems stupid to me. Still good looking, but stupid and none of it is worth breaking my streak over. I've seen it all. There's nothing new in porn.
You might look down on me because I'm still looking at it. But the thing is I'm not afraid of relapsing at all. Again, it's easy, I'm not wasting time and nerves during the day "fighting myself".

In about 2 month I'll be ready to also stop looking at it. Which will be much easier for my brain to accept, because it already learned that there's no more orgasm to be gained from porn. My freedom is inevitable.
I STOPPED GIVING MYSELF THE OPTION FOR FAILURE. Because I'm finally, after two years, sure of what I want.

 

I don't jugde you at all that you still watch it because I know as no other how hard to is to beat an addiction. Luckily I have never been addicted to porn – it never did create a lot of arousal in me. But I had large dependency on stimulants to get sexual satisfaction – the only times I liked porn was on stimulants. I probably experienced it on stims on how you do it sober. So in a way…I understand it is a big sacrifice. Which you’re not always getting something worth in return by stopping it.

 

Really thank you for trying to help me but i think you are on the wrong way

 

Right. The times I was high on weed were also the ones where porn seemed the most attractive, because it's easier to get lost in it, and so it was the hardest to control myself.

I'm following the impulse now to look because I want to do one thing at a time. It's easier on the biological part to slowly breaking those connections between orgasm and porn down. The ones that are left are porn and curiosity. Those will be my next target.

It's all about how you conceptualize your object of addiction, how much is it worth to you. If you finally figure out that it's much less worth than you thought it is and the freedom of letting go is worth a ton, making a choice and sticking with it is easy.

There's this chinese fellow who made this giant post years ago, 6 years porn free or something like that, and his long journey getting there with all the steps and pitfalls etc.
There's one line that he wrote that stuck with me and ringed true. Something along the lines of "Once you realize the true nature of your addiction, conquering it is as easy as punching through paper. But as long as you're caught in your delusions you will keep hitting stone."

 

Can u tell me why u think that?

 

Hmmm I'm not sure. There should be some benefit in it not to do it anymore at least I feel it works that way for me. For an example let's say someone takes stimulants or watches porn to get certain needs met. If that person can't find those needs in a healthy way, it is close to impossible to stop imho. Because we all need to get our needs met... If you can't get it in a healthy sober way, you will find it in an unhealthy way because we need to meet our needs to feel whole.

 

Right, that's why there are sexy women out there and otherwise you got a hand and fantasies.
Those are healthy as far as I'm concerned, because they don't rely on something artificial.

Unless you're going for the whole reboot thing, well then there's definitely some struggle ahead. You'll find out that your inner nature isn't a slave that you can just shut off as you please. You need to negotiate and be reasonable.
Put yourself into the position of your inner nature (meaning your natural tendency towards sexual release) and think about making a deal with another person who represents your conscience. If that person goes, "look, from here on out, you get absolutely nothing." You go "what? For how long?". "Indefinitely."
Well no wonder you gonna rebel and give yourself a hard time. Those negotiation terms are shit, especially for someone who's used to get all they want all the time.
Instead give yourself a fixed timeframe and clear conditions, this and that is ok, this and that isn't. The art of reconditioning is about starting easy and gradually increasing intensity in the direction you want, giving yourself lots of affirmation while accomplishing small goals. Anything can be achieved given enough time.
Rather than being like a dictator to yourself, commanding ever lasting compliance... No wonder you'll keep relapsing.

 

Everyone and his struggle is different,for you they don't work,for many of us they do. The end