Just sick of being underachieving and ordinary

I'm writing here to vent my feelings somewhere, so please don't judge me or get annoyed after reading.
I broke my 7 day streak yesterday. It felt like torture all over again. I told myself that testosterone production spikes up on the 7th day and it was likely that I would have relapsed somehow.
I gave my exams last weekend. We had 2 full month's to prepare for them. But I indulged in fapping to no end, even after 10 day streaks...then binging on posion again and again and again. Instead of focusing on my studies, I focused on irrelevant novels and mobile games and YouTube and random articles which wouldn't help even if I were 80 years old. My results came and I experienced something that I have never felt before. I was disgusted, ashamed of myself of not doing something even when I had a choice. We always have a choice. And I chose wrong.
It's probably wrong that I'm dumping the whole blame on fapping. I obviously should have done better. My mind feels rigid like all it wants to do is sleep. I feel like that brain fog is filling my insides. Just existing...that's how I feel right now. No motivation, no purpose. I have to study but for what? That's a question I never thought I would ask myself...
Porn affects everyone differently, brutally and painfully. Some people get traumatized, some depressed and some feel hopeless. I don't know where I stand now but it is affecting me like nothing else, no one else ever has.
I'm giving up a lot of things now and it will be so difficult to get used to boredome, to hardwork, to patience but I have to. Literally do or die, now or never. I don't want to feel that void inside of me. Whenever I'm on a streak, I learn to ignore it. It keeps on getting smaller and smaller until I relapse. It grows right back.
I've always recieved support and help here in this community. Just like now, whenever I couldn't confide in anyone else, I could speak my mind here, anonymously and feeling like part of a group at the same time. Thank you for that, and I really mean it. No one will understand what it means to me when I know that I'm free to open up without feeling guilty of society or friends or family.
I'm giving up on my mobile, junk food and TV for 6 months or so. I'll drop in occassionally to write and read and probably give and definitely seek advice. All I care about is rediscovering my full potential that I had before indulging in this pointless habit. I write to myself because it feels stupid to me to look myself in the mirror and remind myself why I started in the first place. You can't believe a criminal when he asks you to stay within the law. He has to practice what he preaches.
I'm practicing nofap and I know that this jolt is a reminder to me how far I've strayed from my path. Now I'm on course to get back on course. I'll try my best and I'm not ever fapping again. Thank you if you've read this far. I sincerely hope that everyone succeeds in their own fight to freedom.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm sure I'll come out way better in a few days than when I was writing this article.