Knowing MYSELF

Daily Jornal DAY O
I don't know if anyone will ever gonna read this, my English is not that good, there will be many grammatical mistakes but still i'm gonna write.. I know writing on a real journal is more helpful than on a screen. But its easy to write on a screen.. So here i'm writing about my days of NOFAP. I hope during this process i'll get to know myself, i have been in this NOFAP thing for a year maybe & a lot has happened since then. Made some friends, lost some friends, had anxiety issues. Highest steak for me was 42 DAYS. Sometimes i feel like this is the biggest achievement of my lyf.. But i know i can do way better than this.

I'm an introvert guy, 19 y/0, Brown skin, Always topper of the class, less female interaction. Studying Pharmacy and doing part time.

I think the only reason i go for P, or fantasise i s bcuz i had alway wanted female interaction, not in a sexual way. I don't have any sisters, had few female friends in school but not very close. I dont know how to behave in front of a beautiful girl, i just lost my mind & forget about asking her i couldn't even utter a word, that really frustrate me....

So its DAY 0, relapsed in the Morning, lately i have been feeling like i'm in loop/matrix, doing the same things in a regular Intervals. I have to get out of this.
Want to see the real world, the real people & real girls with real emotions.

I'm not writing for anyone else, its for me, but still you can read & don't judge.

 

Thanks gor your kind words.. Hope you are doing well.
Day 1
Had some urges here and there, i was having thoughts about watching P right now but then i thought, what i will write in my journal?? That, i was only on track for 1 day... No way.
I kind of get the pattern now, most of the time when i go to bed i got sensation to do M, or press my P against the bed & then it leads to watching some shit and doing M, before my mind used to be so clouded i didn't see it.
Nothing much happened today, did my study, its raining crazy for 3 days, i was just at home all day, so nothing happened. I think i should do something new in every week.

If anyone is reading this, then how was your day?? What did you do, while day.. Much luv 2 u.

 

Thanks for your kind words man, hope you are doing well also.

Day 2
Had more urges today and fantasised for a lil bit. I know in this journey beginnings are always tough. Haven't studied properly for a month and my exams ae coming so from tomorrow, i have to study regularly otherwise i'm definitely gonna fail
Well its still raining crazily, its good if you are sitting at home and playing PUBG but if you are going outside.... Then its a hell.
Tried a new thing and i'm definitely liking it. Hope i'll continue this thing for a while....Money is a great motivation for sure. Felling lil anxious.. Going to sleep.. Good night, see you tomorrow...

 

Day 1...
A lot has happened.. I relapsed.
But now i'm back in the game. Last 2 days were both difficult and wonderful for me. I never thought i'll enjoy so much in my lyf. Most of the time i'm alone, looking at the screen and jerking off or fantasising women. I often go out and meet my friends. I allways except something back from my friends.. But i guess that's not friendship. I'm glad i have these people who will be there for me.
Aug 15, i called everyone to the park... We stayed there till 9.30 pm, ate Momos... Most of the time i dont do these small things. But i guess these small things makes me Happy..