Letters to Cake; she's in a crisis

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by 0111zerozero11, Nov 11, 2018.

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  1. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I can't sleep with my journal being all negative.

    Got this on repeat. Does the trick every time.

  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Beautifully said.
  3. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    Enjoy those moments when you have to chase them all over the place. There will come a time when chasing is no longer an option.
    Yes! They pick up on EVERYTHING!
    Yeah, well sometimes blunt force is the only thing the addicted dad/husband seems to understand.
    You should have put all of that in bold, italics, and underlined.
    Thank you for articulating that so very well. THIS Gentlemen! THIS is it! She's right. You're not getting it.
    AND THIT! This is exactly where you find yourself Gentlemen! This is so well articulated, I cannot state it any better. @cakeinacrisis gets it. And unfortunately for most of you, you don't.
    And this is where you are going to have to find forgiveness. Because forgiveness isn't something you do because he deserves it. It is something you do because you deserve it. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I will remind you. I will remind you for the millionth time. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
    And you scream at the top of your lungs, yet not a sound comes out. It's not until you find a place like here that understands what you are dealing with that you finally feel like you are being heard. It is then that you can finally get some level of relief.
    Yeah, you damn sure don't want your children to follow in your footsteps, for if you do, you'll forever change the trajectory of their life, and it won't be for the better.
    Not only that, it was very good!
  4. Thank you for this beautiful & honest message.. It truly is eye opening..

    I'm grateful to you, C :)
  5. mcgrim

    mcgrim Fapstronaut

    Very well said and 100% true. Thank you for being a strong woman and saying what needed to be said.

    Too many men learn early on that competition is how you judge yourself and while it may help you to do tasks better it's not the true measure of a man.
  6. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    You know those shitty people who are so insecure that they create scenarios in which they actually believe they are the victim while victimizing someone?

    Yeah, me too.

    Gotta pray for them.
    They have no clue the joy of being a decent human.

  7. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Dear Cake,

    You kept telling yourself if you made it through thanksgiving, Xmas would be manageable as well.
    Girl. You lied.
    The past week has been excruciating. Things seem super awesome & easy to manage until you step outside into the the real world. You can't go anywhere without having to dig deep & stop the desire to loath the happy families. You keep your eyes down or on the kids at all times because duh, trust issues. The last person you let look into your soul kinda left you high & dry. Plus, you're convinced single men can sniff you out like fresh meat & it makes you nauseated to think about.
    Pretty soon the energy supply is going to dry up & then what do you do?
    Keep moving on is the only option, right? You can only assume with time you'll begin to trust again & want to feel wanted. Right now, you just want to hit fast forward & it be 01/01/19.
    Tomorrow you have to get the kids ready for their Xmas program by yourself, which is no easy feat for 1 woman against toddler twins. You'll sit through the program wondering if he's there, not really caring but caring enough it will definitely distract you. After the Xmas program, you then switch roles & become mom's caretaker. She starts this new immunotherapy treatment tomorrow for her lung cancer; for what, you ask yourself? To spend that many more days in pain & out of breath, terrified of your fate just to see your grandchildren that much longer? Bittersweet for you, as you lose your last biological parent. You have no siblings to share memories with. When she goes, so do all of the secrets you've shared & family memories. You are going to find yourself exactly as you are now; alone, sitting on your bedroom floor with your favorite songs playing as you sob, wondering wtf has happened to this pure & peaceful life you envisioned.

    Embrace these feels. They will pass & you will be stronger when you make it through.

    You like to be prepared but you can't possibly prepare for the devestation that's coming your way. Let go, Cake. Let the universe & God guide you through it. Fear will only hinder your capabilities & opportunities to grow.
    Throw that positive energy out like grenade launchers, girl.
    Keep believing in yourself & strength.
    Santa isn't real, anyways.
  8. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Again, I can't leave my journal on a debby downer kind of vibe.
    It does us all a disservice

  9. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I'm scared. I'm scared of being the bearer of bad news. I'm scared of playing God & getting her hopes up or down.
    It was an unusual experience.
    I read her CT scans from a follow-up on pneumonia or something diagnosed, googled some words, & realized my mom had cancer a month or so before she was officially diagnosed.
    It gave me a really good headstart to research & figure out how to handle the cancer & my mom's reaction. I underestimated how long it would take for her to start pulling her head out of the sand.
    When I was able to be direct, she didn't hear me. Now that she's ready to listen, her fragility makes it too hard to tell the truth.
    As I am her. Thank you, sincerely.
    She's starting to leave hidden notes & cards reminding me of that.
    She's having control issues. Definitely making me feel like she's not sure I can make it on my own without her....I hope that changes.
    I'm anticipating it's going to be a ride; although I am curious, do we find the meaning or does the meaning find us?
    As always, thx for being such a decent human with thoughtful insight.
    I think I cracked a smile through tears ;)
  10. You'll make it, C as you've always made it !!

    You've been through pretty tough times yet you're standing strong bruised, battered & tired but still going till the last round.. You've got heart, C you know that :)

    Thank you for being optimistic, supportive & encouraging, C !! You're a good woman :)
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. It’s a lot to be someone’s advocate without a lot of support.
    Sounds like you are doing really helpful things.
    Not causing her illness and helping her untangle the hospitalese. The small kindnesses by the bedside mean so much.

    You are being present with her.

    I know of one who had lung cancer
    And I’m not sure how much he knew what was going on. Denial maybe, but I think he knew.
    talking about recovering seemed helpful to him and what he wanted.
    One of the nurses could be so gently direct.

    Hospice was helpful to see a little ahead
    and helped me prepare
    And understand how they
    can start to turn inwards and away later.

    That is so sweet of her.
    means a lot.

    She’s worried about you. Maybe it gives her comfort. I wouldn’t expect it to to change completely. Maybe she will say something that will have greater meaning for you later.

    Knowing you are capable,
    it may be her mother’s guilt
    for not being able to be there for you
    and her three grandkids.

    Let your guardian angels help you buckle your seat belt and ride with you.

    You are so in the land of meaning,
    Walking toward the Emerald city
    with a motly group of friends
    you found along the way.

    I better not cry, I’ll rust.
    0111zerozero11 and Kenzi like this.
  12. What does this mean? Personally, sometimes I think God is rather terrifying, so does that mean I'm God-fearing? And why does the Bible say there is no fear in love, does it mean God isn't loving? How can we have a fear of God when there's no fear in him?
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2018
  13. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Then I shall find my ruby shoes & follow the yellow brick road with you all....
    I prefer motly to mundane
    Deleted Account and Trappist like this.
  14. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Idk, really...
    I grew up in an area full of southern Baptists & I recall hearing "he's a God fearing man" quite often. I always assumed it meant living a life God would expect you to because if you don't He can send you to hell.
    I guess that's why people say "I put the fear of God in him".
    But, I could be way off...
  15. mcgrim

    mcgrim Fapstronaut

    I believe it means that you believe in God and respect his power. Not that you are afraid of him.

    Some may believe differently and that I respect as well.
  16. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I agree :)
  17. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Dear Cake,

    You are going through some kind of 'methadone for betrayed spouses' program.
    It works if you work it.

  18. mcgrim

    mcgrim Fapstronaut

    I think this song describes what all SO's go through when dealing with the fall out of having the life you thought you had crumble before your very eyes, but you still need to maintain the hope you will make it through all the hurt and pain you are experiencing.

    I hope no one takes offence to me posting this.

  19. Hey @cakeinacrisis did you ever figure out which Ayn Rand character you were? I don't know why but I have this vague memory you were torn between two.
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