Okay I've got to get this off my chest. I've recently made it almost 3 months on a streak, then slipped up once, twice, and now a third time - all within the space of a few weeks. I've moved from the big city to a relatively small town for a job. The work is good, the people are nice, and I enjoy the lifestyle. However... Each weekend I feel like an outsider. I get in my car and do my errands. Go to a cafe or book shop. Even go to the markets or some social thing. I have anxiety-free conversations with the girls working at venues and shops, and occasionally an interaction will turn into a nice chat. But ultimately I drive back home, and have hours of free time by myself. The last two weekends I've used porn to cope. And the only silver lining I can think of is that it's woken me up to the fact I'm genuinely lonely. I have maybe 1-2 years here before I might go back to the city. Definitely do not want to be single that whole time. Writing this out might have helped already... I'm in my car then doing a quick shop or coffee then driving back home. And spend way too much time indoors during the weekend. I probably need to force myself to get out, walk the town, go see all the attractions. Even if I don't talk to any pretty girls - at least get outside the house. Why do we overthink these things? The solutions are easy? Of course, the actions are the challenge... As always, any and all comments welcome, and hope everyone is having a good day, and if not at least taking a lesson from a bad one.
Hi there. Glad to know that you have a nice job with nice people there. Loneliness is also a problem to me sometimes. I only have one friend who would contact me via Whatsapp from time to time. I usually have big urges whenever I am off from work (I only work for 5~6 hours weekly and so I have tons of free time). I am planning to go hiking and spend some time with the nature, maybe once a week, I guess spending time outdoors (even alone) should help a lot.
Thanks for the comment. Agree free time is a big challenge, I found when I had less hours at work or study was just a few days a week that taking up volunteer hours at a charity or similar really helped take up time in a positive way - and was good for connecting with people too. The outdoors is healing, that's one thing I've acknowledged and also been grateful for away from the city. Maybe there's a hiking group in your area? I plan to try mountain biking soon, but walking a trail or anywhere there's water recharges the batteries for sure!
As I can see, you have good moments chatting with girls, and since you are anxiety free, why not ask them a date? You know, nothing interesting will happen if you keep waiting for something to happen. I always tell that to myself and has been proven right, because since I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment, nothing is happening, even when I have pleasant conversations with girls, but I have this feeling that if I make a move, something will. Also, don't feel the pressure to be in a relationship overtake you, enjoy your free time and have fun!
You're spot on. Nothing will happen if I keep waiting. I had a moment a few months ago where I connected really well with a girl, and felt it was just one extra small step to ask to hang out some time. It seems rare now, but I hope getting out and being more present in the real world will put me on the radar of the single girls in my demographic in this area. Agreed it's no good to be under pressure or stress out about this stuff. And then when we're relaxed about it and carefree I think it's often when we attract people too... Good advice thank you!
