D
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Guest
(I‘m sorry if my English is bad)
I don‘t know where to begin with.
Maybe I should say first: DON’T RELAPSE!! TRY TO DISTRACT YOU, TALK TO SOMEONE ETC. BUT DO NOT LET THE ERECTIONS WIN!
Before I learned about NoFap, I fapped everyday 3 times, at least. I was 12 when I started and 18 when I learned about NoFap. When I got 18 I realized, I‘m not heterosexual like I thought. I‘m asexual, so masturbation got harder and harder to me. Then I learned about NoFap, few days after my birthday.
I want to point out, that since I learned about NoFap, I never got an erection again because of female anime girls. I was so glad about it. Because it disturbed me a lot, that I sometimes didn‘t concentrate to the story of an anime. Instead I often spend the time to stare at the body‘s of the female characters.
That was last year in August. A few days later, I knew that this was the right decision. I was feeling so much better and I got more done.
But a few weeks later, my first relapse happened. I was feeling so dump but I kept going and I was so confident that this will never happen again.
But over the year, many many relapses happened to me. I felt often so depressed and sometimes I didn‘t want to live anymore.
Then, the 26th April 2019 came. Another relapse happend and I felt dump again. But then I looked at my calender and got super motivated. Why? Because if I start this day with hard mode (90 days), I‘m done with it right before my birthday.
So I went for it. The first days were a bit difficult but it got easier and easier. And even though, I had my finals in that time, I was motivated like never before. I wasn‘t even nervous.
After my finals, vacation began. My motivation increased a lot. Even though I never liked to go outside, I rode my bicycle everyday. A few days later, I decided to watch an anime. (Note: I want to point out, how much I love anime. Everytime, I watch an anime, I feel like I‘m in another world. Maybe there‘s someone who knows these feelings, too.)
After two episodes, I decided to spent the rest of the vacation only watching anime (and of course ride my bicycle). I felt everyday so comfortable and great, but I didn‘t know that I would be the one, who destroy these feelings.
After two weeks, I got an erection. (Note: I got my last erection on 26th April) I panicked because I didn‘t know what to do. But luckily, I could distract myself.
The next day, the erection got worse. Even if I distract myself, the erection tried to convince me to fap, but I got over the day.
The day after, the erection was still there and even worse. Distracting me wasn‘t possible. I panicked and walked in my room back and forth. I began to think: Maybe it wouldn‘t be so bad if I fap.
In the evening, I managed to watch another anime. After that, the erection got away. You can’t imagine how that felt. I never felt so great in my life.
The next day (it was Sunday) I woke up and the great feeling was still there. But a few hours later, the erection came back. I got so mad but on that day, I managed it.
Monday and Thursday were terrible days, though. The erection got maximized. Everytime, I touched my body anywhere, the erection got worse and worse. When I stood up and walked around, it got worse and worse.
Wednesday, 5th June. The worst day of my life (maybe, but definitely one of those). I couldn‘t stand anymore and got weak. I relapsed.
I raged. I couldn‘t stop raging. (At least I‘m not a guy who screams around and throws objects. When I rage, it‘s just inside me.)
I couldn‘t believe what I just have done to me. All the process, gone. Forever. I got so mad you couldn’t believe me.
I tried to say positive things to me like: „It isn‘t that bad. Now you know it‘s really not your thing. Don‘t be ashamed. Etc.
But it didn‘t help.
I watched an anime and I got even more mad. That warm feeling I felt the last days everytime I watched an anime was gone. It wasn‘t there anymore. Maybe you can imagine, how frustrated I was.
Today is my 4th day. I woke up a few minutes ago. I‘m feeling a bit (but just a bit) better right know. But I‘m still so angry that I have done this.
But what the most important thing is: I‘m so afraid that the warm feeling will never come back...
I don‘t know where to begin with.
Maybe I should say first: DON’T RELAPSE!! TRY TO DISTRACT YOU, TALK TO SOMEONE ETC. BUT DO NOT LET THE ERECTIONS WIN!
Before I learned about NoFap, I fapped everyday 3 times, at least. I was 12 when I started and 18 when I learned about NoFap. When I got 18 I realized, I‘m not heterosexual like I thought. I‘m asexual, so masturbation got harder and harder to me. Then I learned about NoFap, few days after my birthday.
I want to point out, that since I learned about NoFap, I never got an erection again because of female anime girls. I was so glad about it. Because it disturbed me a lot, that I sometimes didn‘t concentrate to the story of an anime. Instead I often spend the time to stare at the body‘s of the female characters.
That was last year in August. A few days later, I knew that this was the right decision. I was feeling so much better and I got more done.
But a few weeks later, my first relapse happened. I was feeling so dump but I kept going and I was so confident that this will never happen again.
But over the year, many many relapses happened to me. I felt often so depressed and sometimes I didn‘t want to live anymore.
Then, the 26th April 2019 came. Another relapse happend and I felt dump again. But then I looked at my calender and got super motivated. Why? Because if I start this day with hard mode (90 days), I‘m done with it right before my birthday.
So I went for it. The first days were a bit difficult but it got easier and easier. And even though, I had my finals in that time, I was motivated like never before. I wasn‘t even nervous.
After my finals, vacation began. My motivation increased a lot. Even though I never liked to go outside, I rode my bicycle everyday. A few days later, I decided to watch an anime. (Note: I want to point out, how much I love anime. Everytime, I watch an anime, I feel like I‘m in another world. Maybe there‘s someone who knows these feelings, too.)
After two episodes, I decided to spent the rest of the vacation only watching anime (and of course ride my bicycle). I felt everyday so comfortable and great, but I didn‘t know that I would be the one, who destroy these feelings.
After two weeks, I got an erection. (Note: I got my last erection on 26th April) I panicked because I didn‘t know what to do. But luckily, I could distract myself.
The next day, the erection got worse. Even if I distract myself, the erection tried to convince me to fap, but I got over the day.
The day after, the erection was still there and even worse. Distracting me wasn‘t possible. I panicked and walked in my room back and forth. I began to think: Maybe it wouldn‘t be so bad if I fap.
In the evening, I managed to watch another anime. After that, the erection got away. You can’t imagine how that felt. I never felt so great in my life.
The next day (it was Sunday) I woke up and the great feeling was still there. But a few hours later, the erection came back. I got so mad but on that day, I managed it.
Monday and Thursday were terrible days, though. The erection got maximized. Everytime, I touched my body anywhere, the erection got worse and worse. When I stood up and walked around, it got worse and worse.
Wednesday, 5th June. The worst day of my life (maybe, but definitely one of those). I couldn‘t stand anymore and got weak. I relapsed.
I raged. I couldn‘t stop raging. (At least I‘m not a guy who screams around and throws objects. When I rage, it‘s just inside me.)
I couldn‘t believe what I just have done to me. All the process, gone. Forever. I got so mad you couldn’t believe me.
I tried to say positive things to me like: „It isn‘t that bad. Now you know it‘s really not your thing. Don‘t be ashamed. Etc.
But it didn‘t help.
I watched an anime and I got even more mad. That warm feeling I felt the last days everytime I watched an anime was gone. It wasn‘t there anymore. Maybe you can imagine, how frustrated I was.
Today is my 4th day. I woke up a few minutes ago. I‘m feeling a bit (but just a bit) better right know. But I‘m still so angry that I have done this.
But what the most important thing is: I‘m so afraid that the warm feeling will never come back...
