My Story and my future

Hello, everyone. Today I'd like to tell my story and hope you guys will draw some inspiration from this.

A small introduction: My name is Rhys. I'm a student and aspiring musician. That's all you need to know right now

Now my story...

I learned about NoFap around October 2016. A video went viral of a guy talking about his 6 months with no P and M. I was intrigued but thought it wasn't for me. At around December time where I was off education, I looked up more about porn addiction. I found out that M'ing twice a day every day is considered being addicted which is exactly what I was doing. This is when I also noticed changes in myself that are linked to my addiction. My energy lowering, my motivation lowering, my concentration lowering, my interest in real women lowering and so on and so on. I noticed that I got bad grades in school when I was 16 because I was distracted by porn and not taking any initiative in myself because I was around people who saw jacking off all the time was okay and it really isn't. When I left school I never contacted them again and thank god I did.

It was new years. I vowed to myself that I would quit this habit and addiction this year. I started alone. I didn't tell anyone and I had to think of my own way out. My first strategy was to cut down and not quit completely because that never works. So It went from relapsing once a day for a week, 3 times a week, twice a week, to once a week. I was making progress. I then finally told someone. I told my long distance friend about my addiction and she was willing to help. She never was into PMO herself and she knows how much it can drain a man from his soul. A few weeks later, That long distance friend and I started dating. My first girlfriend, I've ever had in the 19 years I've been alive. I wasn't happy that I got a girlfriend, I was happy that it was someone special. From there I was quitting for her.

After that, I told more people. I got a lot of mixed reactions. Some called me brave, some calling it stupid and some even calling me gay. But I didn't listen because that's immature and dumb.

I was on a long streak till that day. 2-month dating... She broke up with me. I had no control. It wasn't my fault. I was heartbroken. We had been close for months and she left without me even saying goodbye. This broke me and I relapsed several times over and over out of sadness.

It was there that I joined the forum. It was there that I found people like me. I was so glad I could talk to people who are having the same problems as me.

I tried using different methods to stop me from relapsing ever again. I tried seaman retention to porn, blocking software and fear to stop me and they worked. The fear one mostly. I made myself fear watching porn. I felt as though watching porn would fuel the disgusting industry of ruining both male and female lives in and out of the industry. This was very effective. I watch documentaries, read articles and read ex- porn stars stories. I can say that I won't watch porn again.

after all that it became much easier to quit. Now I'm on day 70+ and I feel as though I'm becoming the person I'm destined to be. The charismatic artist that I dreamt of being. My motivation for education and music are on a high and my confidence is way higher than it used to. People who I knew from school say that I'm the same guy but a missing piece was filled.

Here is my advice. Find what works for you and find someone who you do this for. even if it's you. Remeber, true nobility isn't being superior to others, it's about being superior to your former self.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, I may add more further down the line. Take care and stay strong.

 

I doubt I'm going to forgive her. She left when I needed her and left for selfish reasons. I'm going to continue without her and she will regret her decision. Either way she's been gone for months, since around April and she has completely shut off the internet so she isn't coming back. Back to me at least. Best I forget.

 

I know why she left but it's all very confusing. I've accepted that she isn't coming back. I'm still deciding if I should forgive her or not. If she was actually able to talk to than I could talk to her and get answers but thats, not the case. I'll maybe forgive her for myself so I don't have to beat myself up over it. Again I'm moving on by myself, life isn't about relationships. My music career is taking some shape and I'm doing it without her support. Thank for your kind words, much appreciated.

 

This pmo quitting should always be for you. You did it for her and thats why you lost it when she was gone. When you do things for you then they last and motivation never disapears. As you see its very dump and immature to do something for a girl.

I did my first 100 day streak for work and second one for a girl. But this streak is for myself and I feel like this going to be the longest one. No work or girls can affect it this time. Its all for me. Because I love myself and have grown up enough to see Im worth it.

 

I know now that I'm doing this for me. I did from the start, it's just when we were a thing my focus on quitting was for her and you're right it was a dumb moving. Making mistakes is the best way to learn.

Good luck with your journey too man