Need a Female perspective

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Onehope, Jan 4, 2018.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Like I said that’s the difference between men and women we do friendzone people. We don’t spend our time engaging in friendships with people we see as potential romantic partners. If we wanted to date them we would! We make friends with men the same way we do with other women. Ask yourself would you want to date one of your male friends? I bet you are going to say no that’s icky! When you are a friend to a woman that’s exactly how she feels about dating you. She’s just not attracted to you in that way. It does not mean you are not attractive or that she does not think you would make a good partner for someone else but not her.

    I hug my female friends tight so do most women. I suspect most men don’t hug each other tight. So it causes confusion. Male to male friendships are so much different than female to female. Women treat their male friends the same as female friends but since men are not used to that it confuses them. Liking things on social media also means nothing.

    You see it as her dating a lot of jerks instead of you. And you are a great candidate so why would she chose them? Except to her you are not a great or even a good candidate because she’s not attracted to you. She’s just not. You know how you are attracted to certain people and not others? How someone can look great on paper but you feel nothing? That’s what it is. It’s not complex. You are making it complex because you don’t like the answer.
     
  2. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    It just seems shallow to me.

    I was once unnatracted to this girl who was seeking me out, I didnt friendzone her, I just got to know her better, and in time I began to find her attractive and we dated.

    Things change in time, including perspectives, but apparently women dont feel the same way I do.

    I am somehow engraved in stone to never be a candidate for romance because she doesnt feel a tingly sensation between her legs when she sees me.

    Sorry to say this but if thats all it takes to be with someone then personality, intelligence and the heart means absolutely nothing.
     
  3. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut


    I only started wondering about it recently since shes had a shift in her personality towards me. All these things shes doing is new, so it made me wonder. Before I wasnt even thinking about her, not until she became closer to me.

    I didnt even assume she suddenly liked me or anything like that, I was just wondering, just curiosity, nothing more.
     
  4. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    It may go through hear but realize that those thoughts are not your true self that's your ego wanting and desiring we all have these thoughts but we have to realize that all the love we need is already inside of us and looking for happiness and self of worth in things and people will always lead to suffering when we think about what could have been we feel guilt and shame because we are living in the past when we look forward to the future we are anxious life is like a wave you gotta ride it the tide goes up and down and when you have self worth and confidence and goals your ship is fortified to go through any storm it's obviously human nature to want a partner or romantic relationship but we also need to realize that if we get have peace being alone when these things come into our lives we will never fully enjoy them because we will put so much pressure on the other person to make us happy hope this helps bro remember you want become the person you want to attract
     
  5. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Well obviously attraction is the catalyst but if you don't have none of those things after the initial attraction will it be a fulfilling realationship probably not because looks fade
     
  6. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. We usually feel an initial attraction to someone physically and that’s beyond our control. Of course you can’t just have that attraction there has to be more to develop love and a relationship. But if that initial attraction is not there you never get to that point. Do some people become more attractive to you as you get to know them better of course but if you are not at all attracted to them to begin with that’s not likely to change. Maybe over a short period of time but years? No.
     
    JamesWarrior and Hitto like this.
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    It’s not shallow. People are attracted to who they are attracted to. It’s just life. Are you shallow because you are not attracted to every single girl that walks in the door? And here’s the thing she friend zoned you early on because she was not attracted to you BUT she continued to get to know you and I think you would agree that she does know you. You have had a chance to show her who you are. If her opinion was going to change based on non physical attributes it would have done so. It has not. We can’t control who we are attracted to. Don’t you want to be with someone that you are attracted to physically? You say that you don’t give her that tingly feeling between her legs as if there is something wrong with her wanting that? That makes her a bad person and she should force herself to change that that’s shallow.

    She’s just not attracted to you in that way. You can’t change that, she can’t change that it is just how things are. Honestly if the situation were reversed and I was advising her I would tell her to end the friendship. It’s clear you want more and you are angry and bitter that she does not. You are going to keep interpreting her behavior for what you want and getting more and more bitter.

    And if you must know just ask her right out if she’s interested now. That seems like an easy solution? But you know she’s going to say she’s not so you would rather not do that and interpret her actions to be what you want.
     
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  8. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    Ive already stated multiple times that I know she doesnt like me as more than a friend and she will most likely never will.

    I dont know why it looks like Im denying that.

    Maybe it has made me sad to think why she doesnt feel Im fit to be something more, it makes me feel inferior to every asshole shes dated.

    I completely understand someone's attraction is different for everybody, and no matter what she will never see me differently no matter what I do.

    I dont blame her for that, she didnt do something wrong, I just think no one can blame me for asking a simple question, I dont know why its so bad to have feelings for someone and not get them in return.

    I didnt choose to like her as much as she didnt choose to not like me.

    But I did choose to be her friend regardless.

    If you feel our friendship is fake I respect your opinion.

    But I will have to disagree.

    Things arent as black and white to me.

    Theres a shade of gray in the middle where I can be friends with someone who friendzoned me.
     
  9. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    I'm learning this now too people can't help who they are physically attracted to but I'm at the point where I'm understanding that some women will make it way easier for you to setup dates with them and they will be very inquisitive and ask you a lot of questions about yourself and you can tell she is mutually interested but I understand that this situation is not always the case but I think it's the most optimal for me when choosing who I want to date but you just gotta keep on sending positive vibes and not get offended if people aren't interested you give yourself the peace of mind that you tried and that eventually you will find someone
     
  10. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    And honestly in time I may meet a great person who will like me back and be in a good relationship, its not like I'll like her forever and never get over her. Time passes and people move on, and so will I.
     
  11. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    If you think at the end of the day that decision gives you the most peace and won't hinder your NoFap progress then do it
     
  12. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    You are not inferior don’t let yourself think that. It’s not your fault or hers. Think of it like she’s just not the one for you, but someone else is. This type of thinking though makes me concerned you are upset and being friends with her will make you more upset over time.
    There is nothing wrong with asking not at all. There is also nothing wrong with having feelings for someone who does not return them that happens to all of us. We can’t control our feelings nor can we make them go away. But we can control our actions. You are continuing a friendship with a girl you have feelings for who has made it clear she does not reciprocate. That makes you feel bad. I don’t understand how this is going to end well for you? What do you hope happens?
    Of course things are not always black and white in feelings but here for her they are. You are trying to create a gray line where maybe there could be more that’s your gray area, not hers. Are you a fake friend no you care for her. Do you have motives beyond friendship yes. If she finds that out will she be upset most likely.

    The bottom line is there is no way that this is going to end in a manner that makes you happy. It’s only going to make you feel worse overtime as she continues to reject you. It seems though you need to learn this lesson on your own and that’s okay. I wish you luck but guard your heart and take care of yourself.
     
  13. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I do hope you do. But let me give you one last word of caution. There are some women who just like the attention of men. They will keep guys around as friends to build up their ego until they meet the one, sort of like a backup plan. They will give you just enough ambiguity to string you along and then bam ditch and run. Be careful.
     
  14. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut


    Thanks, Ill keep that in mind
     
  15. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    So ask her. If you're content with being her friend, then you won't mind being honest with her and finding out what's really going on.

    Being bitter about the guys she dates and how confusingly she treats you behind her back isn't really considered being a good friend now is it?

    You aren't content. You're lowering your expectations so that you won't get hurt while still secretly holding on to the hope that she will change her mind.

    Want to be her friend? Be honest with her about what's going on.

    Want to be a friend that secretly wants more than that? Continue being bitter and never have the difficult conversations that you need to have with her.

    This obviously bothers you. Don't try to say it doesn't... because you created a forum thread about it. So don't be an immature little boy that whines about the unfairness of life while pretending like there's nothing wrong between you and your so called friend. Learn to have mature and honest conversations.
     
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  16. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    The fact that you use a term like "friendzone" shows your bitterness and how far you are from being content with this whole situation.
     
  17. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    I value my friendship with her too much to ruin it by bringing up something I already told her before. Theres no point in asking her if I already know the answer.

    My question wasnt whether or not she has feelings for me, it was simply to know if her feelings would ever change.

    Clearly no one thinks she will, so I will take that as my answer.
     
  18. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Ask her if she has any friends she could set you up with.

    If she thinks you're such a great guy that she cares for, she'll be excited to match you with one of her friends.

    And now that you're her real and forever content friend... and the word FRIEND doesn't sting you anymore... have an honest friendly chat with her about how it bothers you so much to see her dating the same types of guys that tread her badly. That's what friends are for right?
     
    SanityOverVanity and Ub3rT1m3 like this.
  19. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You know what's a better word than friend?? BROTHER haha. Be her her big brother and smarten her up about the guys she dates.
     
    misterspock likes this.
  20. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    She never listens to my advice lol. She describes a guy shes dating and I can tell hes just another asshole. Not because of jealousy, just straight up asshole.

    One example is her last bf, it was a professor at her university, she attended his class, and he actually hit on her.

    Aside from being unethical, the guy was way older and he has kids, plus he was divorced, but had a woman in his life he was ignoring.

    Just by that description you understand hes a creep.

    He dumped her after he got bored of her, just like I figured he would.

    He takes advantage of his students, the girl he was ignoring, was another student of his he grew tired of.

    But hey what do I know, attraction is a bitch.
     

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