Need Advice- PAWS, Extreme laziness, weed, depression

It's been about a year and half since I watched P. In that time, I've MOed less than 10 times. I've been attempting NoFap for a little over 3 years now. The first two years was very difficult, but I was doing more with my life then. I was actually going to the gym, eating healthier, and my apartment was relatively clean.

I started going through PAWS when I was several months into attempting nofap and it has been so hard. The first year or so of PAWS was BRUTAL. I was angry 90% of the time and I felt depressed and like I was losing my mind. I would wake up in the night and be unable to get back to sleep because I was so "worked up" by the things I couldn't let go of. I still feel like this, but it is a little better than it was. The worst about it all, is I've had this constant feeling of "dread" and "hopelessness." It seems like it will never end.

Around after a year of trying to get through hell (aka PAWS) I basically decided to just concentrate on never watching porn again and on nothing else. The past year has been spent doing basically nothing, as I just "sit around" waiting for PAWS to end. I knew that I would eventually have way more energy and wouldn't have to try so hard. I basically just smoke weed all day. I tell myself that I do it to feel better. My apartment is a complete mess. I spend very little time actually doing anything productive. I should also mention that I've had depression for almost 20 years and was a porn addict for that entire time. I don't work (I'm on disability/welfare,) but I hope to get better and get a good career someday. I think my porn addiction caused my depression.

The weed helped me cope, but now it's just depressing. I don't want to live like this anymore, but it's so hard. I'm having a really hard time and could really use some wisdom. Thanks

 

I have a really hard time finding things that I do enjoy doing. I was thinking about getting back into the gym, tho.