Need dating advice. I've never had a gf and would like to have one.

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Omor Almamun, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. Alma1995

    Alma1995 Fapstronaut

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    Look here buddy. I don't want to sound like I'm scolding you but if she doesn't want to date you it doesn't really mean you lack something. It's her choice to date or not to date whoever she pleases and you have to learn to cope with that. Like some character (I don't remember the name) from Game of Thrones said: A man comes to a woman and tells her he loves her. The woman rejects him and the man leaves. Who lost something?. Most people would say the man. But no, the man lost a woman who didn't love him but the woman lost a man that loved her. See what I'm trying to say? You might not have a relationship with this girl but another will come. Don't lose hope. Remember, relationships work best if you don't really need one to be happy if that makes any sense.
     
  2. I'm not giving up on NoFap or asking girls. But I'm not gonna ask her out because I don' like her anymore.
     
  3. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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    Buddy, listen here. After her asking why you still had a chance, but the way you tell us it happened looks to me like you lost your cool. Why take her serious? She is just 1 girl from 2.500.000.000 girls in the whole world Her asking "why" when you write me "you want to talk with her about something" tells me either - she doesn´t respect you or she isn´t too bright in general.
    Well either way, believe me, you are better off without her.

    Read my advice again, if you want to have a popular girlfriend you must be popular in 99% of the case, yourself.

    Of course the girl is just a brat. It´s one thing declining your confession or even declining your invitation but the way she did it tells me she is a low quality person.

    Every girl can be nice on the surface but girls that are truly good at heart, you don´t find them that often.
    Girls, because they are normally physically weaker than boys tend to use brains over brawns. Which means they are more prone to gossiping, manipulation and "acting". It´s not their fault, that´s just the way it is in many cases.

    If you want to get a girlfriend start with the most important thing:
    1. Get a goal, get a mission! What do you want to do in life? Don´t be a "cool" loser that doesn´t like to learn or work hard. Your value in society, like everyone of us, is what you can do for society,that´s a cruel statement but it is true.
    ---- of course someone with prospects will be more attractive to the other sex than one without. find your passion and get a drive in life. Don´t be a sheep and minion of society.

    2. Get yourself in shape, do pushups, do situps, pick up a martial art or any other sport, for a jog regularly.
    There is no excuse, for not doing it. And deep down you know it. JUST DO IT
    and don´t forget the stretching afterwards.

    3. Forgive yourself and your past mistakes. Start over NOW. Anything anyone ever said about you. Forget it now!
    You create yourself you control yourself, you find yourself.

    Stop looking for excuses, don´t blame others. Even if you are young - YOU are responsible for yourself.
    Stop being a snowflake, I mean c´mon dude start LIVING your life. A girlfriend is secondary. Primary goal is to become the man you want to be. The man you ought to be, the man it makes you proud to be.

    1 liter of blood, 10 liters of tears and 100 liters of sweat: That´s how much I want to invest in MYSELF and my life until the 1.1.2017.

    Start valuing your time and your energy. If you play games, then games may be cool. But are they really worth the time of your ONLY life? is it worth it to be angry at others and be negative and pessimistic? every negative thought, everytime you lose your calmness of mind you lost time of your life!
    That´s a simple truth - don´t be the regular hamster in the wheel called society. Own yourself, own your selfrespect.

    Everything begins with TRULY accepting, TRULY forgiving and TRULY respecting yourself. If you don´t do that, everything is for naught. Others will only respect you (in general) from the bottom of their heart if you respect yourself. you can only ever love others, if you love yourself, you can only start getting the best version of yourself after forgiving yourself!

    Right now you are Omor Version 00.1; You are the product of your surroundings. A "victim of fate". You blame others and buy into the victim role. It makes you powerless, a hamster in wheel who can only every keep running.


    Don´t get me wrong, I am genuinely trying to help you here, if you don´t appreciate that or can´t swallow the truth, then I will not bother wasting my time anymore. --> just let me know.

    TELL me about yourself, what are your hobbies? your dreams? future? what makes you proud of yourself?
    What are your weaknesses?
    This site is anonymous - so you don´t have to be afraid of losing face.
    My weaknesses are for example : false and fragile pride. wasting time on escapism (gaming and reading fantasynovels) not standing directly up when my alarm clock goes. negative thought. being overwhelmed by feelings (must never happen) and sometimes pessimism.

    And they are all my own fault, my responsibility, if someone laughs at me for being ugly (which I am of course not lol)
    and i get overwhelmed by anger than it´s my fault for taking it serious and getting angry.

    Of course getting angry is a good thing, but let only your heart grow hot with fire your mind and brain must ALWAYS have a cool temperature. There is no such terrifying thing as calm, just anger.
    Back to the topic.
    TAKE YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY, responsibility is power of others and yourself. If you let your mood, emotions, thoughts and failures being controlled by others, if you blame others for things going wrong in your life THEN my friend you are a victim, and YOU victimize yourself you give your power away to others.

    never invest (way) more in a relationship than others do. The more time and energy we invest into something the more valuable we think it is. That´s why you should 80% of your time and energy in yourself. Not in "free time" and feeling good, but things that are longlived - sports, education, socialising (no one is a master from the start)

    If others laugh at you - don´t waste time and energy at them - you have a mission to fullfill
    If girls don´t want you - don´t waste your time and energy for them - there are 2.490.000.000 other girls on this planet.

    I will tell you something cruel now. sorry, for that beforehand. Santa Claus isn´t real - as is the "one true love". Or in other words finding your "true love" is 10.000 harder then winning the lotto jackpot. Don´t buy into the Disney-illusion. There are people who get along really well and love blossoms to a real one. But there isn´t the one person you have been destined for, sorry. That´s at least my own opinion

    Now Omor, be cruelly honest to yourself. What would a girl like about you? Do you even like yourself? Yes? then cool? Maybe no? Then start liking yourself, give yourself reasons to like yourself.
    Don´t be a princess on a bean, start working out, start taking learning seriously, the you in 20 years will be ever grateful to you. Pick up real hobbies: learn an instrument, pick up a sport, go jogging DO something for your mind, read books or get politically interested. Don´t be a loser who keeps himself from crying by telling himself people who are good at school are nerds. Not learning is for losers. Not working out is for losers (except they are physically not able to) There is NO excuse for not doing these things. The only excuse is being a loser. because a loser will always find an excuse and someone or something to blame. "It´s the teachers fault" "I want to be cool, that´s why i don´t learn" " I don´t want others to bully me" "If I really tried I would be good, but I am just lazy" - No you are not lazy or an "underachiever" you are a plain old loser.

    a loser isn´t someone who loses, a loser is someone who stops trying. Every time you fall stand up 2times as fast, let the passion and gratefulness for living and being alive burn in your eyes.
    I mean think about! We are alive, we have a concious mind that can achieve as good as anything! Isn´t that marvelous? Isn´t it never too late to start trying? Even if you fail, you can start again, if you stand up, if you keep trying even when you fail, you are not a loser anymore, you are a warrior , you are a winner.

    I kind lost the red line here, whatever.
     
    silenteagle, Fungry4Success and cud like this.
  4. I told the girl that she should meet me at the library and she says "no", so I stop liking her and say "don't come then." I believe that she will only make life worse for me if I date her so I will choose not to.

    I'll start meditation from today because it's good for relaxing your brain.

    I cycle a lot and will start cycling even more in the forest so I can breathe fresh air and enjoy myself. I'll set a goal to do pushups everyday and do some weight lifting.

    I do have good grades (people perceive me as smart) and I will try to work harder.

    I do play an instrument, saxophone and I think it's one of my passions.

    I procrastinate a lot during bedtime which makes me go to bed very late at night, but I think I'll start a bedtime routine 1.5 hours before bedtime. This way I'll have time to relax by meditation and reading a book.

    But I don't understand the part where you say I shouldn't play video games. I love playing video games and would not like to stop. I talk on skype with my friends and we usually discuss about interesting topics and play video games.
     
  5. Harvhe

    Harvhe Fapstronaut

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    I believe you've taken this out of context, you've already pushed her away and alienated her by 'ordering' her to go to a place then telling her rudely to 'not bother, dont come then'. She is probably not interested in you for this bullying behaviour and throwing a tantrum when she declines especially now (at the end of the day she's not your propety, she's another person)

    Its not a matter of when you 'stop liking her' but rather whether you like her at all in the first place if you pick and choose what's good for you without considering anything else. I wish you luck with the other things you list to do in the meantime but unless you start acting a bit nicer, she's probably not going to forget the rude jesture, even if she is as has been pointed out is a bit of a brat herself. Without tackling the problem and trying to make amends you'll end up just burying your head in the sand.

    Im sorry to be so blunt but, i must admit that you shocked me with the course of action you took.
     
  6. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    If you are going to ask a girl/woman anything especially to spend time with you, you do it in person face to face. Why? Better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. No texting. Too spineless.

    Luckily you are 14 and not 24 or even 34. You have lots to learn along the way which is good because honestly what you did is such a dick move! Yet she also pulled a bratty move.

    Ahhhhh to be young again!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2016
    silenteagle likes this.
  7. I got a little angry because she didn't even wanna talk to me. I'm totally okay with her not liking me, but to not even talk to me, that's too extreme. I didn't bully or throw a tantrum. I was just irritated because she didn't wanna talk to me so that's why I said "Don't come then."
     
  8. I texted her and said I have something important to say, I didn't ask her out on a date over text. I was angry because she didn't wanna come to the library and talk to me which is very weird. If a person tells me they have something important to say, I'd listen even if I don't necessarily like the person.
     
  9. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    This is just the beginning I am tell you right now. There are lots more crazy shit with women you are going to deal with in the future. Like making plans and then cancel on you at the last minute or she forgets and does other things. Your emotions are going to be out of whack. At least she responded to you. Well if you are still interested in her best advice I can tell you is that you step back go on with your business and do the things you like to do. Plus also talk to other people/girls. If she comes to you great if not go chat with girls who will be interested in you.
     
  10. For some reason I feel more confident that she didn't wanna meet me and talk to me so I think that this experience was positive. I'll not talk to her much unless she comes and talks to me.

    I'll just continue with my life and become the greatest version of myself. I'll maybe start talking to other girls and maybe I'll get a gf.
     
    RealLifeGamer likes this.
  11. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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    There are 3.7 billion girls on earth, no reason to feel sorry or obsess about one.
    You will find the right one. You do your thing, make your life count and talk to people, be social, get involved, if they don´t like or accept you, move on to the next and this way you find true friends and a nice girlfriend. ;)
     
    cud likes this.
  12. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Move on. Truths has been said here! Women are like that - I though I got them but you will never and we will never understand them.

    Move on, if she comes great, if not anyone else will! You cannot pursue someone who doesnt want to be with you, or maybe it was just a test or she has feelings for someone else. You never know, only one option that you can choose is to concentrate on yourself. Built the one character you want to meet in opposite sex.

    Good luck, you ll make it!!!
     
  13. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Man I like you answers a lot. They are pure wisdom of real man! Quite curious whether you life by this code :) cause me personally know that this is very difficult to accomplish this task.

    I know all stuff that you mentioned here - I work on myself after very bad personality crash after bad-cheating-almost-having-a-family break up and all I have to say here (in my case) it takes effort and it all takes some time.

    Just for Omor - it takes some time to built character you want to built. You have your imagination, you follow it, you will meet some ups and also a lot of down but if you never stop, you ll find in some time (when you look back) that you are growing. And this will never end, you either go downward or upward spiral - the second one needs effort. But once you built habit it ll go up constantly.

    All I want to say is never quit, never stop asking yourself what you really want and when someone else (a girl) doesnt want to be around you - no problem, you dont need to please or persue someone you really DONT! And there will be time when you do it but those times will just comfirm what i have just said. Life is like that - you can read a lot of stuff but you only learn from experiences.
     
  14. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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    Sorry to hear you had a bad time, but it´s the hard times that determine a man´s quality, everyone can play in easy mode ;)
    It´s difficult for anyone - also for me - and that´s the nice thing - not many people try hard enough to become the best version of themselves and if you achieve it then you can be really proud of yourself and make it big in life.
    everytime i am about to fall and even if I fall I remember my own advices stand up again :)
     
  15. Lol He's 14
     
  16. Fungry4Success

    Fungry4Success Fapstronaut

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    Dude, you give some good advice on here that I would take all-day everyday. I was directly consuming every sentence you posted up there. Awesome!
     
    RealLifeGamer likes this.
  17. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    That sounds like a clever idea :), i ll try it!
     
  18. Verhart

    Verhart Fapstronaut

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    If I were your age I'd start lifting now. If you have never worked out before, you might want to start with bodyweight excercises. Take care of how you dress(check r/malefashionadvice) and read the book No more Mr. Nice Guy. Those things won't get you a gf in a week, but they will greatly improve your overall confidence. And there is nothing more sexy than a confident man.

    @ Use texting only for setting up dates! No man has ever seduced a girl through talking a lot through texting.
     
  19. Yeah I have some dumbbells (they're my dad's) at my home that weigh 15 lbs (6.8 kg). Is that enough weight? Also how many reps for each arm should I do everyday?
     
  20. Verhart

    Verhart Fapstronaut

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    Well, if you're just starting, you should focus on compound movements. Try doing pushups, squats. If you don't have a bar at home you can always find a park where there is one. Do pullups and dips, or if you can't do them yet, do australian pullups and more pushups until you can do negative dips. You can compliment this with dumbell curls, let's say 3x8reps.(I can't know if the weight is ok. If you can't do 4-5 reps it's probably too heavy and if you more than 12-15 it's probably too light for you. Also watch your form and don't jerk the weight. You can ask your father how to do it, I'm sure he'll be happy. )

    Also, don't do crunches. They're shit.

    For more info google calisthenics begginer routine or go to r/fitness. If you have questions you can pm me.
     

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