Need dating advice. I've never had a gf and would like to have one.

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Omor Almamun, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. Hello dear fapstronauts!

    I'm a 14 year old (soon 15) boy and have fapped since I was 12. I discovered nofap and saw all the benefits so I decided to give it a try. Right now I'm on my longest streak, 8 days of no PMO.

    When I don't fap I do feel more confident, but I haven't experienced any superpowers or that girls are looking at me all the time.

    So there's a very cute girl in my class who I'd like to date, but I'm a little anxious to ask her.

    I'm not the most popular guy in class, but she's not so popular either. I have glasses, I'm a little fat (it's visible only if I take my shirt off), but I'd say my face is pretty nice. I have heard that looks aren't the most important thing, confidence is more important.

    I don't really talk to her in school, but I have her on kik (a messaging app), I talk to her there sometimes. Some people tell me I should first talk to her more before asking her on a date, but I want to just go and ask her.

    I was thinking I should ask the girl on Friday 15th April. The thing is that she's always with her friends so I can't talk to her alone. What should I do to talk with her alone? Also, should I just have a small talk with her first before asking her on a date or should I just straight out ask her?
     
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  2. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Pick up the book Mate by Tucker Max and Dr. Geoffrey Miller. This book will really help you now and going forward. I really wished this came out when I was your age.

    One thing I learned which was at a much later time is that to attract the women you want you have to be your best self. People keep saying confidence, confidence, confidence. But what is confidence and how do you develop it? It is a life long journey so enjoy the process.
     
  3. WalkingForward

    WalkingForward Fapstronaut

    I don't know anything about that book but he doesn't need to buy and read a book before asking this girl out.

    Do you have her number? If so, I would suggest calling her and asking her out. Otherwise I think asking her out on kik would be fine, but calling her or asking her in person would be better. Ask her right away.

    The claims that NoFap gives you superpowers and that girls will automatically become interested in you because of it isn't true. What NoFap does is removing something that can have a negative impact on many people. You're very lucky for discovering NoFap at such a young age.

    Be confident and also be a gentleman. Also, it's not good to be desperate. Be straightforward and ask her out directly, but if she says no that's fine. And if you do start dating and get together, there is no need to rush things. You probably don't really realize how young you are and how much of your life you have ahead of you :)

    Good luck!
     
  4. MNinerZERO

    MNinerZERO Fapstronaut

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    Cute. You know I did that too in middle school? There was this one really cute/hot girl that I really liked. I couldn't get the courage to talk to her in person so I imed her a whole bunch on AIM. Then, one day she just came up to me and started talking. Nothing happened after that point, but I remember this being one of those "oh..." moments in life. Just a similar story I wanted to share.

    You should still be working out, though. It's a good habit to form.
     
    RealLifeGamer likes this.
  5. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    Better for him to arm himself properly by learning how to interact with women if he educates himself. This is not some one and done. There is no destination but a life long journey in dealing with women and people in general. Learning through books will give him an edge as opposed to real life trial and error where it may really hamper with his self esteem. This is the problem with school and education these days. They just don't teach you the most important stuff in life like how to connect with people. The book I mentioned teaches you how to interact and connect with women with honesty not just with her but with yourself as well developing a win-win for everyone.
     
    Ascorb likes this.
  6. Worthyofstanding2

    Worthyofstanding2 Fapstronaut

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  7. I feel like it's best to ask in person so I'll do that and try to remain as calm as possible. I'll be on day 15 when I ask her so hopefully I'll be less anxious.
     
  8. Your really suggesting a 14 year old kid to read a book about dating lol

    @Omor Almamun IMO, I would say be friends with her at first. But make sure you do at some point make a move. When I was your age I passed out on so many possible gf's due to my shyness. Being shy kills good moments and opportunities. I had to learn the hard way. And you are so lucky to find out about Nofap at the age of 14. Even if you don't get that girl, I'm really rooting for you to beat this addiction. Good job on reaching day 15 and stay strong.
     
    Savage Shards likes this.
  9. GSarosi

    GSarosi Guest

    LOL. Your reply answered your own question.

    If going the trial and error route is a good go then be my guest. The guy being 14 most likely doesn't know much or anything at all. Hell I know some guys at 34 doesn't know much either. Because honestly we were never taught how to. If you guys think it is silly well think about this. If you were taught about mating/dating/attraction and mastered all the intricacies porn addiction wouldn't exist in your life. Sites like noFap would probably not exist.

    Since no one is going to teach you since this is considered somewhat taboo then you have to take matters into your own hands and educate/empower yourself. Better him learning at 14. Anyways it is not about asking some girl out and that is it. What the hell is he going to do afterwards if she says Yes. How is he going to interact with her so he doesn't trip on himself. I know 14 is a young age but if he learn how now it would do him wonders down the road.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 10, 2016
  10. Good point.
     
  11. Lucky1

    Lucky1 Fapstronaut

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    Omor, sooner best you accept that girls are always with their friends

    What do you talk to her on KIK about, have you spoken to her in person before, if not, that's your next step :)

    Find a time were you can talk to her, weather it's between classes, just after lunch walking into class, anything.

    SMILE & AND MAKE HER LAUGH :D

    Keep me updated on your progress
     
  12. WalkingForward

    WalkingForward Fapstronaut

    Great man! The anxiety will most likely be there, that's fine. You can still go and ask her out. Anxiety is a biological reaction to make us alert and prepared.
     
  13. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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    I´m going to give you some of the best advices if not the best of your life. I think about how much time I am spending now on this text already but heck, if someone did this for when I was your age I would be eternally grateful (no joke).

    So my dear friend.

    Wanting to have a girlfriend most likely will not land you a girlfriend - at least not the one you really want. don´t get me wrong, heck there is even the tiny chance I could be wrong. But most girls nowadays either want a badboy or a prince charming or just a rich,famous and or hot dude (thank you disney and hollywood lol) There are of course girls who still value things like being nice and having a good personality - BUT these girls become more rare as we speak. What I want to say is girls, especially in your age emphasize on a guy that has "social value", meaning he is perceived as cool, intelligent, famous, hot whatever by his peers. Chances are, if you are unkown or "normal" you will be rejected - especially if you don´t talk to her much. It´s pretty simple - we all think of ourselves as special, that´s why our boyfriend or girlfriend also has to be someone special. If others think you are cool or smart or anything you associate with good things, then that brings you a step more near "special"

    And now to the real advices:

    NEVER try to impress a girl, either they are impressed by you or not, you just don´t try if you don´t want to be a loser. There is no turnoff like trying too hard.

    Don´t be a "Nice guy" - treat a girl with as much respect and politeness as she does.

    Another important thing off the start: a girl is in general very intuitive and will discern how you feel - If you feel akward she will feel it and she will also feel akward if you feel comfortable and confident, then she will also feel confident around you.

    Embrace the madness - meaning just be ridiculously confident, even if death smiles in your face, keep calm, smile back and own it. You don´t need the rationalize
    your confidence - you just take it.

    Another important thing is, what others know as "owning your frame" - this is really important!
    We all live in a connected world but EVERYBODY perceives the world through his own reality - for an artist he may very well see the world in an artistic light, an enterpreneur will see it with a business view, someone in love will view it with an "the world is so awesome" view.

    The IMPORTANT thing is, when two different people meet, then no matter what, their frames, realities clash together. Either you are drawn into the other persons frame or the other person is drawn into your reality.
    Holding your frame, owning your reality - is the UTMOST important thing. It gives you power over - i would guess good 85% of the population.

    How do you hold you frame?
    1. Be ridiculously confident.
    2. Know your weaknesses and acknowlege them but never feel guilty for them, except you are too lazy to change them - for example not working out.
    3. Get up your beliefs and hold on to your beliefs, even in the eye of death.
    4. Stay calm, play calm, keep calm - especially in negative, dangerous, embarassing situation.

    A situation is only as embarassing as you allow it to be!
    OWN YOU REALITY
    ___
    I remember when I was your age I insulted several of my classmates I didn´t like because they bullied other, more weak-willed people. I went to a very strict and religious school, by the way.

    I called one a nazi, saying I wouldn´t mind him burning in Auschwitz
    another one a communist
    and the third one just plain ugly

    all three were guys, fairly confident people
    Now, the were hurt by my comments and went to our teacher - religion teacher by the way. And told the her, the teacher, in front of the whole class what I had called them.

    But I held my frame,I did feel neither guilty nor embarassed - my teacher said: oh, what a pity he called you that. The matter was forgotten in 2 minutes.
    Sometimes, you mustn´t take young girls (your age) serious.

    Women in general- there are a few exceptions -, perceive reality through their feelings, (no I am not a misogynist by the way) . Meaning, that if you have an argument with a girl and she feels she is right you can have the best arguments in the world, chances are you will not convince her. If a girl wants to argue with you, just don´t, try to deal with it with humor and or try to change her mood.

    If you want a girl to love/like you then you need to get her to respect you.
    This means don´t go for a girl´s sympathy. Either she has sympathy for you or not.
    Even if you have to do something, or do something a girl doesn´t like (For example she tells you to get her a drink from the vending machine in an overbearing tone - you just say NO) as long as she respects you for it, everything is fine. Never surrender your worth of self or your respect a girl or anyone else!
    If you conciously want to get her sympathy, chances are she will not respect you.
    It doesn´t really matter what you say to her but HOW you say it. Try to talk with a full, lower and slower tone in general.
    Starting today you will start looking people in the eye until they look away, no excuses. I know it is hard, but you need to do it. If you sit in your classroom, look at this cute girl - at the moment she looks back you slowly remove your gaze and look at the other people in your class - the point is - you move your eyes and head slowly - not like you are catched - but like you registered her and moved on - if she smiles at you, smile back, if she doesn´t - then don´t, except maybe for a very little one.

    You have to get one thing - A girl doesn´t make you necessarily happy, you have to lead a happy, successful life in order to attract your dreamgirl(s).

    The thing about respect: You can´t really decide if others respect you or not but everything starts with respecting yourself. Respecting yourself means NO PMO - your mind, time, body and energy are worth too much to waste it on such a thing. Respecting yourself means standing up for yourself and your needs. Respecting yourself means eating healthy and working out regularly, respecting yourself means praising yourself for good stuff and forgiving yourself for wrongdoings. Respecting yourself means to not take back what you say and calmly stand up for what you say.
    And also means to NOT GOSSIP, NOT BLURT out unnecessary stuff (like: I am addicted to porn, for example - i know - a no brainer)

    Also NEVER make a girl more than one compliment. If she is pretty, believe me, then she knows it. NEVER make a pretty girl a compliment for being pretty. You make either a compliment that makes her unique: for example: you have a really exotic hairstyle, it makes you stand out in a good way (i thought that up right now, is not the best ever) or you make a compliment about what she does or her personality (her intelligence for example : I don´t like to admit it but you are kind of smart [said - in a playful way].

    One of the most important issues: If you worry about whether others like you , ironically no one will really like you - why you ask, simple.

    If you worry about others feelings (about you) and views/opinions about you then you will cater to their needs and feelings - and then they will not respect you, because you would be a people pleaser, and no one respects a people pleaser. And people pleasers are not well liked, they just get a kind of pity-sympathy, like you would have sympathy with a loser.

    Other´s opinions matter, but if it´s about you, they don´t matter at all!
    Either they like you - cool, or they don´t also cool. The stronger the foe the better the man. Having enemies and haters, people that don´t like you- is a legit thing. If you have haters others know you are real and stand up for yourself - they will respect that and not treat you lightly.

    Also once more back to respect: Respecting yourself means respecting your time, energy, needs and feelings, please no one, don´t expect thanks in return for your help and really - don´t help if you don´t want to , it´s not an obligation. If you say YES when you really mean no it means indirectly someone else´s time and feeling are more important than yours. Let people SEE that your time and energy are important. Never treat yourself lightly and others also won´t.

    I will stop for now, because I don´t even know if what I write makes sense to you. if it does good, if it doesn´t also good for you. You can come back to me if you have questions and if you want to learn more, feel free to ask - though I will not promise I will be online each and every day.

    Don´t hate me for typos I am just too lazy to correct them all and english is not my first language.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2016
  14. Thanks for all the advice!

    Most people in my class think I'm intelligent so I guess that's good.
     
  15. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

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    Honestly though just go out there. In high school its best just to find a girl and go after her. I believe you have it in you to get her but realize everyday you don't it will be harder. My guess from what I've read is she likes you so honestly just go out there give it you best shot and you'll learn.

    I remember in 6th grade there was a school dance and I took forever to ask her to dance finally I just walked up and asked and she said yes but sometimes its better to just act and not worry so much about this or that. I think you should just believe in yourself go for it go get what you want and if you fail try again thats all life is. I would almost argue attempting to get this girl is as much a life challenge as anything else. The point of quitting pmo is to make the lives of yourself and those around you better. So going after her is a step in the right direction

    Best of luck man all of our good luck is with you.
     
  16. The problem is, how do I ask her when she's around her friends 24/7? Should I just ask her even though her friends are there (it's tougher to do) or should I try to find a time when she's alone? Personally I'd like to speak with her alone because it feels awkward to ask her when her friends can hear me asking her out.
     
  17. Finalfight123

    Finalfight123 Fapstronaut

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    Hmm alright first off don't overthink it just do it. Second if you really want her alone, its high school don't sweat it but just ask her if you can talk to her alone. Or find her when she's alone but just do it, honestly the timing will never be perfect it will never have the best environment but once its decent just go for it.

    If you above all have to isolate her try then but otherwise do it sooner than later and if she's not interested go after someone else and she may later on reciprocate those feelings. Just remember though that you know more about the situation and just have a better idea all our advice is second hand at best there are more variables in play then we realize so at the same time go with your gut and what feels like might be the best option.
     
  18. RealLifeGamer

    RealLifeGamer Fapstronaut

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    Never talk about serious things, like asking out when there are others - she would instantly reject you - even if she liked you - just because her friends are there.

    If she is next to her friends when you want to ask her out, just say: Hey do you have a minute I want to talk to about something (under 4 eyes)
     
  19. cud

    cud Fapstronaut

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    Man this is awesome!

    Yes we need to men first and foremost! We need to unleash that masculine principle - and I mean it in a good way. Robert Bly in Iron Man calls it "natural brutality". Forget all those pseudomen you see on TV and be your own version of the man you want.

    Good luck with that my brother!
     
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  20. I texted the girl that I wanted to say something important to her after school at the library. She asked "why" and I said "I'll tell you tomorrow." Then she didn't respond for 6 hours so I tried to be a little funny so I said "Are you dead or what?". She said "No haha". So I asked again "So, are you coming to the library tomorrow?". She said "No why." Then I got angry and said "Don't come then."

    So yeah I'm not gonna date her because she's a pure b*tch.
     

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