NEW HERE...A BRAVE NEW WORLD

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Lee Lee, Nov 23, 2017.

  1. Lee Lee

    Lee Lee Fapstronaut

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    Hi all

    My name is Lee, I'm from England and have been a sex/porn addict for around 8 years. I thought I'd share a few struggles and join here to share, open up and take some advice as I continue the path towards recovery.

    Over the years, my addiction has steadily progressed. It started as a seed and slowly got bigger, more powerful and more destructive as time went on. I believe it all began as a way to fill a void in my life...I used porn as an escape from my reality and it became something to call my own. A secret life and something I could have control of. I only recognised and accepted this as a problem a few years, when my (now) wife became exhausted with the person I had become.

    In these past two years I made several half-hearted attempts to leave it all behind, but I'm not sure it was something I was ready to do. It became such a habit, that stopping would mean losing a big part of me. It scared me and made me feel weak. I managed to separate my reality with my secret life which inevitably overlapped, causing mood swings, tiredness, depression, anxiety...taking over my entire life and acting without a thought for consequences. On top of this comes the guilt, low self esteem and a hate for myself for causing so much pain to myself and those around me. No longer am I able to separate my life.. I have lost control.

    Somehow, my wife has stuck by me. This has led to where I am now. The progression from chat rooms, to porn sites, to paid sex chats, to fake identities took a new turn and I shared some intimacy with another girl. My wife moved out temporarily, taking our child and the future looked horrible...but

    SOMETHING CLICKED INSIDE

    I now have a genuine awakening to what's important in my life...and have spent the past month taking steps in the right direction. Indivdual counselling, relationship counselling, distractions and a focus on my family and positive things... my family have returned and it's now all on me to somehow regain years of broken trust and internal damage.

    There is a long way to go and I have the energy and motivation to overcome this once and for all...but I need support! I have been here times before and I know it can take a downward turn very quickly.

    I hope this very brief, description of my life resonates with some of you. I have a lot to share and a lot of support to give. Feel free to get in touch.

    Stay strong everyone

    Lee
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2017
    Ginee and J. Fylz like this.
  2. J. Fylz

    J. Fylz Fapstronaut

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    Hello friend! So glad you are here. Sorry it took so long and that the Path was so difficult...but you are here and you are supported! You have finally realized that you need help and that you need to do this to be a better husband, and to be a happier person. We are here to help! Proud of you for reaching this point and getting motivated to change!!
     
  3. We are all here to encourage you on your journey. You have a wonderful wife and she is blessed to have a man that will at least make some effort to improve things. The invisible battles we all face in this life are far more difficult than any material war or conflict. Even though I am Christian.. a quote from Plato comes to mind here... "The first and greatest victory is to conquer yourself; to be conquered by yourself is of all things most shameful and vile.” May God bless and keep you in Jesus name. Amen.
     
  4. BTW... I twice lived in the UK (for studies). So cheers from across the pond.
     
  5. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
  6. Lee Lee

    Lee Lee Fapstronaut

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    Hey. Thanks all for your welcoming words.

    At the moment, my main strategy is to constantly remind myself of what and who is important in my life. My focus is on providing love and respect to my wife and child..and the only way to do this is to start loving and respecting myself.

    From a more practical perspective, I am making sure I have a balance with the things I enjoy doing. Spending the right amount of time with the family and the right amount of time on my own hobbies and interests. I find that this keeps my emotions and moods stable. On top of this, I am ensuring that I plan the day ahead....which keeps me active, focused and prepared. It’s the gaps in between that cause me to act out or lose control..the periods of boredom, restlessness and unhappiness..my advice would be to minimize these periods.

    I’ve also returned to using a basic non smart phone with no internet. I am no longer surrounded or distracted by social media and brain damaging material...I’ve simply had enough of it and it makes things harder and more tempting. Use the internet when your partner is with you and return to the real world.

    Hope this helps
    Would love to hear everyone’s own coping mechanisms!

    Lee
     
  7. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

  8. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    How are you today?
     
  9. Lee Lee

    Lee Lee Fapstronaut

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    Hey DJ

    Feeling pretty good today.. had a good sharing experience with some one to one counselling and opened up about a few things again. Always good! Feeling strong and future driven. How about yourself?? Thanks for asking!
     
  10. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Been feeling down but better today.
     
  11. Dunrobin

    Dunrobin Fapstronaut

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    Inspirational stuff Lee thanks for sharing. Spurred me on to join up. I hope all is well with you
     
    Lee Lee likes this.
  12. Lee Lee

    Lee Lee Fapstronaut

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    just checking in... glad it helped. It's tough at the start.. and still now at times. Although I don't feel much focus on the subject of porn or masturbation, I still feel the tired moments, the lack of energy, the odd mood swing. It's a reminder that there is still work to do and I believe these are withdrawl symptoms. Not always of course, sometimes it's just because my baby wakes up at 3.30am :)
    Keep me posted, keep going!
    Lee
     
    D . J . likes this.

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