No Speaka the Girlese

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by muterabbit, Feb 27, 2018.

  1. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

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    I’m currently in the process of studying a couple of books about how to pick up women and how to talk to them over text and phone. While I’ve been gaining quite a lot of insight, I’ve also felt like my brain has been turned into a pretzel.

    So...even though I’m interested in a woman, I have to sort of pretend like I’m not interested, because apparently women like to be challenged. Yeah, a challenge, even though they’re pretty content to let us do all the leg work. Humor is generally used to attract them, but if it isn’t done right, you either wind up with a friend instead of a lover, or you wind up with an angry woman. Oh yes, and although they supposedly want a challenge, they have all these secret tests that weed out guys who don’t have enough confidence to pass them. One of the books says to just push forward no matter how much grief she gives you, holding fast to the belief that she really is attracted to you, even if there are no clear signals.

    I’m trying to understand all this and gather up the courage to put myself out there, but it’s really no surprise to me now why ladies have seemed so mysterious and complicated to me all these years. Attracting them just seems so non-intuitive and ass-backwards.

    Thoughts?
     
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  2. RationalBrody

    RationalBrody Fapstronaut

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    It's not that hard really, once you grasp the principles of female-male attraction.

    Women are attracted to:
    • dominance
    • masculinity
    • power (there are multiple forms of power)
    • a man who has options (other females competing from him, aka preselection), is emotionally stable, has a strong sense of reality, has well-defined life principles
    Women are emotional creatures, men are rational creatures. Don't take what she says word by word, listen to her actions.
    Learn about frame, about shit tests.
     
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  3. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    All true and all a lie, if you take all those apparent losers out there with girlfriends who don't know a thing about game. When you realise that it will blow your mind.

    Once you're happy within yourself you probably won't need any tactics, just keep on working on yourself, health and fitness, socialize as much as possible. You're just figuring this out might as well enjoy it.
     
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  4. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    Nice summary: brief but straight to the point. I like it.
     
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  5. RationalBrody

    RationalBrody Fapstronaut

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    Game is not about tactics and routines anymore. That's the old style of Game. The new way is the so-called 'Natural Game', in which your authenticity shines through.

    There are guys who are naturally good with women (natural Casanova's), they didn't had to learn Game / seduction, but that's a small percentage. And for the 'losers' with girlfriends, yeah, good point, they're the majority of guys. But I'd say that a lot of them are settling/coping.
    And there's the rest of us, who chosed the path of learning pickup / seduction. This is a path that ultimately leads to having women of higher quality in your life than you've had if you hadn't chosen this path. So don't blame us.

    You can absolutely expand & transform your personality by doing Game. Your charisma, your seduction skills. Nothing wrong with working on bettering yourself.
     
  6. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Cough cough do you realise the phrase 'natural game' is an oxymoron.

    BTW I agree with you about the reasons why guys learn game.
     
  7. Jen@8675309

    [email protected] Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Throw away your books on how to pick up women. If you really want to succeed, treat them as you'd treat anyone. Don't put them up on a pedestal and don't treat them as if they're all the same and that there's some ultimate secret on how to score. Women are individuals with their own wants, desires, likes and dislikes.
     
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  8. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Where it goes wrong is when you believe someone is above you, you're below them, and you need something more than your honest self expression to close that gap. When you can't accept the fact that not everyone is going to resonate with you. So you search for methods to guarantee a desired specific outcome. Rather than just meeting others halfway by doing your best and giving others the freedom to choose whether they want to be a part of your life or not.
     
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    My definition of game is when you realize that you don't have to play games.

    When you realize that there's no above or below. Everyone is on the same level.
     
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  10. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    I'm not surprised a woman says to throw away books on how to pickup women. They don't like that guys make a game plan to be successful in picking up women. As one who has read a couple of these books, I can tell you that THEY WORK! They help you build your confidence, which goes a LONG way.
     
  11. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

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    They’re ebooks, and they didn’t come cheap. Thing is, as I’ve been reading them, I’ve thought “Yeah, I’ve been there” and “Damn, I made all those mistakes”. I’m basically coming from a place of just about complete ignorance. Somehow I attracted my co-worker and she approached me, but I have no idea why she liked me. I’m generally quiet and insecure, and it’s the insecurity that eventually drove her away. I’ve not only been reading those two books, I’ve been taking in as much information as I can from Google and YouTube, so that I’m not completely clueless next time. I will say what I’ve noticed come up again and again is confidence and humor. I’m currently in short supply of both.

    Honest self-expression only works if you have the confidence and social awareness to make it happen. See I’m coming from a guarded place of fear and insecurity that’s largely due to ignorance about various social situations, but if I can increase my confidence, partly by having a better idea of what’s going on in the dating process, then I can begin to honestly express myself. I’m not looking to manipulate anyone, just looking to be aware of what’s happening so that I have a better chance of connecting with them. It’s like if you want a conversation to thrive, you have to listen and ask open-ended questions.

    Yeah, they have given me some confidence. Not enough to actually flirt with strangers, but I’m looking for all sorts of ways to boost my confidence now.
     
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  12. Jen@8675309

    [email protected] Distinguished Fapstronaut

    You're completely missing my point. I'm saying books like these reduce women down to prizes to be won, insinuate that certain 'tricks' and 'techniques' will work and assume that all women are basically the same.
     
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  13. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    You can acquire most information free online, I would never shell out for that. PM if you need some links.
     
  14. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    While it is important to not come on too strong or seem too desperate or available, women are people too and the best approach is to just be yourself and take risks and either she will like you or she won't.
     
  15. What a PUA bullshit lol ;)
     
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  16. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Here's a frame for you. Be yourself. Your power comes from being sure of your desires, values, and beliefs. Your masculinity comes from placing more value on who you are rather than seeking external validation. Your power comes from being able to accept that not everyone will resonate with who you are. Your options comes from allowing other opportunities to come into your life rather than trying to force and dwell on specific outcomes.

    I've met rational women and emotional men. Everyone's different.

    Shit tests happen when you're willing to play along with other people playing immature games. You pass them by not reacting to them because you don't have time for childish nonsense.

    Higher quality women are secure and mature. They know when they're being played with.

    What a lot of pickup artists teach is how to act or become a person that you think someone else would like you for. So you start off as a person that seeks approval from others to becoming a person that is obsessed with getting approval from others under the disguise of not wanting approval from others lol.

    Like I said... when you think someone is above you and you try to close that gap with something more than your honest self expression... that's when it's manipulation and acting out of fear.

    The answer is be yourself..... but nah that's too simplistic of an answer... there's got to be a more elaborate answer right?

    It's simplistic, but not easy to do. It's difficult and uncertain. So people turn to other things to try and guarantee an outcome.
     
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  17. muterabbit

    muterabbit Fapstronaut

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    Being myself means being a shy, quiet, scared, generally miserable guy. Only recently have I started to practice basic conversational skills like listening and asking open-ended questions. Before that, I was largely passive, in my head trying to think of interesting things to say, and asked far too many “yes” or “no” questions. I didn’t really know what I was doing when I was being myself. Only recently am I beginning to let go and not care what others think, and only recently am I realizing that I probably take myself too seriously/prize perfection over authenticity.

    Some of what I’m saying basically boils down to “be yourself”, but before my ex dumped me, I wasn’t actively thinking of what might be attractive or unattractive about me. The barriers to being myself were unfortunately part of being myself. I hope that makes sense.
     
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  18. I agree with all but the bolded statement. This generalization is some dumbassery, but aside from that I think you got it on point.

    It's kind of contrary, you have to emanate self security, confidence, and mutual respect to be attractive. This separates true men from people trying to act masculine, and beta pansies.
     
  19. RationalBrody

    RationalBrody Fapstronaut

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    These are wise words. That is being a man is all about and we should aspire to.
    But saying that to a newbie does not help him much. Direct reference experiences do.
    It's like advising to a newbie: "It does not matter what you say to the girl, it's the vibe you have in the interaction".. Pretty much useless advice that he won't be able to comprehend, cause he is stuck in low-level paradigms, and the advice you're giving him is of much higher-level paradign.
    Eventually though, he'll reach a point where he'll truly internalize and grasp what you were trying to say to him. But it's gonna take him a while.

    Most guys who learn Game are not at that level, but they can evolve to reach that mindset. It takes a lot of experiences (both negative & positive). When you are in scarcity in women, you are caught on your need for external validation, that you can't see past it. You have no defined values & life principles. You have what's called 'a weak sense of reality', meaning you have a weak frame, your worldview is malleable by the influence others have on you.
    There's a quote that comes to mind which I like and it's applicable here.

    “You cannot allow the actions of others to define your reality.” -Steven Pressfield
     
  20. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    I agree with this somewhat because I think most guys who get into pickup fall into this category. They are not trying to dehumanise the opposite sex or get limitless sex from multiple girls. At its core they are just trying to better themselves to be in a position to connect with one soul and have a lasting relationship.

    The thing is, I genuinely believe when guys say they are naturally quiet, shy and scared are lying to themselves. Sure they can be naturally shy but there is a difference between the guy who is naturally introspective and likes reading but OWNS it - and the guy who is naturally introspective and likes reading but hides it.

    When you OWN who you are, including your insecurities you become the person you want to be, and this is what attracts women.
    I always used to think I had make myself into an extrovert and to some extent this is true, you can't just passively wait for things to happen.

    But you can play to your strengths, be the strong silent type but totally own that and still attract the right girl into your life.
     
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