Obsessed with anal, not aroused by vagina

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by racc00n, Oct 25, 2018.

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  1. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys,

    Ever since i remember my sexual activity i find my self being psychotically obsessed with anal sex. I've been watching A LOT of anal-focused porn since i was 18. I'm 30 now. Almost every time i entered the vagina, especially with a condom i went semi-soft and then totally lost my erection after a very short while (1 or 2 minutes).
    One time, i shared my obsession with a woman ( who was a lesbian ), and she told me: if you like anal sex, you are gay. Never mind, lesbians hate men in general and they do their best to humiliate them.

    NOTE:

    I am straight, i was never attracted to the male body and i have had a few successful vaginal encounters after long abstinence from porn and masturbation. I was PM-free for at least a week and then got together with a girl, and i was fine even with a condom (i hate condoms, they cut the sensation).

    As for the origin of my obsession, 2 scenarios have crossed my mind.

    1. My first sexual encounter was with a hooker when i was 16. No emotion, condom during blowjob, pressure to finish, and TOO fuckin LOOSE vagina. I could only feel the plastic crap called condom.
    Question: could this experience have been traumatic enough to form wrong beliefs about the vagina ?

    2. Second sexual encounter with a real girlfriend in late high school, when i was 17. I spontaneously wanted to finger her ass more than her pussy and i only fucked her once, only in the ass. Maybe it came from the excitement i was feeling during my fantasies about anal, when i masturbated.
    Question: is it likely that my chronic porn addiction and extreme fantasies about anal, have made me so obsessed?

    I can't think of anything else. If you guys have any opinion or assumption on the topic, i would appreciate your help.
    Thanks in advance
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2018
  2. KennyCZ

    KennyCZ Fapstronaut

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    I had similar problem, stop with PMO and this will cure your problem, try to stay 1 month without sex.
     
  3. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    alright , i can stay sexless and no pmo for a month, but only if i stop ALL sexual thoughts .I must not even look at the nice legs of a woman in the street.
    difficult task though
     
    Rambling Man likes this.
  4. KennyCZ

    KennyCZ Fapstronaut

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    You cant do anything about that it will vanish on its own. You will replace your negative thoughts with other thoughts
     
    Rambling Man and Deleted Account like this.
  5. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    So there is salvation. I have reached a point where i believe i wont be able to have a healthy sex life like everyone else. Which day is usually the starting day of the nofap benefits? I mean reduced social anxiety, better body language and a slight ease to talk to women. My streak begins tomorrow. No bullshit. In my case PMO has played a role in my sexual dysfunctions and approach anxiety. The anal obsession also, is a result of escalated porn addiction as you all say. I don't seem to have a choice besides nofap. I just have to deal with withdrawal like anxiety and depression ( but its not sure that these will happen, i might have a smooth streak without much madness )
     
  6. Spartan91

    Spartan91 Fapstronaut

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    You aren't gay, you just have a fetish. Perhaps abstaining from all porn will help.
     
    overclocked likes this.
  7. VeganRights

    VeganRights Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing. just my 2 cts is, I believe these kind of thing are like a psycho sexual distortion...
    What i mean is that the cause of such fetishes, is not to be found in the topic of sexuality it self, but may be because of issues in other areas in life. Ofc im not sure about this, it's just an idea that i have.
    For example, if a man has a tendency for porn where the woman is being dominated very much, the one craving this kind of porn, might be the result of having too little control in real life, that the insecurity or weakness in real life is then 'compensated' in the sexual aspect.
    So my best choice would be to find the imbalances in life, and when these things are more balanced, i would expect sexuality to also normalize again. And of course abstaining from pmo, to regain sensitivity, getting clean & healthy again :). All the best man
     
    Spartan91 likes this.
  8. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    Today the challenge begins, i haven't watched porn in 3 days and i feel like i need much more thought to get it up. Also, i can't fap effectively if i stand on my knees (kneeling). So how am i supposed to do it doggy with a real partner? Strange or trivial detail, i know, but i just have my phobias. It's a vicious circle and i will break it. Are ALL sexual thoughts forbidden during the reboot? Not even imagine kissing? Not even think about hitting a girl i like ?
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2018
  9. Spartan91

    Spartan91 Fapstronaut

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    I'm wondering if you're a virgin? I don't think you'll struggle doggy style even if you struggle to fap kneeling.
     
  10. I am a girl in my mid 20s. it is humiliating to even write about this, but since i started having a. s. i had more stimuli and get excited about that. in my v. it was more difficult to get o. and when i would get stimulated by a guy in my v. i wouldn't feel anything( got o. s. by guys and i never felt anything there). now i am very worried to have s. above all i am afraid i might re-have a. s.

    in the past i had s there instead of waiting to re-start taking contraceptive pills to avoid getting pregnant. i started doing that from my 3rd guy coz he asked that and then mostly i had that even after him

    you are not gay. lesbians know nothing about men. i am sure watching p influenced our s. tastes deeply. so your last s. went fine being done v.? exes treated me bad because of having done that. i feel it destroyed my chances with some exes. i wish i never started that. i think we need someone we can trust and talk about this to them. to not be afraid to ask help. what i can tell you is being successful helps and is the only way we can be happy and proud of ourselves
     
  11. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    Spartan91, i am not virgin. I am just TOO insecure at the moment because of the long sexless time. green lion eating the sun, yes my last vaginal encounter was successful and pleasurable, but i was nofap for at least a week before i get together with her. Have you had any traumatic vaginal experiences? If yes, it may have played a role
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2018
  12. Bashi

    Bashi Fapstronaut

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    I'm almost certain this is due to porn, not based on your sexual orientation. Think of it this way: porn makes the viewer think, that sex is about doing a certain act that men like - and never putting in question what the woman wants in that situation. Hence we think "we want anal sex" and demand for women to provide it. Of course it might be arousing, kind of "exciting" etc but let's not forget what caused the obsession in the first place. Work on NoFap to clear your head and rewire your brain.
     
  13. racc00n

    racc00n Fapstronaut

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    Second day PMO-FREE. No idea why the counter shows 0 days. No morning wood this morning, and im kinda worried. Let's hope it wont be like that forever. I am a bit tense and time flows slower. I can focus on my work more now ! I am very afraid of flatline and E.D
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2018
  14. Mandarim

    Mandarim Fapstronaut

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    Wait for it... benefits from NO PMO will come soon... keep a steady mind and focus on the greater benefits!
    Good luck mate!
     
  15. samnf1990

    samnf1990 Fapstronaut

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    Is it likely? It is certain. Porn use and your escalation lef to the obsession. A porn-addled mind is also a strong contender as the cause of your flippant misogyny and homophobia directed towards lesbians. Porn conditions you to only see value in sexual behaviour and meeting your sexual needs. A lesbian will never do that for you, hence your damaging attitude towards them.

    Porn conditions you to seek out fetishes that only it can meet. It is in the interest of those producing porn and profiting from it that you stay hooked. There is npthing objectively superior about anal sex, and in fact some of the realities make it awkward and impractical. You crave it because it is a taboo escalation of the porn you started watching.

    Leave the porn behind, and you will see the obsession lessen, then leave. Your death grip from constant pmo will no longer desensitise your poor cock and over time it will become more sensitive and able to enjoy the lighter touch of oral and vaginal stimulation.

    You know it is not ideal to be obsessed with anal sex. You know that the obsession was developed while exploring and using P.

    If you want a relationship/relationships with a woman/women, then you will have much more success having your own needs met if you invest in meeting their needs. Something that no woman wants is a sex life consisting of exclusively anal sex for your benefit.
     
  16. well, i remember 2nd time i had s. with the guy i lost my virginity (it took him 3 times with me at making me lose my virginity). we were having v. s. and then he stopped saying i was losing blood and he got away from me disgusted and told me to wash myself like her ex did. to go like her in the bathroom. i removed the blood from me, i was about to cry. he was 10 years older than me. that was very sad for me. but s. had been very traumatic for me in general not just v. s. i started watching p years before that happened. i am sure p ruined and twisted the tastes that are right for my body and mind

    i can only do it with a guy that i am sure loves me truly and appreciate my personality now. I don't wanna do it anymore with someone i have feelings for me but that doesn't feel the same for me. my libido has dropped a lot since i re.started efficiently my reboot but also i am respecting myself. giving s. is not a way to be loved. prefer having a guy dumping me coz i don't wanna have s then having s. hoping to win him when that just destroys the chance i might had with the guy before
     
  17. sorry but thats pretty funny to read xd
     
  18. Anything like this that worries you will work itself out after you have given yourself time to heal. What you find is, and will be clear.
     
  19. LEPAGE

    LEPAGE Fapstronaut

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    P has ruined our brains, I am sure.
     

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