P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

You're right on some point. I also suffer from mental illnesses like bipolar disorder. I was and am also under influence of a drug and have been in the past) and working from home makes me an insane person. I apologize for the rough shit I was spewing at the suffering people. I have used some basic neurochemistry to explain PAWS. You have no idea what else I know about the brain and endocrine system. It is and always will be my passion. You guys tend to use a different approach. I also see some untrue statements so don't tell me a am just some basic addiction science quack. Anyway, I am in a dark place in isolation and what I experienced turned me onto a Joker kind of guy. The trolling was fun and interesting for me, to learn from people's reactions. I'm here to apologize, but I'm sorry I still have some skepticism, about the PAWS phenomenon. I still consider myself an evil sociopath with problems. I hope @MaskEd-Debator reacts civil if he unblocks me. Hypofronality and low dopamine receptors remain to be researched. The newest research says no.

 

You probably blocked me. But this simply is not true and plain bullshit. It may sound smart the way you put, but it's mostly seen in primates in studies. It probably works for the human endocrine system, I give you that.

A lot of guys had our blood-work checked and T levels came back normal. I always monetized my T and other hormone levels and it all came
back fine. I still felt unmotivated and like shit. It's he overstimulated reward system that got most of us here.

 

The internet can be a scary place. Sucks that we have to rely on it for this forum. It also sucks that the symptoms kind of force me to spend a lot of time on it because my anhedonia often prevents me from enjoying the actual moment at hand.

I'm still suffering from harsh symptoms on a daily basis, but I feel a little more optimistic today. I had MW that stayed with me after I stood up (for 30 seconds only, but still).

It'll probably go away, but I've been in a 2 week phase where I've been getting MW about 50-70 percent of the time.

So tough to get a beat on these withdrawals. Right when you think you're at a point where you can predict what's going to happen next they throw a curveball at you. You just gotta take it day by day I guess. Those alcoholics got it right.

I'd like to believe that I'm more than halfway through (16 months), which is a reason to be optimistic in and of itself.

List of symptoms I still endure regularly:

-fucked up sleep
-weird, sometimes intense head pains in different regions of my cranium at different points in time
-pretty bad anhedonia
-depression (different from anhedonia--it's like a darkness that comes over me)
-fight or flight, and, as a result, anxiety
-pretty fucking stupid still
-memory loss (though that, out of all the symptoms, has improved the most, especially recently)
-see the world through a distorted lens, can't fully experience my surroundings
-appetite is weird--sometimes I don't crave food at all, other times I only crave sugar, or McDonalds
-digestion is fucked up, goes from constipation to diahrrea
-hard to look people in the eyes
-don't want to be around people
-chaotic dreams
-sometimes get a feeling like my whole brain is on fire
-shriveled dick and balls most days
-sense of smell is weak
-pain in my lymph nodes sometimes, probs due to hormonal fluctuations that I don't understand
-a lot of anger. I'm angry so much these days.

Keep in mind that these symptoms aren't always present at all times. They occur in waves, interspersed with periods of feeling decent, sometimes even close to happy.

A part of me sometimes thinks that I experience all of these intense, negative emotions because they were stuck inside my soul due to my using pornography to block out my ability to experience them. Sounds wonky, but it helps me explain why I would experience this much pain for so long. Like, maybe they needed to come out in order for me to move on with my life, and that what I'm doing right now is like a juice cleanse where my body (soul) is releasing all of these awful toxins. This would explain the fractured, intense, chaotic nature of my dream world. It's like my brain is going through all of these old files and finally processing them as it should have years ago.

My brain is separated into two quadrants when it comes to these withdrawals: the stuff I talked about in the above paragraph, and the practical, scientific approach that only deals with brain and central nervous system explanations. But that's the dichotomy that all humans grapple with. Are we merely a result of a big bang, or is there something more going on? I'll never know the answer.

What I do know is that I'm ready for this shit to be over. I'm ready for my debts (a nifty Der Jogge metaphor) to be paid.

Good luck to everyone!

 

How often do you get the waves and how long do they last? I am currently around 70 days and feeling really messed up. Currently having weird numbness and tingling with major anxiety that comes out of nowhere. Super tensed and feel like I am in a different dimension than everyone and everything else. Sleep has definitely been incomplete like waking up randomly and not getting deep sleep.

 

I dunno bro, I don't think anyone here had to take steroids to go the barbershop...

 

ANd yeah I used drugs to cope with some negative things in my life. Mother trying committing suicide multiple times with blood on my hands. Friends that died horribly. That made me weak for a while. I am fine now and if you dare to respond like a keyboard warrior, just give me a call and talk to a fucking evil egomaniac sociopath lol.

 

Anyways, I will be going off this thread for a while, haven't seen too many differences in my state, the only things that are really annoying me are my memory problems and executive function, otherwise I'm not that bad and Im actually capable of doing the things I want to in my life, it's just irritating to read a book and to forget the last sentence, I remember there was a point I forgot my debit card pin during a transaction in a shop, when I NEVER forget about it at all, it seems the PMO demon in my brain is capable of erasing memories for a short duration, when they say porn is the devil they aren't wrong.

I'll be back within a month or so.

 

I did not take steroids then, and no steroids now. Yeah I was a weak pussy with anxiety like all of you. But I came out fine and stronger than before. I know how PAWS feels, but you have to use your inner warrior to fight it and then its gone. I believe whysolong. It's all in your head. I used to be that pussy, but once you know how to handle it and know it's moslty psychosomatic you're fine. You should try it. I'm gone now. Good luck with your suffering. Just listen to whysolong and @Don Quixote and you're back to normal and lose the beta PAWS or psychosomatic shit.

 

You probably are whysolong as your 8th account here, I fight it everyday, have been so for a long time, and it's getting weaker, I think Id be in a better position than you for sure, Im capable of going for my dreams, can you say the same? I understand that it is in our heads, wallowing in it makes it worse, but to deny it's existence is a pure cope, I mean why else would you still be here?

 

Hey smallson, I actually have a well paying job without cognitive issues. Why would you PAWS sufferer be in a better position than me functioning normal. Yeah I love to take some drugs now and then with friends or when I need to chill after work. There is no logic in your post.

 

Whysolong was right all along. I suggest you take his advice. I'm out.

 

Because I'm not a drug addicted mentally ill degenerate who projects his insecurities onto strangers on an internet forum, I actually am working despite this and can go through with life, guarantee within a year and half I will be back to normal while you'll be still here on your 150th account trying to fight with an old man for a reason that you don't even know, haven't seen anyone at 32 years old act soo pathetic, this is teenage behavior that I used to see years ago on youtube comment sections, Absolute cringe, you shouldn't be allowed to be on the internet. If it weren't for the pandemic you'd be locked within a cell drawing paintings out of your own faeces onto the wall lmao, I'll be gone and when Im back I bet you'll still here doing the same thing as you are now.

Adios boys, I'll report back soon.

 

Okay LOLOL. That's why you're wasting time shitposting online, right? Shouldn't you be out living the Chad lifestyle?

It seems to me like you're actually projecting a lot of your own insecurities. You could be using this time to improve yourself instead of trying to drag everybody else down to boost your self-esteem, but you don't have that kind of initiative; you're just a big nothing, and that's all you'll ever be. You know this deep down; that's why you're so toxic and project all your own faults onto other people.

 

Ah come on not this shit again. It's becoming such a baseless cliché. Can't you come up with something else? I'm sitting the sun on my balcony. And it's sunday. And I can't work today. I did my workout yesterday, and today I need rest. I can't be reading self help books and books about pharmodynamics/neurobiology all the time to "improve" myself. What are you doing to improve yourself smartass. I already admitted and told most of my fucking life story and my disdain for people because I'm a sociopath. I enjoy getting reactions like yours. I am going to try ayahuasca to try to get an ego death and become a better person. Right now I'm just chilling and fucking around on the internet triggering reactions. It's entertaining for me and if that makes me evil and what not, I don't care. I don't post here often. I actually gave people some good advice about addiction and neurochemistry. Now I'm done and love trolling on a boring sunday. Lol at you trying to play the psychologist about why I'm here trolling because I'm a big nothing. I had a pretty hard life yeah, but trolling here has nothing to do with my own insecurities. It has something to do with my disdain for people. As I already told you smartass, I have no PAWS anymore, a great job in IT. Tinder matches and dates, great friends, no PIED anymore, functioning normally. My anhedonia and insomnia is lifting. When I was a young kid, some instances really made me hate people. How they treated my parents. It has nothing to do with insecurities, but how I was treated as a kid, and how they treated my parents. That's why I fucking hate people and gor into a lot trouble during my teenage years and the drugs I took during my early twenties because of my mother almost killing herself multiple times. Yeah that really fucks a person up. Then the GABAergic drugs I took to deal with the negative shit and insomnia. I am not in that position anymore and I hate the weakness I had back then. I hate weakness now and all I see on this website is weak people that can't stop wanking. I hate all of it. I hated myself. Now I am functioning as a normal person (except the trolling here). I finally have it all, but I still hate people and weakness so much. I am a hypocrite, I know. Here I told you my life story. Trolling people on a boring sunday is just really entertaining. I am going to try ayahuasca to kill my ego and become a nicer less bitter person. The paradox is, I actually helped people here when I was suffering PAWS myself. Then I followed whysolongs advice and all my symptoms were gone.

 

My waves are long because of all of the binge relapses (kindling) I've done. I'd say they last about 3 months, with miniature waves occurring throughout. It's like a large mountain with little hills on the way up and the way down. The smaller hills last 5-10 days or so.

I know the feeling of being in another dimension. For me, it makes it hard to relate to people because my concerns are so vastly different than theirs.

Good luck and stick around. This forum will help give you hope, and explain some unanswered question you may have (hopefully). And you can ignore anyone you don't think will prove valuable to your experience, a.k.a. you can curate it to your own liking.

 

Meanwhile...

Post-Acute-Withdrawal-Handouts.pdf (adstv.on.ca)

For those interested this is a good quick read. It's extracted from a book called "Staying Sober". It perfectly describes the majority of my PAWS symptoms. The only one I don't have is coordination problems since they are so closely tied to alcohol abuse. The author also talks about the patterns of PAWS being intermittent, stable, regenerative, and degenerative. I haven't seen it put like this before. The point is that anyone who claims that porn PAWS aren't on the level of drug PAWS is just dead wrong. The acute withdrawals from drugs are worse but the protracted syndrome is the same. They are basing their comments on the false idea that their own experience with porn addiction is universal. I quit 3 years of Paxil cold-turkey in the early 2000s without a single negative effect. In fact, I felt better. But that doesn't make me an expert on Paxil withdrawal. I'm sure people go through hell!

Oh, and I can see that some of you are responding to the fragile man-baby. Please don't. Maybe it's just one of the benefits of being an "old man", but I see right through it and feel nothing for or against him. I knew a bipolar guy once and everyday it was just "Look at me!", "Look, look, I'm pouting again!", "Pay attention to me!", "Please, please validate me!". I'm telling you, being around that guy was just utterly exhausting. It's like you're forced to be stuck next to this pathetic emotional parasite. There's this needy wrecking-ball personality that has an insatiable appetite for sucking all the emotional energy from everyone around them. IRL, that's exactly who this guy is. 100%. Once you become his babysitter you'll be stuck in that role. More than anything else, the parasite craves codependents to coddle his personality disorder because it makes his fantasy world feel more real to him. As a father, I'm mostly just sad for his parents. I especially feel for his poor mother. Like @zander13 said, you can curate your experience here and talk to supportive people.

On an up note, I've been doing 2-hour bike rides everyday now that the weather is getting warm again. Blue sky and good music definitely make me feel a lot better. Today is perfect outside so that's where I'm headed, hang in there guys.

 

This is the definition of a broken soul. I hope you will find happiness and love man i really do. Remember the ego is an illusion, its not you. And you know that, you are deeply hurting its obvious to see. Even when i was suicidal i would still be kind and loving to people, guess we are different. I want everybody to suceed and everyone to find love. I love having that mindset honestly. Anyways, hope you find that high vibrations man!

 

And you too man. You are 100 percent whysolong on another account. Why go on a paws forum and tell them it isnt real? 100 percent you never made it out of paws and you need this to justify the fact that you are still not healed. So many big egos in here, so much negativity, so much fear and pain.

 

I went to multiple family members funeral under deep paws. Now I'm scared when I come out of it, I might forget I went to....

 

Guys I've been out work since mid 2018. It's like I'm beyond retarded and living in other universe. I can't even function in that said universe. Penis is broken right now. Oufff I'm sick n tired and don't know what else to do....