P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

This month (17) I've experienced more change than any other. By far. I am now confident that I won't be one of those extremely long cases. It'll probably take the traditional 2 years, maybe a bit more just to shore up leftover symptoms.

I'm also predicting that it won't be a like light switch for me. Things seem to improve gradually, each "cycle" being easier than the previous. Not until months 15-16 did this process begin to occur. For the first 14-15 months, each month saw an increase in the pain associated with my symptoms, rather than improvement. But now that trend has done a 180, thank God.

The sad thing I have to report is that based on the excel document I've been keeping, the next 3 days are going to be very, very difficult. The last week has mirrored a week I had 2 months ago to the "T", and the stretch ended with the darkest days of the entire 2 month cycle.

I'm pretty damn scared of what is to come, but the fact that once I get out of it I'll feel better than ever brings mixed emotions.

I'll never feel as bad as I will the next three days, and that's super fucking encouraging. And, as I said, this month has brought more change than any other. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the 17-18 month mark seems to be a sticking point for a lot of people. I just asked a guy on Reddit who had recently left a 3 year flatline, and he said that month 18 was when he starting seeing a lot more good days (50-50 ratio). I don't know if I'm at 50-50 yet, but the ratio has definitely increased by a large margin. I've also seen guys on here say the same thing, including Don, who told me that month 18 was when he first starting feeling serviceable as a human.

So yeah, the next 3 days will most likely suck balls, but afterwards the trend is only going to get better and better.

One of the greatest parts about is improving is the slow return of passion for the things I once loved. I'm also getting a slow drip of nostalgic, positive memories that I haven't thought about in years.

Morning wood now occurs about 5-7 days a week. Most of them disappear before I get up, but I had one recently that stayed up even as I stood up and walked around a little.

I still have a ways to go, but yeah. Gotta love the 17-18 month mark.

 

Love to hear this mate, chuffed for you!

 

Thanks man. Love the vernacular.

 

I remember this point of rebooting, this is a real sign of coming to health ! I'm happy and keeping "fingers crossed" for your good luck

 

I had it, but it then disappeared.

 

Same as well...
I've started getting better multiple occasions in the reboot. Then things going bad again. And I started kindling due to no results. That's even put the reboot process further n further....

 

I'm so emotionally invested in this whole journey and thus this thread that I was feeling so happy and proud the moment I read your post zander. I was more happy reading about your progress than receiving a good grade for one of my term papers that I received the same day. You felt so bad that you considered taking ADs but you fought through it!

I just had some really exhausting weeks because I had to finish two scientific term papers in order to get back on track with my studying as corona and my dads accident forced me to do other things. But I managed to finish both and they actually turned out quite nice. The process wasn't easy though. I literally felt dyslexic at some points. I had to google the word "simultaneously" 3 times in 5 minutes because I wasn't able to remember how the word is written. I always wondered how someone dyslexic felt and I couldn't imagine how someone could not remember how a word is written. I now can totally emphasize with it although I never had any problems with remembering how to write words before. My cognition is just so freaking bad and I have to use all kinds of aids to fight my way through daily life but I somehow get it all done which I am very happy about. Turning in those term papers and receiving good grades really were a boost to my self-value. I mean through all that shit that I went through the last year, combined with the process of PAWS, I still was able to perform better than most people in my course. I know this might sound very cheesy but for me it really means a lot. I can't wait to live out my full potential when this god damn process is already over.

I also had some days where my derealisation was tremendously better and when I barely had any visual disturbances like visual snow or after-images. This further reinforces my assumption that all visual problems are just part of an overfiring stress response which will vanish once PAWS is over. While cognitive issues are problematic in daily life I just miss the feeling of being connected to the universe. To be in reality and not cut off in a brain fogged 2D world. I am living in this reality many years now and leaving this state would be such a relief. I instantly feel true happiness once I am out of derealisation for just one or two hours. I get so confident. I start to connect with random strangers and everything falls in place and the future feels bright. But then my brain goes back to feeling like shit and I am at the place I was before. This process will come to an end though. I can feel it in every bone. One day this shit show will be over guys and I am so freaking ready for it.

 

Hey lads, just a quick heads up concerning this thread which is filled with really strong minded people with amazing achievements, this is inspiring and I guess altho I never really doubt that I'll get through with my recovery, some days my brain tries to trick me into looking for ways to rationalize and reassure itself that I'm on the right path, seeing the stories from some of you guys does help.

I just had a few questions as PAWS in porn addiction is a pretty unknown topic for most people even in the 'Nofap' sphere. I'm fairly early in my recovery, 145 days no relapse, fully clean, only had a couple wet dreams, no sex. Been trying to reboot for a little over a year to a year and a half before managing to fully get out of the grip my addiction had on me and aspire to a completely sober life. Had a few streaks here and there, 30 days, 60 days but I kept on engaging in this behavior that now disgusts me, found faith in life and in a higher power and I truly believe with my entire being that I'll find salvation and happinness.
This realisation actually came in around a year ago, I guess it was the 'honeymoon' phase of my recovery process, where I truly felt alive and I completely changed my habits, who I was aswell as my trajectory in life, a true blessing. Because today, I don't have that spark anymore but I kept all my habits because this who I became and I have faith it will take me to where I aspire to be even if I don't can't see it yet, I take this as a blessing, it's as if God showed me that there is light before making me go through whatever suffering I must endure to transcend my being.

I believe I'm going through PAWS, I don't know much about it and I guess I just felt like I wanted to share my story with this community as well as get insightfull feedback. I just don't feel happy or motivated or excited about life, I don't feel anything for the opposite sex either. I'm fortunate my withdrawal symptoms only go to that extent but some days I struggle because I'm just asking myself if there is something else going on and if I'll ever get through, the answer remains the same but the doubt sometimes creeps in. My diet has little flaws, been working out consistently for 3 years, cold showers everyday for the past 10 months, I meditate everyday and I journal everyday, I also found a passion I have and I'm working towards making a living from it.
Again I'm not sure why I'm writing all this, maybe because sometimes I get a little lonely and getting all this out feels good. For any of you guys struggling, do your best, that's the only thing you can do. Be a true alchemist, turn lead into gold, even if you can't get rid of withdrawals do your best and make sure you get the best possible outcome you're able to get in this very moment. Feeling powereless is hard and I guess letting go of expectations is a part of the process, with resolve, patience and humility, we're all gonna make it brahs.

 

Hey y’all. I’ve been looking through all the pages of this forum for awhile and I just have some comments/questions.

someone on a previous page mentioned how paws can effect anyone differently. We all have used P for different amounts of times and some of us were addicted longer than others. i do agree with that because I think the withdrawals can definitely be more extreme for someone addicted for 20 years apposed to someone addicted for one.
I know flatlines are bound to happen to me, they have before. I’m just curious about PAWS. From what I’ve been seeing here, the PAWS seems to be more extreme for some that had struggled for a long time. With myself being an addict for around 4-5 years.. can i expect to experience PAWS at some point? I’m 18 now, definitely motivated to be on the right path. PAWS just seems like absolute hell. I feel for all of you going through it. But keep pushing.
Thank you. <3

 

I've been doing some reading of past PAWs conquerors, and I'm getting pretty damn excited about the next 6 months. Seems like once the benefits start coming things kind of skyrocket.

I'm still wary of another major dip (because I've been kicked in the ass too many times not to be pessimistic), but I'm really starting to think that things are going to improve in ways that I still can't even fathom.

Just need to make it another 6 months. And the sound of that isn't so bad considering the fact that new and exciting doors will be opened as the process sputters along. It's not as if I need to endure another 6 months of hellfire (which was how things were for the first 1.5 months). It's a half year that will be mysterious, and new, and (hopefully) full of excitement. Hopefully, the good will begin to outweigh the bad. And if that does indeed begin to happen, then you bet your ass I can tolerate it. The worst part about this process is sitting in the quagmire of shit having no idea when I'm going to get out. If I can see the banks while I'm bobbing in the waves then I'm A-fucking-okay.

I'm still going to have shit days. Probably a lot of them. I know that. But I'm just so fucking flabbergasted by this journey. It's fucking nuts.

Just need to continue to remain porn-free. My life depends on my abstinence.

 

I've had some brain fog the last several days and just woke up really groggy so I don't know how comprehensible this post will be.

At the end of last year (after 13 months of retention) I started doing a little bit of research on the third eye because I was getting sensations in the middle of my forehead. I don't want to discuss chakras since that is outside the scope of this thread but I did read that the third eye chakra corresponds to the pineal gland. The pineal gland is located deep inside the brain and secretes melatonin which regulates the circadian rhythm.

My stretch of excellent sleep, no afternoon naps, no brain fog has ended. There is immense pressure on my third eye. From a spiritual perspective I guess my third eye chakra is opening up. From a physical perspective I believe there is something going on with the pineal gland as part of the reboot process. Headaches, bad sleep, brain fog all make sense now.

I've read a lot of personal stories and anecdotes from other people's reboots and I don't think I've seen this discussed so why not throw it out there.

Also I almost had a spontaneous emission this morning. I woke up with morning wood and very sensitive down there. Luckily I was able to hold it in. I think this will be one of those things that I need to be wary about as I exit the flatline.

 

Hey guys, I was wondering if any of you have gotten a Covid vaccine, and if so whether you’ve noticed an effect on any of your PAWS symptoms? I’ve read about people having some weird side effects like tinnitus and other neuro stuff and I’m a little worried it might amp up some of the stuff that I’m already dealing with, i.e. tinnitus but also visual disturbances, tingling in the extremities, etc. I know getting Covid is much worse so I’m not really planning to skip the shot, but I‘m just wondering what I could be in for...

 

I got it about a month and a half ago and haven’t noticed any increase in the severity of my symptoms. I recently found out I have tinnitus but it’s very minor so I’ve probably had it this whole time without realising and it’s unrelated to the vaccine.

I was worried about these things too before getting it but it’s just the PAWS anxiety at play, you’ll be alright.

 

I can definitely relate to that one, dude. I've been in this shit for ages now and I wasn't even able to see the connection. I'll keep my fingers crossed for us all.

 

Have any of you lost hope that you can heal? I have been feeling like this for 4-5 years and have had many good streaks. On day 250 at the moment, but the anhedonia and anxiety just keeps staying. To all of us that dont notice steady progress, are we ruined? I still have that little belief that its paws and i will heal and thats why i keep fighting everyday. But man its so hard. Im watching my 20's go by and cant socialize because of paws, cant make new connections, cant have sex because i need to heal from ejaculation. My state of mind is so hopeless pretty much everyday and i dont know what to do. Ill make it to 2 years and if its not better then i need to try something else, TRT or meds or whatever. Even tho it goes against all of my beliefs. Hope you all are doing good

 

The thing is i had insane life changing benefits just before PAWS hit in the beginning. That proves to me that it is in fact the healing proccess. I have never had a hard mode streak longer than 8 months. But you may be right. I will go 14 months more so i reach 2 years and if im not better i will try other solution

 

You've got plenty of hope left if you haven't gone longer than 8 months before. It's understandable that you're not filled with hope, especially since one of the symptoms is pessimistic thinking, but realistically you just haven't gone long enough to let your brain heal. If you were at the 2 year mark and still feeling this way then it would be valid but seeing as your not, there is no reason to believe such a thing.

In my opinion, if you have PAWS then you likely don't have an underlying condition causing your symptoms, it's just PAWS. Therapy could still be a viable option for you if you need support to get through it, but only time will truly heal you. The number one thing which helps me is reading posts about PAWS, in almost all cases across all addictions the sufferer makes it through to the other side as long as they have continued abstinence. There's also some decent PAWS material on YouTube so check it out if that's your thing.

 

I havent binged between my streaks but still it seems to be never ending. I truly believe it will end i just need to keep going. And thank you man. Any success stories you want to share? If so please do.

 

I don't think you need to binge to reset your progress, just make sure you don't relapse again. I won't share any specific stories but will tell you where you will find a lot.

Of course the main place where you will find relatable success stories is reddit and it's very easy to follow up on people's posts to see if they recovered. If you just search post acute withdrawal you will find SO many posts about it from all different kinds of addictions including PMO. Then you have uncommon forum where there are some good PAWS threads about weed addiction and then my final place to find PAWS info is soberrecovery.com, I think the tread is called "for those tortured by PAWS".

There's loads of stories and info out there if you can be bothered to look. Dr KJ Foster is probably the best YouTube channel for PAWS as she has a realistic and experienced view of it and will respond to any comment you leave.