Please stop counting your days

Nah, I've done counting and no counting. For me it's proof I'm fulfilling a goal I wanted since I was a kid. The days are a tool for recovery, not recovery itself, I get that. If you relapse once, reset your days, that isn't an excuse to release again, because you're actually looking for a lifestyle change. Maybe I'll drop counting eventually, but for now I need it.

 

The thing with day counting is it's deeply embedded in recovery culture and nobody questions it, but the context is important. For example some meetings give out chips for time, like a one month, year or whatever but that's supposed to be in the context of celebration. If you give them out but nobody talks to the people who got one it's very different from a group that might even have cake and a little hanging out time after. So being socially engaged really overshadows the counting part. But since most programs are based on the 12 Steps I wonder has any sponsor or people close to the program given chips or done some kind of celebration for completing a particular step? Because that's actually supposed to be a specific milestone and can't be measured in a standardized number of days.

 

I really don't think it matters that much, each to his own. In the end, it really comes down to your character, discipline and how badly you want change in your life.

Currently, I need this shallow proof of achievement and metric of my progression to know exactly where I am at. Most likely I will be able to drop it completely in the future.

Counting or no counting - porn is just one click away at all times. In the end it is just personal preference and I respect your opinion, but I don't think what works for you is the best for everyone and vice versa.

Thanks for sharing, for some people it might be very helpful!

 

I think it depends on the person. For some it is really unhelpful, for others it's a thing that brings them joy knowing how far they've come.

 

Fully agree! Been clean 5 years & this was the last thing I implemented before fully getting clean. Not saying this one change did it but it had a huge impact personally. Counting the total number of days clean would be a good option though for people who want some kind of number for it. But the "back to day 1" mindset is a killer that kept me stuck for years.

 

When I first tried to give up porn/masturbation, I counted the days.
Eventually I had a light relapse after a year or so.
The next time I decided to focus on stopping the habit, I counted days again, not as in detail but it was in the back of mind.
I don't count the days anymore.
It may depend on your own progress. For me I don't need to do it anymore. I don't have any cravings. I've moved past that activity and just look back on it as a waste of time and it holds no attraction to me. At this point, there are no days to count, as I don't identify with the activity and feel no compulsion towards it.
This process took place over years. Maybe counting is useful for someone in the beginning, but not after.

There was another good observation by a member here.
He said something like, are you counting the amount of days since you haven't eaten rotten fruit?

 

I'm not deeply into the subject, but suspect that the matter is not about day counting or not, it is about context behind it for one who utilizes it.

Now on weight loss subject, as an example, I do not weight myself. I just perform the routine and use another hole in the belt in a week or so.
Why? Because there is a sence of shame behind the number.
- I'm not ok 105 kg. Gotta suffer more.
- I'm not ok 95 kg. Gotta suffer more.
- I'm not ok 85 kg. Gotta suffer more.
By the end of the day I'm not ok in any weight. I suffer due to diet, I suffer due to extra stress from realising myself as fat one. Every extra piece of suffering builds up stress and necessity to compensate it with another candy or whatever. And of course, every candy is the source of extra shaming for being weak. Vicious circle, based on shame and fear.

Letting myself be in whatever weight, forgiving myself for who I am (partially at least) gave me strength to build up discipline to accumulate more and more new positive habits which are quite effective in the long run.

Now nofap counter is a little something different. It is not the measurement of time from the last time i sinned. It is counting the days I endured, proving my will for myself, which is terribly rewarding. Basis for my libido development and contact with future.

Of course, it is a matter of ones inner values and features. Working out the willpower is something mighty difficult yet important for me.

 

To each their own, whatever helps them feel good about themselves. I've always been a count up/countdown person. I have an app that I post inspiring pictures on, so I don't just see a number.
I've always liked visible signs of achievement. I hold 2 different black belts & the excitement working through the ranks never got old.
Speaking of coins, my wife got her 10 year coin last year from prescription drug abuse recovery. She is my hero!!

 

It's great if this worked for you, but don't tell other people how to live their lives.

The research on this subject is conclusive. Those who track their progress are more likely to succeed than those who don't. The benefits of habit tracking include 1. motivation to continue with life changes, 2. satisfaction with the progress already made, and 3. a defense against reverting back to old behaviors.

See, for example, "Does monitoring goal progress promote goal attainment? A meta-analysis of the experimental evidence" by Harkin, 2016.

 

Nah, I like to count the days. Bit like a super mario game. With rewards, like when I reach different levels. It's just a measurement tool for me. And it shows me how long it's been. Don't recovering alcoholics say I am, so many days sober?

 

I second that.
When I started the challenge I found it very helpful counting the days and trying not to break the streak. Was like a daily celebration of another day without porn.
Almost 50 days later I don't think about porn as much, and counting the days now is one of the things that reminds me.
I plan to still update my journal, but perhaps less frequently.
So I would say stick with whichever approach works for you in achieving your goals.

 

I’m glad when people feel like counting their days does not help them and then they stop counting days and they progress well. As for me counting days is one if the most inspiring things. I count days for inspiration but in the end it truly is about the brain change. Timelines help me a lot

 

Yeah, we already have a plenty of app counters that gonna do this

 

One way to look at it though is like counting how many miles you have traveled rather than whether you've reached the destination. You can be on a treadmill going nowhere and feel good from the exercise, but going outside and walking the same distance may get us where you want to go.

 

I appreciate this post. I turned my counter back on recently after leaving it off for exactly this reason. The only reason I turned it back on is because I relapsed so recently and I wanted to at least know when my first day of this next round is.

But honestly, I've had streaks of over a year before. The truth is you have to decide you're going to quit forever. Counting days only keeps you fixated on having a problem, which will make you continue to have it.

Go to an AA meeting if you want confirmation of this. There are all of these old guys beating their chests about how they've been sober for 20+ years, and still talking about their drinking days at these meetings often multiple times a week. How is that recovery? Alcohol is still the center of their lives, now without even drinking it.

Let's not do the same with PMO. If you quit, ideally that means you never do or even think about it again. This isn't to discourage intermediate steps but to say that @Man786 has the right idea as far as the real goal here.