Pls help me

Hi Brother,

Thank you for being honest about your struggle and having the courage to share. Sharing is an important first step to recovery. You should be proud of yourself for making this important first step.

I was 16 when i first got hooked on PMO. I'm 32 now and continue to struggle with porn addiction. What has helped me so far is I joined a weekly accountability group on this forum. It's basically a safe space where you meet on a regular basis to share your struggles with your addiction and talk about your emotions. This has really helped me, because porn addiction is something I can't talk about with my friends or my fiance. This may not be an option for you since you're 15 and it would require you to pay $40 a month. In my opinion, it's worth every penny and has personally provided me a lot of value.

Another thing that helped me is that I met an accountability partner on this forum. We check in with each other on a regular basis and support each other whenever we're struggling with life or our addiction. I had mixed results when talking to a therapist about my porn addiction. Some are supportive and can be super helpful. While others such as a self righteous woman i had, would judge you and make you feel bad about yourself. Some therapists don't want to take the time to treat you and would rather provide a shortcut by convincing you to be on medication when you don't really need it. You are taking a bit of a risk when you try to get treated with a therapist. Which is why I'm suggesting the support group and accountability partner if its a possibility for you.

I've been PMO free for 28 days so far, but I hit many rock bottoms in my 16 years of addiction before I got to this point. What i've learned so far is that there is no shortcuts to recovery. The choices you make everyday helps build a solid foundation for future success. In order to prevent yourself from relapsing, you need to care of many needs that you have. You have to make sure you get enough sleep, you have to make sure you eat good quality food and not get hungry, you have to manage your stress level by exercising or meditation, you have manage your feelings of low self esteem or loneliness by writing your feelings in a journal or share your feelings in a safe place, you have to manage your feelings of loneliness by connecting with people socially, you have to manage your feelings of boredom by doing something that's fun/challenging etc. If you take care of yourself in this way, the urge to look at porn will lessen. Make sure you take care of yourself on a daily basis and track your performance, consistency is key. The more you take care of yourself consistently on a daily basis, it will eventually turn into a positive snowball effect and you'll notice more and bigger results.

But please realize that there is not a quick or easy solution to stopping your addiction. Meaning you need to patient with yourself in recovery, you can't expect to be cured after 1 or 2 attempts. You have to take the time to understand why you react/behave the way that you do. Then peel back the layers to understand the root cause of your problem. You also have to figure out whats effective treatment for you. Don't be discouraged or angry with yourself when you have setbacks. See it as a learning opportunity to improve for next time. Once you discover the root cause of your problem, you can heal from it, and then apply skill based solutions to stop this behavior. I use to think that if i have a popup blocker that it'll solve all my problems. It does help reduce the urge, but it's treating the symptom and not the root cause.

What i can say is that you're still young and it's good that you're trying to take care of this now. The more you feed into your addiction, the bigger the problem will be later on and it'll be more difficult to treat. High school and if/when you decide to pursue college can be a great opportunity to learn, meet people, discover your hobbies or passion, experience personal growth, or heck even date. When you spend your time fapping and searching for hardcore content in order to orgasm, you're missing out on other opportunities. In high school i would spend hours after school looking at porn and fapping. No surprise my grades sucked, didn't have too many friends, and no luck dating. When I got to college, I spent my weekends hoping my roommate would leave so i can look at porn and fap. Same result, my grades sucked, I didn't have any friends, and no luck with girls. It wasn't until I was 24 did I finally start to have some luck with women.

Anyways, don't give up hope. Keep trying. You have a community that's supportive of you and wants you to do well. You just need to figure out the resources available to you and use it effectively.

 

Brother you are right this addiction is a serious problem I've been trying to break it since 2 years but still not able to break it. I've relapsed a lot on nofap too but still somehow my heart says that no matter what I have to break it. It has just been 3 days now again I hope I don't relapse again . Its quite hard to break it but I know there are some many advantages of breaking this addiction. So I will give my best and try to break this addiction this time for sure. Can u pls become my accountability partner as I dont like to share about this addiction to anyone else. Please help me.

 

You have a huge advantage as you are 15 years old. I have tried to fight these demons from 15 y.o. but only now when I registered to NoFap I improved a lot. Remember, more tools = bigger success. I offer you to try change your habits - use less internet, stop going to social media and youtube (it really helped to me), take a cold shower, do exercises and meditate. And one most important thing. These fetishes don't come from the air. You must understand your feelings and where they did come. When you will understand, you need to admit that you have it but let it go and try to abstain from it. Don't imagine this like a fight, just know that you don't need it. Time will show this to you.

 

Remember that your brain is plastic, and far more plastic when you're young. So it is entirely possible to change this - it doesn't feel like it some days, but biology is on your side here.

First of, stop worrying about 90 days. It's a good and valid goal, bit stop pressuring yourself. Just be clean today. If that's too much, just for the next hour - and tell yourself that all you have to do is hold out for that short period of time. It'll make it easier.

Secondly, what're you doing instead? What have you replaced the behaviour with? It's great stopping, but you need to fill the void. There's lots of advice on here - what have you tried? What do you think?

Third, I'd get a person to talk to. An accountability partner here, a friend in the real world, a therapist, whatever. But talk about it. This is easier to beat when you shine a light on it.

Good luck!

 

Hey man thanks for sharing it is really brave of you. As far as something practical that comes to mind that may help you, I think a good exercise to do in situations like yours is to make a list of everything that triggers you, anything that you feel or think right before doing the activity that you want to quit. Becoming aware of the things that act as a cue can be prove to be very beneficial as that way you'll have a better understanding of the problem.

 

Hi brother,

I'm a little busy with life at the moment, would love to be your partner when things die down. Let me know if its cool to follow up with you when then that happens.

 

Your at a tough age because at 15 your in the middle of puberty, your hormones are raging and its a natural time in a mans life to feel horny all the time.
So this strong desire and urges that are normal for a 15yr old are being misdirected into the sissy stuff and thats why its so hard to quit.

Have you considered installing parental blocking software on your devices or pc? Of course you need a trusted friend for this because they need to keep the password away from you. But you wouldnt need to give them the whole story, only say something like you want to stay away from bad influences or something.

All you can really do is keep trying.
Dont look at any porn because even if ypu start looking at vanilla picks of ladies in underwear you know where you will end up going. So just stay away in the 1st place.

Remember that every day you go without pmo is a win. So if you last 2 days and then relapse, well at least you have 2wins vs 1loss. Dont give up after a relapse, because if you last another 2 days afterwards thats more time spent winning the battle.
You just need to keep fighting, accept that occasionally you will lose, but as long as you keep trying you should see that over time you get better and better.

 

Thanks a ton brother yes pls follow up once u get free. It means a lot