porn is destroying my life

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by resistance_3006, Feb 21, 2020.

  1. resistance_3006

    resistance_3006 New Fapstronaut

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    Dear NoFappers

    I am new to this community of NoFap so please don't sh*tstorm me for my thread that most probably has been posted a thousand times. I don't even know how to you this platform.... Sorry people!

    I feel helpless. Fapping is destroying my life - not only with my partner but also with my own body and mind. Recently me and my partner got married. Before that I lived a very polygam lifestyle.

    In almost a year I am taking the Bar Exam (in Germany). Due to this I am currently studying quite lot in the library. During the day there comes a time when I get really horny and attracted by anyone in the library. So I get my phone, go the bathroom and start fapping. After this I feel terrible for many reasons. First, after doing it myself I don't feel the urge to get intimate with my partner (which is obviously selfish). Second, after fapping I loose my motivation to study and also lack in concentration. I started leaving my phone at home. But my mind still finds some sexual pictures which is enough for fapping. I discovered that my mind gets on fapping when I get bored or get emotionally stressed by someone or something. So its not only limited to some stranger hot person that's triggering me.

    I know that specialists, like sexual psychiatrist/doctors, can help in this matter. But I need quick help. Because after fapping in the library (which happens almost every day) I get grumpy afterwards. When I trusted myself to a friend, he said its totally fine to watch porn more than having sex with the own partner...

    So please, what can I do for the moment? What do you guys do when urge gets you bad? Oh, and please, don't recommend me to go take a walk. If its pouring outside or if I am sitting on train I can't do that..

    I would really appreciate any help...

    Thanks a lot!!!

    P.S.: when I am alone and I want to reward myself I just watch porn (at home) edging and searching porn like crazy... This could take up to 1-2 h.
     
    megaman85 likes this.
  2. I think you need a solid system of study, perhaps a timetable and a list of things you are going to try to accomplish within a certain amount of time. Quality study time is more important than hours of fake study, or with side trips to the washroom.
    When studying becomes useless or you are tempted to fap, go home. Or go to the gym.
    Eliminate places that enable you to fap, such as the the washroom in the library.
    And be more honest with your partner. Not necessarily about fapping, but how you feel about your life, study, work, whatever. You aren't fapping just because you like porn, right? Is your relationship solid?
    I am telling you to be more honest because that has been a real problem in my marriage. You are still young so you have a chance to fix things.
     
    megaman85 likes this.

  3. You say all this as if everything in your life is great but this one thing is not.

    You are bored out of your mind, your relationship is in peaces, you are depressed and you have no idea what to do with your life.

    Somehow you think that masturbation is the area you should focus on.

    I would say - fix your relationship first, get out of depression, rethink your goals.
     
  4. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    I was in a relationship like this before. If the girl doesn't make you want to stop fapping, she ain't the one
     
  5. The strategy that helped me most was to make a tangible plan and stick to it. Whenever you get the urge, look at your plan instead. I did this with just a basic note taking app on my phone (ColorNote). Include how your wife would feel if she knew what you were doing. Also, write down how you felt afterwards the last timed you fapped. Think of it as a note to yourself. Your plan should have some reasonably attainable goals, such as limiting your phone use, or go x days without masturbation. It also helped me to jump on these forums when the urge hit.

    Here are a few reminders from old plan for examples:
    1. Remember how unproductive it is
    2. Those in porn may be trapped or exploited
    3. This is breaking trust in my marriage
    From what you're saying though, it sounds like you need to address your own self-control issues as well. Porn isn't the root of your problem; it's only a symptom of lusting after other women. Every time you lust and then act on it, you're reinforcing that behavior. So think about that when the urge hits you. Restate in your mind that this isn't the person you want to be, and reflect on your actions. If boredom and stress are triggers, try and replace fapping as a coping mechanism with healthier behaviors. This could be a hobby, exercise, anything but porn/masturbation.

    Unfortunately, there is no quick fix as you've probably been reinforcing these behaviors for some time. Aim to reduce first. That's what I mean by setting goals. If you absolutely can't fight the urge, put a time limit on your porn use. Write down how many times you're masturbating per week and set a goal of less than that. I relapsed many, many times before cutting it out completely.

    How disciplined are you in other areas of your life?
     
    Indurian likes this.
  6. Indurian

    Indurian Fapstronaut

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    I disagree with this conclusion. That's putting the blame for your own addiction on another person. In my experience it's your own thoughts that need to be changed. When I am fapping I feel different about my wife compared to when I am not fapping.
     
    GoldenDreams likes this.
  7. Masturbation is certainly his problem, even if he does have other issues, which he doesn’t mention. If he masturbates in the library bathroom to some random girl, of course he’s going to go home low energy and a little ashamed. He needs to be putting that energy into his girl. Maybe then, he could have some fortitude and hold his head high. It doesn’t sound like he’s having other issues, he literally said he feels bad after masturbation.
     
    Indurian likes this.
  8. MikeSilva

    MikeSilva Fapstronaut

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    Wauw! Where did you read this person is depressed? Where did you read that his girlfriend is not treating him well? Where did you read that this person is bored? A lot of quick statements which are not based on anything to be honest.

    I read that this person has to take the bar in Germany which is pretty hard so enough to do in his life if you ask me
     
  9. People do not come here saying how shitty they feel unless they are depressed and think their life is falling apart. This is "I do not know what to do" cry for help, not "I feel guilty after masturbating."
    Healthy people do not give a *** about what others think about them masturbating - depressed people, with low self esteem and dobts about their life do.