Problems caused by masturbation and general sexual behavior

S

Silnik

Fapstronaut
Dear community

I am new here and started my journey five days ago.
I've been masturbating on a regular basis since I was around 13 years old.
At one point porn also became a regular companion to my journey.
I've been in a relationship for almost 10 years now. Our sex-life started out pretty good and went okay for about five years. In the last five years it got progressively less and less. between 2018-2022 it was maybe only 3-5 times total.

I was already used to helping myself out, so this didn't change that much. Caused by some issues on my partners side but also with my behavior it separated more and more.
It was pretty hard for me, since I love sex but also did understand by partners view.
She was getting a bit turnt off by by overall but mainly sexual behavior.

The last three years there were a couple incidents, one of the recently, were I touched my partner at night. It didn't feel like I was in full control honestly, but I also don't want to blame it on sleep «walking» if you can call it that.

These incidents according to my partner were making it much harder for her to find me sexual attractive. Of course this makes my problem even bigger. On one side I don't want to masturbate or consume porn, on the other hand I need a sexual outlet which is currently not working with my partner.

the past five days have been pretty hard at certain moments. I question the reason behind not masturbating. I see so many hot girls per day in the gym or online, this has also caused be to hop on sites like flingster or similar to find an outlet.

Give me strenght and I hope to hear from you.
S.
 
Fore sure. Currently I am going no porn, masturbation and no sex (involuntary).
I will keep social media but try to consume less problematic content and more motivating stuff.
 
I’ll give it to you straight. You’re a sex addict in both sex with self aka masturbation and sex with others aka your partner or any other sex addict you meet on your flingster app.

Think about it, you’re using other human beings as an outlet —and don’t think because it’s consensual it makes it any less abhorrent. Your fidelity to your partner only extends in so far as your “needs” being met, which aren’t really needs as no one needs sex in order to live. My guess is your partner sees this and is incredibly turned off by it because it shows you prioritize your own sexual gratification over love for her.

You need to become a man of love and the road to that is through the renouncing of self for the good of another. This means you deny yourself sexual gratification in order to support your partner and grow in love for your partner. If you’re unwilling do that then you need to tell her so she can move on with her life.
 
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For sure, I couldn't agree with you more. But at the same time it's a bit strange to me, that I managed to go for so long without seeking IRL-sex.

I had long discussions with my partner about what is a basic need and what's not. While I agree that sex is not necessary to live. It is also based in our animal to reproduce.

To me it gets hard to uphold my love for my partner and deny sexual gratification in situation where I get called out for little stuff that happens in a household. I do a lot for our relationship, which sometimes gets more or less credit.

Although I start to get a different view but I still see sex as a sign for a good relationship.
 
In the context of a relationship sex is not an unimportant thing nor is it the most important thing. Sex for the sake of sexual gratification would show you place too much importance on it, while sex as an expression of the love that exists between you two would show you place a proper importance on sex. I know it seems all scientificy to say “sex is need because it’s part of our animal nature to reproduce” but we’re not like other animals, we have a rational mind. Plus are you reproducing? Even animals don’t have sex without a good/goal like reproducing, so if you’re avoiding reproduction you’re already operating on a level lower than animals.

This then begs the question, do you both love each other?

Silnik said:
But at the same time it's a bit strange to me, that I managed to go for so long without seeking IRL-sex.
Click to expand...
It’s not that surprising if you’re using masturbation and pornography as a substitute; there are plenty of men here who would be “satisfied” with that for the rest of their life, if they could be satisfied that is. Self-gratification is never satisfying, that’s the paradox of life and love.
 
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I agree. Also to me sex is not the most important thing in our relationship, otherwise it would have ended a long time ago.
I only want to of course, if my partner feels like it and takes active participation.
Yes, I avoid reproduction and while we have some troubles at times we for sure love each other. The discrepancy between our sexual needs/wants just created a bit of tension.

I am now on a journey to put work in on my part and see where this goes.
 
Silnik said:
Dear community

I am new here and started my journey five days ago.
I've been masturbating on a regular basis since I was around 13 years old.
At one point porn also became a regular companion to my journey.
I've been in a relationship for almost 10 years now. Our sex-life started out pretty good and went okay for about five years. In the last five years it got progressively less and less. between 2018-2022 it was maybe only 3-5 times total.

I was already used to helping myself out, so this didn't change that much. Caused by some issues on my partners side but also with my behavior it separated more and more.
It was pretty hard for me, since I love sex but also did understand by partners view.
She was getting a bit turnt off by by overall but mainly sexual behavior.

The last three years there were a couple incidents, one of the recently, were I touched my partner at night. It didn't feel like I was in full control honestly, but I also don't want to blame it on sleep «walking» if you can call it that.

These incidents according to my partner were making it much harder for her to find me sexual attractive. Of course this makes my problem even bigger. On one side I don't want to masturbate or consume porn, on the other hand I need a sexual outlet which is currently not working with my partner.

the past five days have been pretty hard at certain moments. I question the reason behind not masturbating. I see so many hot girls per day in the gym or online, this has also caused be to hop on sites like flingster or similar to find an outlet.

Give me strenght and I hope to hear from you.
S.
Click to expand...

I'd recommend going full monk mode. It will be difficult but I guarantee you will experience the benefits that are discussed all over this forum. I've been in your situation. You are dealing with an addiction and you can overcome it. It will take a lot of determination and effort and you will fail repeatedly along the way. That's the reality. The good news is you will also experience the benefits of attraction, confidence, insane sharp eyes, facial toning, posture improvements, among many of the attributes associated with semen retention. The big take away is this: It's worth it. It's awesome.
 
PRESS THE FIGHT said:
I'd recommend going full monk mode. It will be difficult but I guarantee you will experience the benefits that are discussed all over this forum. I've been in your situation. You are dealing with an addiction and you can overcome it. It will take a lot of determination and effort and you will fail repeatedly along the way. That's the reality. The good news is you will also experience the benefits of attraction, confidence, insane sharp eyes, facial toning, posture improvements, among many of the attributes associated with semen retention. The big take away is this: It's worth it. It's awesome.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your recommendations and encouragement. For me it's the first time really trying to overcome my addiction with the help of this site or any help in general. So I am really looking forward to enjoy the benefits. Until I joined this plattform I wasn't really sure if there were any benefits because I didn't want to face the reality that one of my habits could potentially be bad.
I found so much positive and encouraging infos in the past days.
 
PRESS THE FIGHT said:
I'd recommend going full monk mode. It will be difficult but I guarantee you will experience the benefits that are discussed all over this forum. I've been in your situation. You are dealing with an addiction and you can overcome it. It will take a lot of determination and effort and you will fail repeatedly along the way. That's the reality. The good news is you will also experience the benefits of attraction, confidence, insane sharp eyes, facial toning, posture improvements, among many of the attributes associated with semen retention. The big take away is this: It's worth it. It's awesome.
Click to expand...
Hello! Have you experienced it yourself? Can you please share your story?
 
Hope23 said:
Hello! Have you experienced it yourself? Can you please share your story?
Click to expand...

Hey, I was wondering about that too.
So far I haven't experienced much yet. Of course I feel better not doing it and with that less shame about myself but at the same time it's still to sometimes not think about it or stop myself from doing it.
 
Silnik said:
Hey, I was wondering about that too.
So far I haven't experienced much yet. Of course I feel better not doing it and with that less shame about myself but at the same time it's still to sometimes not think about it or stop myself from doing it.
Click to expand...
Glad to hear that! Are you going on hard mode reboot? And in what day you are without MO or PMO? Does wife support you?

PRESS THE FIGHT, can you share please your story?
 
Hope23 said:
Hello! Have you experienced it yourself? Can you please share your story?
Click to expand...
Yes to all of this. The positive effects are real. I've been doing this for 5 years and the before and after comparison is significant. My facial features became sharper and more masculine. The pudgy "wanker face" roundness went away. My voice is deeper and has more projection power to it. The eyes are a big indicator. Mine went from dark baggy and dull to crystal clear and tight. You lose the rounded feminine eye characteristics and your eyes become more male / predatory in a really great way. There's an intensity that will replace the old tired look. My posture is better than it had been. I naturally stand up very straight without even thinking about it. This is a byproduct of semen retention (speculation) and increased confidence. You will be changed from the inside out in many positive ways. Last, but certainly not least, is the attraction. I'm not a horrible looking guy by any comparison but during the MO / PMO period of my life it was difficult for me to attract women or be heard in conversations. This all changes on NoFap. You become a magnet and at first it's a bit disconcerting since you really don't know why it's happening other than to attribute it to semen retention and the confidence you project. I'll say this. Even on the days where I'm not feeling entirely 100% confident, the attraction still occurs. And one other thing, as a side note and a bit of a warning. You may find certain men will become increasingly hostile toward you for no identifiable reason. Just be prepared for this. With NoFap in your back pocket you'll be able to deal with individuals like this with relative ease and confidence. I think as you being to shed the old personality traits associated with fapping the real you begins to re-emerge.
 
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PRESS THE FIGHT said:
Yes to all of this. The positive effects are real. I've been doing this for 5 years and the before and after comparison is significant. My facial features became sharper and more masculine. The pudgy "wanker face" roundness went away. My voice is deeper and has more projection power to it. The eyes are a big indicator. Mine went from dark baggy and dull to crystal clear and tight. You lose the rounded feminine eye characteristics and your eyes become more male / predatory in a really great way. There's an intensity that will replace the old tired look. My posture is better than it had been. I naturally stand up very straight without even thinking about it. This is a byproduct of semen retention (speculation) and increased confidence. You will be changed from the inside out in many positive ways. Last, but certainly not least, is the attraction. I'm not a horrible looking guy by any comparison but during the MO / PMO period of my life it was difficult for me to attract women or be heard in conversations. This all changes on NoFap. You become a magnet and at first it's a bit disconcerting since you really don't know why it's happening other than to attribute it to semen retention and the confidence you project. I'll say this. Even on the days where I'm not feeling entirely 100% confident, the attraction still occurs. And one other thing, as a side note and a bit of a warning. You may find certain men will become increasingly hostile toward you for no identifiable reason. Just be prepared for this. With NoFap in your back pocket you'll be able to deal with individuals like this with relative ease and confidence. I think as you being to shed the old personality traits associated with fapping the real you begins to re-emerge.
Click to expand...

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I really appreciate it and I also really want to experience it. And if I understand correctly, you've been doing it for five years? How long has it been since you've been free of it? Haven't been tempted to do MO/PMO again?
 
Hope23 said:
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I really appreciate it and I also really want to experience it. And if I understand correctly, you've been doing it for five years? How long has it been since you've been free of it? Haven't been tempted to do MO/PMO again?
Click to expand...
The temptation is always there for MO. That's testament to the power of this addiction. The PMO component fades a bit quicker as you simply turn it off and stop looking. Depending on the length of MO/PMO in your life the severity of urges will vary from person to person. What you do learn is that urges are just as natural as breathing. It's learning to control them and use that energy for other things which takes time.
 
PRESS THE FIGHT said:
The temptation is always there for MO. That's testament to the power of this addiction. The PMO component fades a bit quicker as you simply turn it off and stop looking. Depending on the length of MO/PMO in your life the severity of urges will vary from person to person. What you do learn is that urges are just as natural as breathing. It's learning to control them and use that energy for other things which takes time.
Click to expand...

I really hope and wish that the temptation to do MO would disappear forever. Thank you for sharing and may we all have the strength to not do this terrible addiction. How long have you been without MO?
 
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