Reboot for males whose only sexual experience comes from pornography

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Tulliador, Apr 15, 2018.

  1. Tulliador

    Tulliador New Fapstronaut

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    (If someone has already discussed this subject, I would appreciate it if someone could turn me to it)

    Since the first sexual experiences for males (and presumably females) plays a massive role in creating neural pathways to repeat that behavior (that's why boys raped by other men in their childhood and early adolescence tend to be confused as to their sexual orientation), for the purpose of reproduction, I wonder if I may have great difficulties in my reboot, seeing as I have never even held hands with a member of the opposite sex other than my mother and sister. I have never been at all close to having a sexual encounter.

    I'm 21, I started to M using P at least every other day since I was 12. I started my reboot last year (2017). My longest period without masturbation was 6 months approximately (Feb-Jul). The main reason I was able to resist for so long was because I had gotten into my first job (I was very engaged), and was out of the house for at least 13 hours Monday to Friday, and 6 hours on Saturdays, so no real time for it. However due to a diminished capacity for impulse control due to being burnt out from work and a need for release, I started to M again somewhat steadily in August last year, stopped in September and went back a it a few times (less than 5) in November. I managed to go P free again from December 2017 to late February 2018, just some minor relapses (Masturbating without porn while half awake in the middle of the night, I'm sure most of you know how frustrating that can be). Due to some stress and anxiety last month I masturbated with porn at least 8 times. The relapses where however very bad; I looked at porn at least 2 hours each time. I started reading YBOP material which gave me the motivation to start again strong.

    I believe the main reason women have never produced any real interest in me, is due to using porn before having sex from an early age. Another factor was that I left school when I was 14 and rarely left the house, and I never met any females through my friends. I only became more socially active last year and even then I had no interest in women at all. They might as well have been talking furniture. This may have had something to do with being on a flatline.

    Throughout this month however, I have felt things for females I never felt before; when I look at one on TV or on the internet (no porn of course, I only get to look at them through these because I'm in between jobs and not looking for one at the moment, and I very rarely go out of the house), even if they're not that attractive I feel very warm, and "happy" for the time I can look at them, I feel my body flood with feel-good substances. I also have had a very intense recurring thought (more of a strong, insatiable urge) of holding a "ghost" woman ("Ghost" as in undefined; any woman) by the hips, close to me. As I said for most of my life women where just "there", I derived no feelings from them.

    Is this a sign that my brain is finally rewiring after all this time? (There is very good evidence that young men whose most of their early sexual experiences come from porn take a lot longer to recover, up to two years). It has been over a year since I started my reboot. Can you guys with a similar background tell me your experiences?
     

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