Seperated from my wife

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Vendettana, Aug 1, 2019.

  1. Hey guys, I'm three weeks in to NoFap, no masturbation, no porn.
    and involuntarily no orgasm because I am currently separated from my wife.
    We married in mai, than I had to leave the country and I am currently looking for a new job or something. Then and only then will she be able to rejoin me and we will be together again.

    It is summer here, each time I am in downtown I see those beautiful women, it is so incredibly hard to resist. I must admit, it is just a matter of luck, that no occasion has presented itself to have some affair with one of them. If that occasion arises... I am not sure if I could resist, especially because some women are sooo beautiful and my wife would never now. I am interested in a quite specific type of women and when I see one like that, it is so incredible. Last time I was sitting in front of a beautiful woman in the subway and I was seriously thinking about hiding this ring on my finger. I feel ashamed of myself, because my wife does not deserve that I don't want to hurt her.

    I hope I can change the situation fast so that she can rejoin me and that challenge will go away.
     
  2. Only you can decide how you will act. If you follow through on this intention, no one will know. Except you. And that knowledge will haunt you the rest of your life with your wife. It will sour that relationship, and your wife will not even know why.

    Or you can commit to your wife and forsake all others. This will strengthen your bond, even while you are apart. You will also carry that knowledge with you for the rest of your life with her. It will cause the relationship to grow ever deeper, as you know beyond a shadow of a doubt exactly what kind of man you are.

    The choice is yours.
     
  3. your wife will most definitely know. Your entire aura will change. If you go down that road once and “get away with it” it will more than likely keep happening.
    Hiding your ring isn’t really an issue... strangely enough, most women find married men to be more attractive anyways. If you want to hide the ring and pretend your single what does that accomplish? You’ve now lied to the lady you’re interested in, which is disrespectful to yourself and her.

    If you’re on the subway and you see s man across from you hide his ring- do you respect that man? Or do you feel sorry for him?
     
  4. chesterkeen

    chesterkeen Fapstronaut

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    control yourself dude...if you truly love your wife, no matter whether she is there or not, you would not betray her trust...just think how you feel if she cheats on you? horrible, right?
     
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  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I apologize, but what kind of thread is this? You are married but the only thing that takes for you to have an affair is another woman approaching you? And what is that about "she will never know"? That means you would do it as many times you wanted if you had a way of she never finding out?

    Dude, be a man and do the right thing.
     
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  6. Very Short term pleasure followed by immediate regret and self hate..feeling forever ashamed by the secret you're hiding from your wife that will eventually ruin your relationship
    Vs
    Long term stable relationship with the woman that loves you which will keep you feeling emotionally and mentally fullfilled and living peacefully with her as you two grow together and have your children to live a beautiful life
    It's a war between pleasure and love..whatever you encourage will win in the end
    Be wise, my friend..and don't surrender to lust, it ain't worth it
     
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  7. 12&6

    12&6 Fapstronaut

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    I have seen both sides of this. Ive been cheated on and been in your shoes. Ive also experienced painful isolation from the woman I loved. It still hurts in strange ways even though we are no longer.There wasnt much that I didnt do for her and what I wouldnt have done to get back to her physically at those times. THAT ALONE SHOULD BE YOUR ANSWER.....focus. Its a long game. Im assuming your girl isnt "business" about your relationship- so therefore, play for your team. Its a lonely life if you dont and frankly youll always be chasing loose ends. You have someone- a battle buddy. An that IS as good as it gets. Keep focused brother. Sounds like you have a great girl.
     
  8. Thank you all for getting back to this post. A couple of weeks / months have passed. I am still waiting for my wife to join me. And when she can get here depends on how quick I get my stuff done and get a new job. And this... well does not only depend on me. I hate it when I cannot control and plan how things will be.

    In the beginning I was attracted by other women, but somehow, 90+ days of no PMO have passed and all those urges are attenuated (maybe it's also because the summer is over). I feel like I could never cheat on her.
    I still worry, that this separation is too long. it's not doing our relationship any good, I can imagine. And yeah, she is great.
     
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  9. 12&6

    12&6 Fapstronaut

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    Its been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I feel that can be true but in my experience I find it a need to revist,rebuild and make known very certain and from the moment you re connect your feelings and love. Show this through actions not just words and do so in the long game. Let her know. Ask her how she feels. If it has affected her as well. Its commitment. I know a pain called remorse,and a pain called love but one is sweeter than the other and leaves a much far greater beauty mark. I feel- or belive- our partners are extensions and accents of ourselves and therefore we a bit of them. Its neither one way or the other. The tighter the unit-they almost have telepathy. One thing I feel strongly about is that all my relationships I have been in have been un regretted. While some have been unfortunate possibly lol I have learned and harbor no ill will. It has allowed me to grow and value that much more the role of someone who joins me,for me...and whom I join with in committment. Its beautiful in a simple design. No man made BS can touch it. Its defined different by each differently but in my sense it has allowed me to define a true value by going through something much like your variables. Its ironic that something so valuable should be describes as priceless. We try to put a value on everything. Value what you have my friend. A good healthy relationship is much like a campfire. Tend to it,from it comes the bounty of really all things if you think about it. Youll know its value-when its gone.
     
  10. Fifth Horseman

    Fifth Horseman Fapstronaut

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    Fella, my own story may be instructive. A number of years back I received a preliminary diagnosis (from two renowned doctors) that I had a disease that would kill me in about five years. I scheduled a confirming exploratory surgery. The night before the surgery my wife and I stayed in a hotel room near the hospital to be on time for the scheduled surgery. That night, my wife and I held each other and all I could think of was how much I regretted anything I had ever done to hurt or betray her. I didn’t want to leave the earth with the guilt (I’m an atheist, it wasn’t a religious thing). The shocking result of the surgery was that the diagnosis was wrong and I would be fine over time. I still regret doing what I have done that constituted betrayals over the years but I am thankful for that night of clarity and forever grateful to have found and stayed with the perfect woman. Bottom line, don’t punish yourself by doing something you will always regret.
     
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