Sruck between wanting and not wanting to quit?

It is your brain that is tricking you. Now do what I say, think for about half an hour if P has done you good in anyways, what effect it had on your career, your sleep, your relationship, and your mental health. Did it improve the things which I said, if not then it is pretty clear that the demon is playing its game. The only way to get rid of this "confusion" is to educate yourself as much as you can about the harmful effect of watching P on mind, body, and soul. The most I recommend is Fight The New Drug, read articles about the effects every day.

 

P gives a huge rush of dopamine. It's like cocaine. It would be tough to stop it without any replacement. I've started cooking, gardening, and therapy.

 

I think you need a proper reason to quit. "Forcing it" will only get you so far, no one can resist the intrusive thoughts forever. You need an air tight motivation, something that your brain can't bypass, it can't trick you into relapsing.

 

All the users who are here have a strong reason to come here, but their brains aren't able to cultivate that thought.

 

You're right, even though not everyone can articulate exactly why. I still think it's important to have that reason very clearly defined.

 

I have this exact feeling during urges and in that moment it seems amazing but I've started to realise it's my brain tricking me into relapsing, after which I will start disliking it again and feeling bad of course.

 

Just remember this, you don't lose anything by quitting PMO.

But tell me, is it really in your heart to PMO. Do you really like doing it? Because, if you have the slightest thought of liking PMO, quitting is going to be hard. It's not in your heart. It's solely in your mind. I'm not going to talk about the dopamine and stuff because I know you know it. Just think about it rationally and you'll find your answer. Good luck mate.

 

This is an interesting assertion and I feel it points to something important, at least in my experience. I do find it difficult to cultivate - great word choice! - a strong and consistent sense of no-pmo motivation. Does this mean I can't that I am unable to?

I'm going to treat this as an open question for now. Perhaps more importantly, I'm going to treat this as encouragement to practice the cultivation of strong motivation. Not even strong motivation - just motivation. Because yes, as always ready noted, I struggle with consistency in this department.