STOP BEING A SELF IMPROVEMENT JUNKIE

Calculas · Apr 18, 2017

SunDrew said: ↑

Earlier today I received some notifications of people that read posts about the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do by Amy Morin. Those posts were old (almost a couple years old) and I decided to go back through and read my old posts. It became more and more apparent that I have not changed that much in the last couple years. Yes, I may have accrued some more knowledge and wisdom but I am basically in the same place in my life mentally as I was back then.

Last year, I got a new job. I always thought that if I just had a job that paid enough for me not to feel financially suffocated then I would be happy. Voila, the job came along last year and I am not happier. In fact, I am more frustrated. I still have struggled to quit porn even after over two years. It's been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do but I know it will be worth it.

Truth is, I don't think I have really put any effort into it.

I have become a self improvement junkie. Instead of actually practicing self improvement, I have been reading books and listening to podcasts about self improvement. Mental masturbation as some people call it. I read these books and listen to these podcasts like the principles of them will absorb into me like osmosis. I hope that all of the sudden I will have that "a-ha" moment and my life will change. My subconscious mind thinks:

"NoFap will be easy after this."

"I read the right book now."

"This book finally was the great break-through that I needed. Life will be a piece of cake."

It's not that I actually tell this language to myself but I know that a part of me believes it. I think it's kind of like a "shotgun effect." Most of the principles will not hit me but one of them will. It encourages me to move on and buy the next book that will change my life. Even though my life hasn't changed at all.

I have come to realize that it is important to just take 1 or 2 books that you think have good principles and try to master them. I'm going to try to master the principles of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do.

Nothing in life that is worth having will come easy. I have been on cruise control for too long. During my senior year of high school my father passed away from cancer. Ever since then, I really have not been the same person, although I like to think the contrary. I used to be a driven and motivated human being. I would wake up at 4:30/5am to workout in the morning. Now I barely can get out of bed at 6am.

The last thing that I really feel like I earned was my starting position and being team captain on my football team. Everything else, I feel like I have half assed. I half assed my way into college and through college. I didn't really work that hard to get through a lot of my classes in college. If a class was too "tough" I would generally get by. I didn't pour myself into it. I have become a bratty entitled kid. I have been expecting things in the world to happen for me instead of me doing anything for the world.

In college, I got involved in theater by accident from an acting class elective. I half assed my audition, forgot my lines and because someone quit, I got a role in my first play. I didn't really do anything outside of rehearsal to prepare for the play. Four plays later and two lead roles, I made some good performances. However, none of them I felt like I really poured myself into. I'm ashamed to say it.

This is very tough for me to write because no one wants to admit any of this. People would congratulate you on and say how great you are and all I want to say is, "NO."

There's a part of me that knows I could have put more into this. Maybe that's why I want to write a memoir about my father. It is something that I can put my whole self into. There has only been a handful of times in my life where I have pushed myself to the limit and poured myself into something and it almost always turns out well.

MAYBE PART OF THIS IS FEAR?

I think fear plays a huge part in not being able to push yourself. It's the fear of not being good enough. As human beings, we always fear the unknown but sometimes we can use the unknown as a protective mechanism from pushing ourself.

-Whenever I fuck around in my diet I just say to myself, "I can try harder later."
-Whenever I fuck off on my workout I say, "I can try harder tomorrow."
-Whenever I fuck off from writing I say, "I can write more tomorrow and try harder."

We don't want to push ourselves because it is scary. What if I pour everything I have into NoFap and still fail? What if I put everything I have into this memoir and it is terrible?

This is the ego talking. Our ego wants to protect us from this kind of failure at all costs. If I write a book that bombs and I half ass it the ego can tell you, "you could have done a little more. That's why it bombed. It has nothing to do with you."

What if I put all this effort into my dreams and they crumble? I ask myself this, "is it better to fail faster and put 100% in and be able to move on or would you rather half ass it and life with that burden for the rest of your life?" I choose the former.

I am absolutely sick of the same routine over and over again. My life is flashing before my very eyes and I'm missing the best parts. It's time to put the effort into it. It's time to change my life and actually put it into practice.

Wisdom is not in the knowing. If wisdom was knowing then it would be a fact just like gravity. Wisdom is putting the life philosophy into practice and you cannot sum that up with words, only energy.
Click to expand...

First of all you are a good writer. (Really I read whole post sincerely this time)

Secondly, you might be feeling sorry for yourself since your father expired , and its totally normal initially to expect the world to do for you in such situation. However you arent out of that situation. This time try something new. Stop reading/ viewing motivational videos because i feel that you already know enough now and you are wasting time. Dont rush into things select two things to improve like
1) Workout in morning.
2) NoPMO.
Because you already have a job so you dont need to rush into things. Just keep calm and focus on yourself.

I hope that helps. Good luck m8!

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STOP BEING A SELF IMPROVEMENT JUNKIE

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