The addiction is killing me

Please read my last posts

Never let anyone tell you that it's hard and impossible to stop PMOing.

The only reason we PMO is brainwashing, you need to step out of the matrix. Believe me, it is possible to quit PMOing without any willpower.

As I said, please read my last posts here, I really think it will help you.

 

I know your struggling and maybe nothing I say can help - but You went 50 days clean! You did it before that means you can do it again..focus on what you did accomplish. That was 50 days clean! That is something some of us have not been able to do in over 10 years. I've found the relapse after being clean for a long time is sometimes more severe/longer...so it isn't your fault. But I do know you have already shown you have what it takes to beat this.

 

I've read many books on addiction and willpower. They're all a little different and sometimes contradictory.

The one I would like to share with you today rhymes with lemon squeezy and has the initials E.P. Its name is censored from this website - I don't know why and I've reached out to the support address with no response yet.

Anyway, some points from the book relevant to what you said:

• Porn is a more like a drug addiction than a bad habit and should be treated as such
• If you could ask any addict if they could go back in time and never take their first peek the answer would emphatically be yes
• Every addiction started with "just a peek", we never knew that we were getting into an addiction for life that involved endless time spent and more and more revolting material
  
• Additionally, we had to learn to enjoy the material as it went against our normal sensitivity. Similar to how a heroin addict may enjoy sticking in a needle and getting their fix - the act of sticking a needle into our body is something a non-user rightfully finds revolting
• Just like a drug user, the drug merely resolves the feeling of discomfort caused by not taking the drug. All it does it get you to a similar state to where you would be without ever being a user in the first place.

But the good news:

• The chemical withdrawals do last for three or so weeks, but they are relatively mild, similar to a feeling of hunger. You've made it to 50 days clean so you've already experienced what it's like to be free of mild withdrawals
  
• There is zero benefit to using pornography. You're not giving up anything by stopping.
• You don't have to use ever again. Celebrate and rejoice!

Because you shared The Prayer I'm assuming you are a Christian. Consider what Jesus said to the sinful woman (John 7:36-48) "Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much [...] Thy faith hath saved thee; go in peace."

Spoiler: Dramatic Reenactment

Jump to 3:21:46

Now you too, go in peace and sin no more

Wishing you the best brother.