Yeah, I've started to do a similar thing. I tell myself that I'm not the kind of person who watches porn when I feel a strong urge. It makes sense to me because the idea of "quitting porn" brings along ideas of struggle and relapse and it's easier to find excuses with that mindset. An identity shift is more resilient. Maybe it's a bit like the "Do or do not. There is no try." wisdom from our favourite green alien.
Day 1, I feel like in a loop, I know what I have to do, I know why I have to do it, yet, stress and anxiety get the worst of me and I relapse. That's the approach I'm about to get, it was the approach that helped me stop other addictions, with this one I really not comprehend why I do resist to switch to that mindset, knowing it works and it's the way....weird..
Recently crossed my day two mark, still reading the atomic habit. Great Book. Also been rewatching some of the Star Wars movies, paying allot more attention to Yoda after what Marcus A. had commented on in a previous post. One particular quote from Yoda was “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” That is some pretty heavy stuff when you think about addiction and how that might apply. Generally I use porn when I'm stressed out, in pain. Definitely dark side stuff. When you connect everything together Fear-anger-hate-suffering-porn. Definitely causes the wheels in my head to turn.
Yesterday's Check-In Rank 117 Jedi Council Member Today's Check-In Rank 118 Jedi Council Member May The Force Be With You!
I relapsed last night. I went into a chatroom and masturbated, I orgasmed once. I'm gutted. I did not take responsibility, I behaved like my old self and I'm disappointed. New start Youngling
Day 22 Padawan Checking in. School is an absolute stresser right now, I have so much to recap and revise being a student after being out of school for so long is definitely hard. All this work is keeping me occupied and away from fapping so hurrah!
Day 0: I relapsed. I fought hard today, but the urges just kept coming. When I went to bed and porn was still on my mind, I didn't have it in me to fight anymore, so I relented. Tomorrow will be a fresh start.
