There are times when I feel I could slip at any minute. I need to keep doing the work every day. I just don’t think I’m ever going to be 100% healed but that’s ok.
I notice that a fall begins with a few slips... looking at Instagram profiles of cute girls or boys online or whatever flavor of poison usually works for you... "harmless stuff" to start. Your mind will justify it, "it wasn't a full slip, i'm still good". Then you are at it the next day... it comes gradually and It follows your usual patterns. Then comes the fall. And you reset. Then the relapse and the relapse loop. Until you come to your senses again or fall into that shit mood. At least that's how it works for me. Day 14 as an Uruk-Hai, complete! Today I am a Hobbit! @RiseToGreatness The journey begins. The urges continue and I keep fighting!
Day 0 MOd twice today. Been very depressed and lonely. Longing for companionship. I want to find somebody to be with, to spend my time with. I feel a bit more hopeful on that front. But I want to find a way forward through this depression for now. I am making plans to go on holiday soon. It will do me a lot of good. I don't like MOing. It makes me feel like I can't trust anyone because I know I am hiding things myself. I miss when I was younger and I found it so easy and natural to trust and relate with others. Of course, the difficult thing is that then your trust gets broken and you get heartbroken. But I'd still rather live trusting people and risking having it broken than always doubting yourself and others. It's no way to live and it's tearing me apart. Holiday would do me good, and some counselling. Keep doing what y'all are doing.
I became a grey wizard earlier, but then relapsed and have been struggling since then. But now is the time to get back on track and enjoy the honor and blessing of being among the fellowship again. Good luck to all others on this forum. Never give up Check in day 0.
Good day fellas! 16 days, so that makes me a hobbit already The last days were kinda turbulent. I'm tempted to feel overwhelmend, but I am avoiding self pitty, since it helps nothing and it's also the start of getting into the things that will lead me to PMO. I want to mention two quotes from you about that which striked me: Indeed we don't just fall, we actually go falling until we're broken on the ground. I realised that those pics that I saw weren't indeed a relapse, but it was a start of one. Thankfully I managed to get out of that, even though I had sinned, which I reppented. But it was good for me to remeber how easy it is to go from feeling awsomely good to being destroyed for have relapsed again. And I'm sure I would hate to be in that place right now. @Ready to Stop Man, I haven't reached what you had, but here goes some thoughts that may help you: We'll never get free from temptation. We might get free from the addiction, which imprioson us in a place without the power to overcome it. Even the Word of God says: "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36 But it also says: "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall" 1 Corinthians 10:12 I know it is personal to define if we're standig or not, but the fruits you bear are those of someone that really is, they're the fruits of a free one (actually, everyone that is in Christ is already free, because of His power, but some of us struggle with ourselver to just let go and give Him the exclusive lordship of our lives). You are indeed free, you just have to take heart and keep the fear of the Lord to hold standing. You know the darkest part of you heart and the dirtiest of its intentions, yet also does the Lord. But if you keep it humble, the Lord will keep operating freely in you, giving you the power that you need to overcame temptation. "My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise." Psalms 51:17 "But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” James 4:6 I decided to share it publicly so that everyone might also receive something out of this. These words are powerful and have been helping me a lot in those days, I hope it also help all of you too. God bless, brothers!
Checking in my friends!! Just a quick check to say everything is allright. Feeling solid and following my reboot procedure. Going back to work now Have a great day. Love you
Congrats me brothers, I'm now a happy member of the great Orck army! Dopamine detox - done Cold shower - done Talk with my truly self - done Talk with my porn subpersonality - done Today I had no urges whatsoever. This is usual for me after relapse. Almost always first several weeks are quite easy for me but the real struggle begins after around one month of the NoFAP Since I'm trying to minimize artificial dopamine as much as possible I have a lot of time which I'm usually spend by doing productive work / learning something / reading the book Also since my previous streak was a solid one, I don't feel much consequences of the relapse. I have a slight decrease in the overall confidence and I'm feeling a little bit fragile. How are you guys doing? Can someone recommend a good online course for helping me with the reboot?
Day 7, woot! One week clean. Feels weird but proud of myself. Urges aren't bad today which is a blessing.
Day 3. Today because of some work that i was doing, I started thinking about how many bad decisions I can make when I'm under PMO as an slave and as well thinking on all the clarity and brightness of the mind when I'm free of it , I cannot stay with some sad feelings about that reflections but instead feelings of personal encouragment to be better everyday with the help of God.
Day 159 Today has been slightly easier, still significantly troubled by urges but nowhere near as bad as they were yesterday. I realised today that a lot of my ‘desire’ to relapse is really a desire to feel needed; to be in a relationship, to be known and loved - things that cannot be found in PMO. I’m growing closer to my friends around me, but to some extent I still feel deeply alone.
1 Day Complete... Orc status achieved / The journey has begun. Have come so far in the last few years from breaking my streak every few hours to every few weeks and sometimes months. Want to do my best and reach the end. Believe it is possible.
What do you mean by saying 100% healed. You are a man and having sexual desires is normal. I think that you should forget that PM exists to not crave it. Other than that I think that you can change the way you look at women to see them not as objects of satisfaction and that I would call healing.
