The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 5.
Today is going to be a difficult day as I am home alone. I must keep myself occupied and busy all the time otherwise as soon as I pause or boredom creeps in then my mindset can shift.
I have a list of stuff from making tea, coffee, exercises, walking, wrapping presents to distract me if these urges come along.

 

Nocturnal emissions - think my body is self medicating its pain - need to be careful now due to the chase but reminding myself that it is done so zero physical need for O, it is all mental. Upside is that it looks like I am getting to Christmas as a warrior - Thanks be to God most high!

 

Back again from a period of abscence. Always delighted there is this place to return to and embrace fellow brothers in the same battle.

Hope you all are doing well and have good holidays. It's good to be back!

Day 1 - Hobbit, The Shire

 

Relapsed back to day 1

 

Salutations Fellowship
Day 3 joyfully!

I’m in my parents city to the holidays and at home with my family I get a lot of work to do (housework). But I would mention a fact that made me well yesterday: I went out with my parents to visit some old friends of them. What made me well was seeing the happiness of the old people living alone in big empty houses. They got help with our visit and I got happy seeing their happiness. It was indescribable.

What I’ve learned: when I visit people in need I realize I’m not the only person in the world with problems. Someway it helps me to stop looking for pleasure (dopamine)

In my way escaping to the PMO forces heading to Buckleburry Ferry I’ve heard you guys encouraging me!
So thank you @Redemptionisrequired, I’ll try to be more comprehensive to myself

Thank you @PeaceOnEarth108 for the text because I heard someone saying that read about P damages keep us vigilant

Let us keep our journey, Venerable Fellowship.
Best regards

 

Nice number. Good job!

 

Day 2

I realized I have to take take up full responsibility for my actions. As I see it now, porn addiction is nothing I need to adress in particular all the time. It is just the most sticking, haunting, disgusting, secret habit I have. But I have other bad habits too. Or rather p.a. is actually a bundle of bad habits connected to other bundles of bad habits.
So what I need to do is to kick my own ass and do more of the things I know I should do on every single day. Less of the things I shouldn't do and none of the things that I know are out of question. PMO is a no go.

Of course this is a process and even if I give everything it might only be 20% or so of my real potential. It's all a question of training, reinforcement and repetition.

But I can't tolerate that I get into a state of complete laziness and unhealthy behavior, even if it hasn't to do anything with pmo (but will probably lead to it).

Simply stated, I can't let myself do what, through habituation, I "want". Instead I have to be the forward-looking, strict and ambitious leader and teacher for myself.

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

163 Days Free of PMO

The plan for today is similar, exposure, workout, meditation, reading and rest. I am gradually trying to get up a bit earlier, I want to get to a point where I was in the past waking up quite early and working out by 6:00 am. With any goal, small steps must be taken for a solid base. I have been upping my wake time by 10 mins every week or 2.

My mood overall is okay, there is certain anger that arises at specific moments and certain anxiety as well. I am trying my best to just observe and not resist. I'm trying to discover the root cause of these issues, as well as let it go. I have held on to certain things for a long time, never really knowing that I was accumulating things with time(addiction thrives in this environment of course).

I wish you a wonderful day brothers.

Stay Strong!



@PeaceOnEarth108 Thank you for sharing that post brother, it has a lot of truth in it.

@crazyhorse11 That's right brother, you are a warrior. Do not forget, complacency in the habits that brought you forward is what may lead you towards a relapse. You are also right in saying that your body was likely self-medicating, perhaps stress or an obstacle you are going through at the moment. Do your best !

@Paul S. Well done on tackling things, regardless of how you felt brother. See this as a win.

 

Day 239
I'm struggling with some new challenges. After leaving my home, I have been stayed in the boarding place for two weeks. But People in the Boarding place was a huge problem for me. Because their sound was too loud. I couldn't sleep at night. Any way I will go home tomorrow. Good luck brothers

 

Hi Banki Hanma! What is a boarding place?

 

44,45 days

 

Day 21 (3 weeks!)

out of nowhere, I’ve been filled with fantasies/temptations/urges ( mainly stronger fantasies out of my control ) to act and all that, etc. last night and up to now this morning. I think my system is getting mad that I’ve abstained this long now. Thankfully I haven’t had any PMO offsets/give-ins ( I didn’t intend to ), and I’m still going strong! Sometimes I have to remind myself that those uncontrollable fantasy moments are not relapses, and I’m still going strong!

stay strong fellowship!

2:30 PM Edit: I made some realizations that PMO brought an onslaught/introduced so many other horrible things into my life. I changed a lot of stuff, wrote about that, and now I feel clean and clear with myself, and what I want to be making/doing with my life AS myself - not as the persona porn built of me!

 

25 days
Middle urges yesterday. I saw some nofap motivations video to mantain and remember why I'm doing this. Just to remember me how good I'm doing without porn.
Today I worked out and took a cold shower.
Keep strong my brothers.

 

Day 0

 

Greetings @Redemptionisrequired and @PeaceOnEarth108 ! I'm glad to be a part of this challenge

my urges and addictive thoughts

I noticed it's actually not difficult for me, to resist urges as long as they are just feelings and inner pictures and NOT thoughts. These are my base urges and they're located somewhere in my abdomen, most of the time. It just a feeling there, some unquietness. Besides the feeling there's also much energy involved. Urges are like a form of energy combined with the wish to put this energy into the addictive behaviors.
So as long as I'm a little mindful it's easy to endure these urges, feel them, breath. And often I even feel good when I do this and they always fade quickly.
What breaks my neck though are the thoughts that come up. The idea of relapse and the many arguments of the deceiving voice of addiction.
The urges alone wouldn't be much of a problem if it wasn't for these thoughts ...

 

Day 2.

 

Day 8

Still going strong. This will be a good streak.

I converted my computer desk into a standing desk. Also getting my Nintendo Switch set up.

 

I had an undesired experience this morning. Out of hand, uninvited, strong fantasies that just didn’t stop. I felt like I was on a roller coaster. I didn’t have the thought of acting out on P, it was something else…anyways,... But, when I finally got things under control, then I was feeling the urge to look at P.

This is a pattern of me relapsing. This uninvited, seemingly unstoppable train of fantasy is like the “grooming” stage, if you may, that the addict part of my brain uses to get me to think that, everything is already bleeped up, might as well just do it.

I used to be unforgiving towards myself whenever I had such a morning. And the day often ended with a relapse. But, now, I know how much forgiveness can heal.

@Shaggyisdeaf I can relate pretty well to you. I have had such experiences. Being patient will help. And not beating yourself up will help even more. I appreciate how well you’re going, and wish you and we all fully heal.




Good day everybody!

 

3 days – PMO forces have spotted you!! With haste you use the Bucklebury Ferry to cross the Brandywine river.

welcome back @Rubzi

 

Tnks bro.