Clearly, I'm forgetting myself. I'm starting to use when I feel bad without giving it much thought. I really need to go back to basics and bolster my commitment and understanding of what I'm dealing with.
Day three.. 3 I really hope this is the last time I am orc... Seriously.. Today i could feel pain in my head. I cried.. I was feeling huge depression attack, restlessness, brain fog.. It was so bad.. But i did one good thing I recorded myself. So the next time I feel relapsing after long streak especially near 19,20 I will listen to my crying audio I made in depression attack.. These voice recording would be like panic button... I really recommend you to try this tip.. Other than that my routines and productivity are low rock bottom. But it is expected in first 3 days.. In this streak I binged less just 3 days so progress.. I just hope never to b an orc again. Here are some tips from Universal man : Copied from reboot regimen Your emotional mind has a lot of power, but it's not always the smartest. Its power is that it controls the main neurochemicals that are responsible for all your core emotions and feelings (dopamine, serotonin, endorphin, oxytocin, cortisol etc.). Its shortcoming is that it lacks the machinery for higher level rational thinking and relies heavily on instinct and conditioning. If you've got a history of regular PMO, both instinct and conditioning are working against your best interest. Your instincts have trouble telling the difference between porn and a real sexual experience. Your conditioning has proven to you that porn is a path to intense pleasure and release. Because of this, your emotional mind will constantly be sending emotional messages that essentially say, "Hey, you know what would be great right now? Porn. Porn would be so good for us, we should probably go masturbate to some immediately so we can feel fantastic." We call these messages "cravings." If you allow these cravings to pass unchallenged through your mind and control your actions, then you will keep using porn. RATIONAL DECISION MAKING This is where the second party comes in. The solution to overcoming these emotional cravings is to engage your rational faculty - your intellect. You can think of a craving arising in your emotional self, but ultimately you want it to pass through and be directed by your rational self. Your rational self is kind of like an airport or train terminal. It can reroute the flow of energy so that you change direction from your immediate emotional impulse and instead take an action that is better for you in the long term than watching porn. As far as I can understand, these two parts of you utilize distinct parts of your brain. Your emotional self is tied to your limbic system and your rational self is tied to your prefrontal cortex. The trick then is learning how to get that rational part to kick in when the emotional part is firing off a porn craving. The way we will accomplish this is through self-talk. Self-talk here refers to an internal conversation where your emotional and rational selves communicate with each other. Self-talk is the habit of firing your pre-frontal cortex to help guide and analyze your emotional impulses. The goal is to establish your rational self as the leader and friend of your emotional self, so that you can healthily respond to your emotional realities and improve your decision making when you are craving. What you practice you will improve. If our goal is to have your rational mind show up and lead your emotional mind in the moments of craving, we need to train it to step up and speak the truth so that you have more than porn-induced cravings present to direct you. Self-talk is a skill, and sadly it's unlikely that you were taught this skill in school. What we are going to do now is break down the act of self-talk into its specific pieces so they can be learned and mastered. Ultimately you will want to be able to engage in natural, fluid, spontaneous and productive self-talk in your own head whenever you need it. However, this skill takes considerable time and effort to achieve. Because of this, at first it will be most beneficial for you to be structured in your self-talk practice. The following will break down a simple self-talk ritual that you can practice daily to begin building the connection between your rational and emotional faculties. RITUAL OVERVIEW There are five steps to the self-talk ritual (technically the first one can be split off into its own discipline, but I recommend keeping them together). 1. Ground: Tune into your body and relax your musculature 2. Connect: Be present non-judgmentally with your emotions 3. Translate: Put the main emotional threads into words 4. Respond: Let your rational mind respond to these words with truth, friendship, and leadership 5. Repeat (optional)
No you are not. You are Fighter for life! You can do it. And you can have your succes story. Day will pass and you will forget abouth this. There are ways to beat all of this and you will finde it!
Try to pass one day without phone, PC and TV. You will be a lot better, I assure you. At first it´s hard, but you will like it more and more.
Day 12 Had to put my 18-year-old cat down today, so feeling bummed out, but I am motivated to keep clean and make it past Sunday and 2 weeks. Best, Mathman1994
Day 12. Went for a big hike yesterday and was just a really good time to be by myself. As each day goes by I just try to be better than yesterday. Just focused on the long term goals now.