Hello Everyone, After years and years of so much pain, sadness, anxiety, depression, ADHD, bipolar disorder, and more, I have finally come to realize where the root of it all started. Just at a simple click of a button. I have a beautiful loving and caring girlfriend. We just moved in together a few months ago with a beautiful lake in our backyard. We now have a handsome bulldog. But sadly, even this has not cured any of those diagnosis's. I had the world at my fingertips. Football/basketball/lacrosse player in HS and lacrosse for part part of college, but I never felt fulfilled. Now I know why. I saw therapists/doctors/been in and out of psych hospitals trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I remember a Doctor telling me at one point that he was unsure of my diagnosis. He did not want to say bipolar due to it being too extreme, and not depression because a lot of people had much more serious issues than me. Little did he know what was going on in my head. I have been so quiet about this addiction because I did not believe it was true. It couldn't be an actual addiction. I would be pathetic in saying web caming and porn could be an addiction. Little did I know what was going on in MY head. I have blown money away that I don't have. I have said "just this last time" way too many times. And I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a lost soul. I am tired of the routine and road I am going down. I want to live. I want to know what feelings are again. I want to be proud of myself for something I overcame. I have quit and tapped out of so many things in my life. I want to be an adult. I feel as though I am living this life of just being a kid. I can't be Peter Pan my whole life. I'm ready to take the next step to becoming a new person. A person I know I can and should be. I feel as though I have so much potential and I can't imagine what life will be like when I kick this stupid addiction that has ruined my life for far too long. If anyone reading this can give me hope and advice on how to do this, I would greatly appreciate it. I know this is going to be extremely difficult, but if I don't do this now, I will lose those who love me that should really see how much I love them. Thank you
Welcome! I'm glad you're here. Yes, it will be hard, but it isn't beyond reach. Lots of things we do in life can be really hard -- losing weight, stopping smoking, going to school at night -- but we do them. You can do this. My advice is to take the time you've spent on porn, and instead begin spending, at least some of it, on learning about this addiction, and how your brain works when it's on porn, and how to leave this behind. This site is one resource, a great one. Take the time, get informed, and reach out to people; interact; learn. Don't be afraid to ask questions. At the end of this post is a link, "what's working" for me; others here have their own stories.
