The REASONS why I'm quiting this site.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by AC81, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. AC81

    AC81 Banned

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    I don't think one can overcome addiction always talking about it.
    I think struggle is dellusion.
    I think this community, full of good people, is unhealthy because we learn to depend on people who have the same obsession than us.
    Actually, we spend our time here thinking about porn, masturbation, sex. I think THIS is the new addiction.
    I think the only moment I feel free from urges is when I'm not on this site, always talking about my dick, my cum, my fantasies, my will, my obsessions.
    I think you're all very brave and committed to the struggle, but I don't think one can win against libido. I think the only way to defeat it is not embrace our sexual desires without letting them killing us. We should be flexible about it. I feel like most people here are too preachy about the way they want to handle abstinence, as if it should be a straight line. This "from now on I'm clean", every psychologists, every member of anonymous addiction group has hear that one thousand times. I just don't believe in it.
    I haven't jerk off for 5 days now and you know what? I DON'T WANT TO CARE about how many fucking days? Isn't this crazy that we're supposed to be free from something and we're counting days? We overthink it. It's not healty. I don't feel the need to jerk off right now, I feel fine and if tomorrow I want to do it, I will, or perhaps in a week or more, when it will come to me. I don't have to think about it and talk to other guys about how many days they haven't jerked and cum.... I'd rather get out, see friends, read, work, watch a movie....

    I had the same kind of problem, with food. I did 100 diets. One day, I decided I would never do a diet anymore. I lost weight. I eat when I am hungry. And I feel fine now.

    I hope some of you will follow that path because I think it's the best thing to do.
    For those who totally disagree with me, I wish them luck and happiness.

    Goodbye!
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2013
  2. Jason2

    Jason2 Guest

    Bye! Best of luck conquering your addiction in your own way!
     
  3. AC81

    AC81 Banned

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    Thank you. Best luck to you too.
     
  4. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    You know I for one agree with a lot of what you say above and the reason I would never do to a 12 step programme is because they keep you 'in the loop' regurgitation and repeating your 'problem' over and over. I know in defence 12 steppers will say they go back to help others by sharing their experiences but the point is I do believe the 12 step process is unhealthy with very low actual success rate (and a virtual monopoly when it comes to group recovery programmes) but if it works for those it does then fair enough.

    But its different strokes for different folks and I know I've been one of the 'preachy' ones (nearly 500 posts in 5 weeks!!;)) but I do it to encourage, help, and support others (and myself!) Its just part of my nature (I originally came on here doing research for my job as I was helping a young man with autism overcome his fixation/addiction with PMO but I quickly realised, like lots of men, I was doing this myself enough to warrent it a problem that I needed/wanted to stop altogether- especially being a 'customer' to the pornography industry as one guy put it)

    I do have an addictive personality though and I have been thinking lately that I do come on here a bit too much at the moment so I'm reviewing that (and most things in my life) for the new year etc. Its all about getting the balance right for most of us I geuess?

    And counting days in the beginning is helpful for some to establish a new habit which is certainly how I'm using it. I just hope you have taken enough information/tools with you whilst you have been here to ensure you are able to successfully change the behaviours you want to long term because ultimately that's what we are all here to do?

    I wish you all the very best with that, and in all other areas of your life.

    Have a fantastic 2014:)
     
  5. AC81

    AC81 Banned

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    Thank you for your nice reply. I totally agree. And if this site helps a lot of people, I'm nobody to judge them or the way it works. I think this is the best way for me to deal with it. But I read very interesting texts from you and others and I learned a lot those last few days so I know I learned something here. I just want to not try too much and live this a little bit more carelessly so I decided to stop counting and stop being obsessed about it. It does not change the fact I decided I would not masturbate every day from now on, and I certainly don't need porn in my life. And if someday I do watch one, at least, I would not have spend weeks or months on porn site, and this is good. It's easier. I think it should be easy and not too painful because life is already hard enough as you all know. And I admire those who have the strength to set such impressive goals in their lives. For instance, you haven't masturbate for 34 days and I find is amazing. Really. If I make it, I'll be glad I think. I won't try hard but I'll give it a shot... (not the other kind of shot lol)
    :)
     
  6. Mark

    Mark Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Well all the very best to you mate and if you are ever finding it difficult you know where we all are, failing that feel free to PM me anytime (if I'm still here;)) or whatever works for you?:)

    If I could leave you with a couple of thoughts it would be 'the price of freedom is eternal vigilance' so stay on your toes mate, and like you said don't 'fight', relax, go with the flow and 'Trust in Allah!!.........but always tie your camel up!;)
     
  7. AC81

    AC81 Banned

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    I will :cool:

    Thank you.
     
  8. William

    William Fapstronaut

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    Thanks AC, good luck on your journey. I had to laugh out loud when I read the post. In a totally respectful way. The frustration of trying to fight this thing can be both totally overwhelming and at the same time absurd. We absurdly did not realized the addictive nature of high speed internet porn, now we are absurdly trying to quit it. I, myself, have many times had that feeling of F*** It. I am quit and I am staying quit, but yeah, it does suck to struggle with it. Sincerely, good luck to you.
     
  9. AC81

    AC81 Banned

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    Thank you. Best wishes ++
     
  10. CBMWT

    CBMWT Fapstronaut

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    From the way it sounds, it looks like you're just giving up the battle. This battle can be won (My best friend hasn't PMO'd in 3 years). If you're deciding to leave this community that is fine but please don't give up the battle. You are going to be enslaved with this vile crap if you just give up, and I don't want that for you as your fellow man.
     
  11. WalshKid

    WalshKid Fapstronaut

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    Hi AC81, I wanted to say that your frustrations with the site are your truth, and it is not my place to dishonor the truth of your experience as you feel it. I also suspect you may not be alone either, but you may have been the only person with the courage to say what you feel, so I honor you for your honesty. If leaving the community is what is good for you at this time, by all means, go for it. However, your post also suggests something else to me that may be a gift wrapped in strange wrapping paper, as one of my favorite authors calls them. As some of us might know, planes are constantly adjusting themselves in the air in order to stay grounded in groundlessness, and community is no different. Perhaps you might be offering to us some kernel that we may need to be mindful of without necessarily dictating what the community ought to be at all times. I'm also one of those people who believes that diversity and community need not be opposites of each other, but in fact mutually constitutive. (I find the NoFap community to be an interesting example of this because we really are a multicultural/racial, multi-class, and multi-sexuality group, each with their own different histories.) That said, I also believe it's also one of many reactions to leave a community because it doesn't fulfill our expectations, expectations that are unique to us because of our own vast and complex life experiences. If I can, I'd like to offer you another possible response to your dilemma. Perhaps you could ask yourself what do you wish the community did more of and how could you initiate that change through small steps? I'm wondering if, perhaps, part of the gift of your transitioning stage for you and for us may also be helping to reform the community from its original mission so that it we are continuously improving :) (My belief is that everyone's individual transition also has the potential to bring unexpected gifts to this great online community. We just have to be aware of what they are and that they may not be what we thought they would be.) One way you could do this is by first starting to build that community first on a smaller level with an accountability partner and perhaps restricting your participation in the forums for now, for they seem to get you in an agitated state, until you are in a place to strategically initiate new conversations that may be in alignment with where you and others in your place may be. You're also welcome to PM me as well to talk more about it. The invite is also open to others who may feel similar to AC81, as I always welcome dialogue with my fellow Fapstronauts in my inbox.
     
  12. DireWolf

    DireWolf Fapstronaut

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    you actually make solid points, and i agree with them, best of luck man!
     
  13. dwillings

    dwillings Fapstronaut

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    Different strokes for different folks I guess. I find the site very helpful.
     
  14. Koleti

    Koleti Fapstronaut

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    AC81 you preach quite alot for some one who doesn't like preaching.
     
  15. You_Can_Do_lt

    You_Can_Do_lt Fapstronaut

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    All the best, AC81. I can definitely relate.And I'll be the first to admit that I've replaced a lot of my addiction with posting and reading posts here, but I'd much rather be doing that than PMO.

    This all seems to be working for me so far. I tried a 12 step program previously and have gotten much better results here, but I know others that need the structure of a 12 step to keep them clean. Like jilted said, different strokes for different folks!

    That being said, I wish you all the best and hope you find happiness on your journey, and find a way thats best for you to manage any PMO addiction that you have.

    Cheers - YCDI
     
  16. AC81

    AC81 Banned

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    OK

    So, first and foremost, I'd like to thank all the guys who sent me a nice private message, I did not think a lot of you would be with me on this, so thank you very much to you all.
    I've been accused of being a troll. I'm not. What I've learn on the internet (we learn so much on the Internet, God Bless it...) is that a troll, most of the time, is someone who does not agree with us. Descrediting someone and calling him a troll just because you don't like what he says is the lowest form of argument.
    If some of you may think I preached, well perhaps I did unintentionally but this was not the purpose.
    I agree a lot with WalshKid. There is not only one path to succeed and beat our addictions, and everybody is, of course, entitle to his opinion.
    I don't think I could change this community and I'm not a leader, I think it's great people have different opinions. But I think the principle of a community talking every day about sex and masturbation is not the healthiest way to deal with one's addiction. Perhaps it is for some of you and if it's the case, I apologize because it has never been my intention to tell you what is good for you. I just know what is good for me. And, yes, I'm giving up the battle because I think it's the only way to win it. I feel fine when I don't have to think of myself as a warrior who have to fight all day long not to touch himself. It's quite funny if you think about it. And I think this is what lacks to this comminity of nice people. Lightness. Frivolity. Life is hard enough and despite my respect for the courage of most of the members here, I think it's easier if we don't feel guilty and blame each other just because perfection is just unreachable. And I'd rather be happy.

    So yes, there's an addiction, I wouldn't have come here if I haven't jacked off like a monkey for the past 10 years but what's the point if I'm still unhappy because it still feels like I'm fighting. It's been a week since I haven't masturbate and I feel fine. I don't feel the need to fight it. If I want to do it I'll do it! And I totally respect people who want to be abstinent. I find it great ! The only indicator that helps is the way you feel about it. As long as abstinence makes you happier than PMO, you should go on with it. But there's a right balance and as far as I'm concerned, I know j.o. 5 times a day was too much. Like I knew eating junk food all day long was too much. Most of the time, our addiction is the sign of something else going wrong with our lives. This is why I've recommended the wonderful movie SHAME by Steve McQueen. It helped me change my perspective about this problem. I've veen better every since and this is why I wanted you all to know about it. But some of you think it's wrong because it has sex scenes and told you all you shouldn't see it. The only think I can say about this is that it was like watching myself in a mirror. It helped. And what I think is preaching is to deny people their right to look at the naked truth. Naked bodies are not the main issue here. We're talking about what is wrong with our lives. Sexuality is nature. We can't escape nature as we can't escape gravity. But we learn to deal with it.

    I don't know the answers to your problems. I know the answers to mine. And I thought I could help some of you. I also know there are some people who just swapped sex addictions for talking about it all day long on the Internet. And I think this is still an addiction. I don't want to be shackled by my struggle if it means I have to suffer.

    More than anything : I will never let any pretentious preachy asshole tell me I should not do this or that because it's rationalization, because he knows better than anyone, because he can't stand the fact people can deal with their problems without doing it "hard mode", because everybody has to suffer a lot to get better, and if someone is not struggling as hard as you, then you want him to because you feel lonely in your struggle . I think it's wrong and sometimes, helping people is telling them they don't have to be in pain all day long to succeed. So, to "the king" and those who complained to the administrator like guestapo collaborators there was a guy who was insulting them by not thinking like them : FUCK YOU. Really :)

    For the rest of you, wish you all the best !

    P.S. Oh, also, I've been accused by a very classy gentleman ( who love to see his wife drown in his cum and who likes to think of himself as a king) not to be able to speak a good english. For I am a stinky french frog, my apologies for this, I just don't know any better. And now I have to buy my bread and my cigarettes or else I'm going to sing sad gay songs about how hard life can be sometimes.

    Happy New Year. Be happy, I'll stay in touch with some of you that wrote me a private message, I'm glad I came here, there are some cool dudes.
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2013
  17. WalshKid

    WalshKid Fapstronaut

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    AC81, you have helped me, more than you know :) You reminded me that 'hard mode' needs to include 'hard laughter.' Maybe I'm wrong, but I have a feeling you are going to go out and create your own sect of Fapstronauts that will have frivolity and lightness at the center, and it is a community that will help others just as much as this one. Stay awesome!
     
  18. AC81

    AC81 Banned

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    lol You're nice WalshKid. We need laughter indeed. I've seen Joseph Gordon Levitt's DON JON yesterday and I had a good laugh. But you can laugh at other things than addiction. For instance:

    A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

    See ya ;)
     
  19. Nemesis

    Nemesis Banned

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    Could not have said it better
     
  20. Blue

    Blue Fapstronaut

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    AC81 and Nemesis are the same person. "Both" are banned for rude, trolling behavior which will not be tolerated. We're here to help each other, not to self-aggrandize and act like a dick.
     

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