The Transition from NOPMO to not using porn - Why & what was my experience?

The Transition from NOPMO to not using porn - Why & what was my experience?
1. WARINIG:
This is not recommend for people who did not reach +90 days nofap or nopmo. This transition could be difficult. Without a strong foundation your progress could be set back. My recommendation is to build a strong foundation, afterwards you could switch if you feel the need.

2. Why I changed:
When I reached 140 days of NOPMO I felt that something was missing. I felt good, happy, confident but a basic need of sexuality was non-existent. The previous 2 years I had purposely withdrawn myself from dating and sex. I wanted to fill the hole inside myself before committing to someone else. This had one disadvantage: because I stopped doing that I had a difficult time with intimacy and sexuality. I could give one need of to myself, sexuality. I had tried the approach of no porn, just fapping in the past. It was fine and I had no consequences. The only negative thing was that I couldn’t control myself and always went back to porn.

I wanted to try this approach again. Before I made the change I wanted to do my research and be sure of the consequences and benefits. My research concluded that there were a lot of positive benefits of fapping. For example: stress release, higher levels of dopamine = higher happiness, better fertility… there were only consequences for overuse. And of course we all know the consequences of porn: wrong image of women, being less interested in women, getting to harder parts of porn, ED, triggering the dopamine system too much & getting immune.

Basically this is what I concluded: porn is bad, masturbation is acceptable if it is done consciously without overuse. The middle path is the way.




WARNING: Remember what I said, first lay the foundation of 90 days nofap. Afterwards you can see what you want to do. If you haven’t reached 90 days, this path could set you back in your progress. Don’t let this be an excuse to relapse.

3. The Rules:
These were my rules, and you can decide these for yourself.
- Try to have no thoughts and only concentrate on the feeling.
- If thoughts are used:

a. NO PORN.
b. NO Thoughts of triggering models or girls you haven’t met.
c. NO Thoughts of things you would be ashamed to do.
d. No more than once a day and if possible +5 days between them.
Never quick, always take your time.
e. Don’t use it to run away from feelings or obligations.
f. First do the work, afterwards the reward.

4. My transition & psychological process:
I’m going to give you an overview of the process. In the beginning I made the rule to fap once every 7 days. The first 2-3 weeks I was able to follow that gaol. After 3 weeks I found myself going back to porn. This was once every 3-4 days. I saw that my nofap time shortened and the times that I went back to porn increased. What I noticed was that I did not really enjoy fapping to porn. It was easy, my brain got totally crazy about it and it was quick. When I watched porn my overall levels of happiness were low. Porn is actually quite boring. And I found myself just closing the screen because it didn’t give me that much.

Every time I watched porn my reaction was to shame myself. I could quickly change that approach. Instead I tried to be nice to myself and forgive myself. And congratulate myself when I closed the window. I tried multiple tactics to stop this behavior, but nothing seemed to work. After two weeks those thoughts would come up “Fuck I’m still a slave to porn, even after 3 years. Maybe addiction is really a sickness.” Luckily mindfulness learned me to not believe every thought that comes into my mind.

After three weeks I decided to take this seriously. I fapped to porn 7 times in 21 days. I wanted to get this number down to zero. I thought about the book “The Power of Habit.” It said that If you could find your habit cycle, you could change your habit.

I started thinking about the process when I reverted to porn. The habit always started the same.



The start of the habit:
I went to a movie website because I wanted to watch a movie or a series. Every time that I went onto the website I remembered that I once saw an adult movie on a similar site.

Cue: So I scrolled down to the bottom of the page. Looking for movies that have tempting scenes.

Routine: I would scroll to a number of pages and get further to other movies websites.

Reward: When I finally found a movie I would get finished or go to porn websites.

The power of habit says that you cannot change a cue but you can change a routine. So I tried to change the routine by doing push-ups when I got triggered. This didn’t really work because I didn’t implement this habit on vacation.

What I noticed was that my routine always started at the same location. My bed. I always started watching movies in my bed. I bought myself a chair (not on purpose) to read, do work and watch movies. Changing this location, was changing my cue. The temptation decreased a lot.

I just implemented closing the screen if I got to tempted. I also refused to scroll down to the bottom. I also tracked my days and became clear on the reasons why I’m doing it porn free.

How to change this:
1. Find your cue. 2. Find your habit and create a new positive habit. 3. Give yourself a different reward after comleting the new habit. For example: a compliment, a good feeling, a healthy snack or other rewards.

Psychological addiction:
You always have two parts of the addiction. The habit (explained above) and the psychological addiction. This is an emotional reason or something you want to get or run away from. I noticed that I reverted to porn the most when I was I didn’t know what useful thing I could do. Or when I didn’t socialize that day. The two messages for me were: do something that you find useful and go out socializing.

A psychologist that I once met told me: In the past we always focused on what was wrong. (in this case why do you fap?) This indicates that something is wrong with the person. But most people are addicted because they want to reach a certain state or feeling. The key is find out what feeling or state you want to achieve and create it without the substance. (In this case feeling useful, relaxed or social, indepentent.)

The useful things I added were: studying, reading books, mediation, training outside with friends, walking the dog, working on my business plan, doing, personal growth exercises, working, …

Questioning:
The third approach I implemented was changing my internal pro's and con's. Jan Geurtz, a who helps people who are addicted said: "When you keep relapsing you still believe that there are positive benefits to the behavior."
I have done this by asking myself "What positive benefits do I think porn has?." I got honest and listed all the benefits I thought porn had. Afterwards I questioned all the so to speak 'positive' benefits'. You do this by asking a counter question. Questioning these believes helped me to detach from this behavior.

It has been 18 days since I watched porn and I didn’t really felt the need since to go back to porn. I think it will stay this way.

5. The effects of porn on my daily life:
For the people who are curious, what was the effect of porn on my life. It didn’t do me much. Maybe I got an hour of bad feelings or some negative thoughts. I have learned to sit them out. This way it don’t really impact me. The porn use didn’t have any effect on my productivity or social skills. It only had an effect on my overall happiness. But this was minimal.

6. The lessons I learned:
a. When you fail to reach a certain goal don’t get upset. Your get a new chance immediately after your failure. Also try to not identify with the negative feelings or thoughts. Those are just the thought you have been thinking for years.

b. Remember in the present moment you are already free. (If you have questions about this drop them)

c. Let go of the porn / fap addict identity. Do not see yourself this way, rather see yourself as person struggling. Who is working on himself.

d. If you are struggling and failing to change. Start changing the underlying process. For example: the psychological addiction or the habit.

e. Get out into the world and make the best of yourself. Don’t wait for being free of your addiction. You have power over yourself, you can do it. It could also have a positive effect on your psychological functioning. Which may result into faster recovery.

7. THE END:
These are the lessons I learned. If you can identify some others feel free to drop them. If you have other questions feel free to drop them.

I hope that you learned something from this. And remember when you fall, always stand up. Have a nice day.
Thomas

8. The future:
In 3 years I’ll be starting my coaching business. I have been into personal growth for about 5 years now and I think that I could help other people get the power of their lives. 3 years is far away, in those 3 years I would to practice with other persons. If you struggling with this addiction and would like some advice or support feel free to contact me. I would love to speak with you on skype or in the message system here. I can use all the practice.

 

Exactly what I have been trying to say. Btw well worded. (hope this is the right word <3 google translate)
And I think that you may have a point by saying that +1 orgasm per week isn't that healthy. I will take this advice into account and will try to make the interval between each session longer.

And thanks for believing in me. Helps me along the way. Peace brother.

Glad that you liked it. Wish you the best!