Truths I haven't told anybody...

Hi everyone
I'm a 23 y/o graduate. This is the first time I tell the truth.

I started masturbating at very young age ( age 4 or 5) I think it begin because I was abused by someone in my family. I was attracted by girls and young teachers in my school time. At age 10 I masturbated in a empty classroom. I had fantasies with good looking teachers. I touched my female classmates inappropriately several times. I was proud of doing that at that time and I fantasized that to masturbate. I kept a good profile around people so no one will think that I was capable of doing these kind of things. In my high school I continued touching more girls. At this time I don't even had an idea of how sex is actually. I misbehaved with my cousin during this time. It continued for years.

I did these things even before I first watch porn. That started at age 14 when I had access to my fathers mobile phone. But that was just pictures. I got high speed internet in my school that time. One day I looked in to some sites and finally watched it. I was disgusted by that. But eventually it became normal. I watched more during the free hours. I even risked watching this when 2 teachers were using computer in my both sides. I was good at typing my regional language so teachers asked me to type their work for them. Each time I was called for typing I watched porn along with typing.

I had no close friends then so nobody knew I was like this. and I was good at speaking so I will talk to many girls and pretend I was a friend. When I have the opportunity to touch them inappropriately I would do that. one day one girl caught me while touching her, but infront of the class I was very decent so even if she tell the truth to her friends they won't believe.

Things went uncontrollable when I went to college. One month before I joined college I went to counselling from a paster. He told me if I continued like this I will be in trouble at college. I made a promise that I will never watch porn and never misbehave. but it never happened.
The only change that happened in college was I kept a record of my victims. when I'm bored in class I will write first letter of my victims and count it. I had good internet connection and I'm free with my mobile. so I keep watching porn daily and masturbated multiple times a day. With my talking I was friend with many people, girls especially. I created situations to touch them, that I can't write here. The count increased day by day. When I left college I had touched almost every girl I was friend with except those who are not good looking. I touched 32 out of 37 in my class.
There is only one time I get caught. Fortunately that girl didn't made a scene.

Each time I did these things I felt guilty but when I have the opportunity I will squeze it. With all these misbehaving I was eventually a friend to no one. I had no close friends and I couldn't tell this to anybody. If I did I will be in deep trouble.

My life is ruined by all these I can't have friends I can't talk to girls freely without thinking pervertly, I can't focus in my studies, I have anger issues, and I think I'm a narcissist.

I tried nofap many times. the longest I go was 8 days. Now I can't even go 2 days straight.
I want to quit all these. Not just porn. all these activities. I don't know what it feels to be normal man.
I share this truth because I think admitting all the things I have done is the first thi​