This is something that I have had to come to terms with a lot over the last 8 months. That my perception of what our relationship looked like vs. her reality of living with an addict for the last 30 years were very different. As to your statement that she probably wouldn't have bothered, I think the fact that you are still together is something you need to consider. Has she had to endure incredible pain and trauma to finally be having the man she wanted in the beginning? Sure, there is no minimizing that. But it is that man, you that she wanted, and you obviously were 'marraige material" because you're still there. She fell in love with you before she knew the full ramifications of what that meant, but her love was/is real and it has only become stronger as it has endured the betayal of your addiction. Continue becoming the man she has always seen in you. Not a perfect man, but one who is facing his giant and fighting for his bride and family against an ever present attack to tear it apart. Be well my friend.