Urges always build up a barrier between me and my wife

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Rebooter85, Jul 19, 2019.

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  1. Rebooter85

    Rebooter85 Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,

    I'm at day 53 and made some good progress but it also was a hell of a ride so far.
    During this 53 days I got more and more closer with her again. Sexual and also from the feelings. But what really annoyes me is, that when I have urges and can't get rid of them soon, I feel that the distance between us is building up again.
    That sucks!
     
  2. TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

    How long where you addicted to porn? I have good news and bad news for you. I'll start with the bad:

    Bad: The urges probably aren't going away very soon. Could take years. The "90 days and I'm cured" is a myth for most people except for the young with a bad habit who haven't yet escalated to full blown addiction. However the "90 days and I've got a handle on this" is a reality. So keep going.

    Good: The more urges you face without succumbing to porn, the greater your confidence will be and over time the weaker the urges will be. This is actually how it is done. It's not "I quit porn and I have no urges, I'm a master, look at me", it's "I quit porn and I can deal with the urges, I'm a hero, look at me". It is the actual dealing with the urges that is recovery.

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
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  3. Us women have a kind of sixth sense. We know when something isn’t right. Are you talking to her about these urges? Or are you leaving her in the dark?
     
  4. TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

    As for distance between the two of you, that will probably ebb and flow for a while. Relationships rocked by revealed secrets that strike at the heart of intimacy do not heal in 90 days. Expect to work on it for a long time and don't expect it to always go in a positive direction. The work you put in here will define your relationship going forward.

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
  5. mikewayne76

    mikewayne76 Fapstronaut

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    I’m with you man. I’ve been there. My PMO addiction destroyed my first marriage because of the distance it created between myself and my first wife and I have to love with that. Remember, you have to try to continue on the course you are on if you want to save your marriage. I believe that PMO addiction and marriage don’t go together. PMO addiction murders a marriage!
     
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  6. mikewayne76

    mikewayne76 Fapstronaut

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    I agree. It’s hard because it’s isso available. People compare porn addiction to alcoholism or drug addiction and even tho I’m not here to debate 5at I will say that it is similar to eating disorders because like food it is so readily available. You can find porn so easily that it can make the urges difficult to defeat. Back when I started with PMO there was no internet, only vhs tapes and magazines. So overcoming the ease of access today makes our struggle s tougher.

    All I can say is stay strong and think about your wife and the love you share. PMO destroyed my first marriage and cost me the chance to have children at a younger age and it cost me a great person who will never be in my life again. She never knew of my PMO addiction or how it destroyed us but I now know it was the biggest factor in destorying our marriage.
     
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