What happened to make you realize you needed help?

My SO was good at keeping his secret. He actually didn't even know it was causing so much problems between us, despite me pointing out his symptoms mirroring porn addiction 2 years ago, he minimized his use and how much he masterbated at that time. A couple of months ago, I discovered some things and would not take no for an answer. It took him a couple of hours of me angrily demanding to know what the truth was, when he finally admitted to his PMO frequency. I lost it on him. I told him that he ruined any chance of us having children bc of his ED and DE and that hit him hard; he never realized that I couldn't get pregnant when he couldn't finish??!! He started reboot that day.

But his rock bottom (and mine) was 2 weeks later, when I still felt he was not being truthful about the things he was viewing. I searched his computer that day and found teen porn titles...I have a teenage daughter (his soon to be step daughter) and I freaked out with fear about the possibility that she was not safe in our home with him. I kicked him out of our house that day. He could not see how the teen content was similar to my own daughter at the time. He left with the understanding that I could never continue a relationship with him bc I am a mother first and need to protect my daughter. He started looking for a counsellor immediately for himself bc he realized that he could never have a healthy relationship with anyone while addicted.

He has changed so much in the past couple of months with the help of therapy, and I myself have changed and been seeing the same counsellor. I have since realized that majority of porn is "teen" content, not making me feel great about it, but the addiction stopped him from correlating the age of those girls with my daughter's age bc it is viewed as "normal" for men to want young women (18 year olds) because of porn standards. He is now seeing that the teen content is wrong, something he still couldn't grasp only a couple of weeks ago. I know he was not looking at my daughter in a sexual way, I've always known that, but it scared the shit out of me that day when I found those searches.

We are working together very well and our relationship is completely different and better than before. He is not living with us yet bc he has work to do to improve his relationship with my daughter (she was the focus of all his negative behaviour and bad attitude before his addiction came to light). We will be a family soon, finally

 

i thought nofap would help with my depression. it does at times.

 

I was just kinda searching on internet about whether porn is healthy or not. I guess I knew that I was watching a lot of porn and just wanted to make sure it is safe. I'm not sure what exactly motivated me even to ask that question. Maybe I unconsciously knew it was a problem. Or maybe it's because at that time I somehow got into magic, which made me question the very reality of the universe and with it basically everything.

Anyways, so I did some Google searches about the subject. Found out that it is indeed supposedly dangerous. Some symptoms I read about I had. Still was skeptical. Wasn't sure whether it's porn to blame and whether I am addicted or not though. Decided to do a nopaf experiment for a while to find out for sure. Better be safe than sorry I though. During that time I did indeed found out that it is an addiction and that it's worse than I though. I realized that I already hit the bottom without even noticing it. So now I'm working to get rid of it. I am lucky that I got woken up in rather gentle way, because of my own curiosity, rather then by a slap in my face cos of broken family, dead penis or maybe even jail. Who knows where it could have lead in another 10 or 20 years of time.

 

got HOCD, end of the story

 

it is not end of story. it is end of chapter of hocd. now in new chapter the hocd deals with nofap and there's war between hocd and nofap...

 

I'm familiar with the "phase", though for me it was just a "thing" that would pass. That's absolute bullshit.

What opened my eyes? My 9 month pregnant fiancée kicking my ass to the curb like yesterday's garbage.

 

I was quite shocked to read about this Ms Pants.

You found adult teen porn titles on his computer! Shock - horror! So what? Why wouldn't he be attracted to young women? It is normal for men to want young women, just as it is for women to want adult teen men. But you overreacted: "I freaked out with fear about the possibility that she was not safe in our home with him. I kicked him out of our house that day"! You go on to say: "He is now seeing that the teen content is wrong"! Please explain why this is!

 

All "content" is wrong, be it teen or adult... Teen is even wronger, though. Especially when you have a daughter of the age of "actors" you watch "perform". But then: this case is merely intensification of the devastating effects of pornography on human interactions.

He, who is capable of watching young girls commit prostitution in front of a camera, and then go have an innocent casual chat with his daughter, has got to have a sense of morality that I personally find revolting.

 

8yrs of no sex and flaccid rods woke me up

 

weaker erections for me . started researching and here i am

 

Erection problem for years. Funny thing is I first thought it was because of the cigarette (go figure). So I stopped smoking after 15 years lol. Then I read being in shape help against ED. So I got in shape. Then I first heard porn induce ED is a thing, so I drastically reduced watching porn but compensated with cyber sex. It took a while to finally pin point the real problem and act. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I knew what the problem was right from the start and simply didn't want to accept it.

 

My cousin told me about it. Reading the threads here made me curious about the benefits. I decided to give it a try. Changed my life.

 

I'm 25. I'm married. Last year I went on a stint and made it around 90 days without porn. I've watched porn since I was 6 years old. Fapped since I was 10. It's all I had EVER known. I didn't really think it ever was a problem. I've never experienced ED and I've pmo'd nearly every day of my life.

Here's where the problem kicked in. Relationships. I have a chip on my shoulder of being "the man". I don't have to be kind to people. I don't have to care what people think. This can be especially hard on significant others. I don't need her. That's a problem. I can be very quick to anger. I would never be abusive but my tolerance for BS is non existent.

I'm married now at 25. I love my wife and when I PMO I have 0 respect for her. It doesn't change that I love her. I just cannot explain the difference of when I am doing it and when I am not. There is a distinct meter of how much can I put up with. I almost resent her, for no apparent reason. When I stop, she's my world. She's everything and we get along so well, all the time. When I give in, it's seemingly the opposite. I can't express to you in words what the difference. I can almost feel it in my heart.

THIS is why I stopped. She has to remain the focus of my life. For my sake and hers. It makes us better. WE are stronger. It was so easy to realize the change. It was almost instant. It's helped us.

She knows when I PMO. She can tell within the same day. I have NEVER told her about it. She just tells me I'm being short with her and somethings wrong. Asks me if I am okay. It's a crazy thing that cannot be explained in words.

 

I absolutely freaked out! My daughter needs to be protected from men viewing her as sexually available. She is still a kid, just like those teen girls in those videos!

First of all, seeing the "teen" in the titles that I found, disturbed me because my daughter is in that age group and I invited a man (old enough to be her father) to live with us and found out he was getting off on girls her age. That is something that does not sit well with me as a mother. He should see that age group as what they are, too young and off limits. He should be able to see that they are the same age of girls that my daughter hangs out with, goes to school with and we invite over to our house because they are my daughters friends. When I found that, I couldn't trust that he was not looking at my daughter the same way he was looking at those videos. How am I supposed to know if he was actually interested in my daughter that way??

Secondly, I am not attracted to "adult" teen men, I see them as young and not sexually desirable whatsoever. I do not believe that 18 is an adult, regardless of what the law says. 18 year olds are still teens and most live at home with their parents and need support from adults in their lives (for a couple more years), in a non sexual way. So if an 18 year old just had their 18th birthday, they are suddenly deemed to be sexually available to all adults regardless of the adults age? 17 is off limits, but 18 is ready for adult life? No!

It is my job as a parent to protect my daughter at all costs. And teen porn is not always actually 18 year olds, many have fake IDs and get into porn underage. Why is it ok that men twice their age should feel it is right to get off on seeing teens in porn. I do not believe that grown men should see 18 year olds as ready for adult behaviours, grown men should see them for what they are, literally still teenagers and not sexual things that men can do what they want to them. I do not accept that it is natural for grown men to view teen porn as acceptable. Grown men should be looking at women, not barely legal teens that just finished puberty. If my SO was looking at that content while 20 years old, I would see it a bit differently than at his age of almost 40. He could be their father, and should think that way, especially with my daughter being in his life. Fathers and step-fathers should think about whether they would want other men viewing their daughter sexually like that.

Also at the time that I found that content, I had no idea if teen porn was of age anyway. The word "teen" says something about it being forbidden, and too young. That should be enough for a 40 year old to see how wrong that is. I had no idea if it was even legal porn, or if I would have the police kicking down my door and I would lose my job (I work with children/teens).

I am not sure of your age @SnL but as a parent figure, it should be viewed as completely wrong. My SO is starting to see that now. How could I take a chance with my daughter in the house and a man that is not her father getting off on girls her age? How could I feel safe thinking my child is dangled in front of him daily when he is interested in teen porn? What if he was interested in her? I didn't know at the time. What if he was interested in her friends or her teammates? How could I live with myself if he had been so wrapped up in it and decided to act on his teen interests? How could I live with myself knowing I invited him (a possible predator) into my home. I did not overract, I acted as any mother should and protected my daughter.

He is in therapy and his views of teen porn, and other porn are changing. I am feeling safer with him now. But if he continued to view teens as sexually ready for him to look at, think about, possibly act on, I would not be working to repair our relationship.

I hope this clarifies things for you

 

Thank you for your thoughts, you are spot on!

 

Thank you Ms Pants for trying to explain your previous post as to why you kicked your future husband(?) out the house.

Well, I don't know where you live, but it is legal where I live for 16 year olds to have sex, marry, have children and so on. But you seem to feel that others should view "The word "teen" says something about it being forbidden, and too young"! Well, you are entitled to your personal opinion, but it is out of step with the considered opinion of legislators. You can certainly not categorize teens as minors when they reach their 18th birthday. They are then, afforded the full rights as citizens of their country. That means they can have sex with anyone they wish. Some teens are attracted to middle aged men and women (and vice versa). I just don't understand why you have to introduce emotive concepts like 'predators' just because there is an age gap. What you are espousing is more of a societal viewpoint than anything with a sound basis.

Let us say that he adapts his view to yours, but retains his attraction for young women in their 20s - what happens then? Will you kick him out again to protect your daughter when she reaches 20? Then "teen" thing won't be relevant, but your other restrictive views will be the same. I find your views totally bizarre!

 

Obviously it is a societal view that is different from your society. Where I am from 18 is legal, but cannot drink alcohol or gamble until 21, which shows that 18 is not adult enough for everything where I come from. Also speaking neurologically, the brain does not fully develop until the age of 25. From the age of 15-25 is when the brain forms reasoning and logic and therefore I do not see how teens should be considered adults. I find that teens are still maturing and do not make the same type of decisions as adults do. As parents, we are supposed to protect our children when they are not able to make adult decisions. I do not believe teens should be married, and should definitely not be taken advantage of by adults who have fully developed reasoning and logic. But your societal views are clearly different than mine. But neurological development of the brain are consistent throughout all cultures.

 

Thankfully a lot of the net mums disagree with MsPants.

http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/...sband-watching-teenage-porn-internet-all.html

It's really quite wrong to tar him with the paedophile brush. Like mentioned before a lot of pornstars tend to be 18-25, then they wake up and get out of the game.

Even so, all porn is still unhealthy for any adult.