"What's the point anymore ?"

I, am a fraude. A lie, that is yet to be exposed. For real, who am I fooling ?!
I keep relapsing for the most stupidest reasons, being fully aware of the consequences. I know how I am going to feel aftwrwards, yet I still choose to act out. I Am digging my own grave by my will.
There are times when I say:"What tells me that this time is going to be diffirent ?" I've said it many times, and I just end up proving my point.
I've made plans, put strategies to overcome this addiction, I've read books, been going to the gym even before I really started getting addicted, yet the result is the same.
It feels like all my morals are based on looking good in other's eyes, and me joining nofap, was just me trying to relay on external things to fix my problem. Hell I might even be writing this just to persuade myself that I am trying. Trying ? My a*s, I'm just half assing it, always looking for the littlest excuse to jerk off. If I can't even control my self from wasting my energy on something I know I will regret, then I don't see myself going far in life. I feel like everything i've done and what I do, is fake. Faking up everything, I've never cared about others attention (or so i thought) yet here I am doubting myself, I know that's what my addicted self wants, to make me feel hopeless. Hell I know maybe everything there is to overcome this cursed addiction, yet I keep leaning towards the wrong direction everytime.
I've been trying to quite for over 8monthes, and the biggest "streak" is 13days, I know that counting is wrong, I know what abstaining only is not recovering, and so thats why I am working on other aspects of my life, yet the result is the same. 'Chaser effect' or whatever they call it, if it ever exists, then i might have the most persistant-bastard one.
My friends ? They don't take this seriously, and there is no way on earth I'm gonna tell this to my parents.
I need to know what I'm doing wrong ? Why I am not trying hard enough when it comes not to fap ? Why Am I so not deciplined ? And why I am becoming someone who breaks his promises, this is everything I wanted to say, I really would appreciate the slightiest help.
Sweet words ? I don't need them, I fully grasp my situation here, being bold and harsh might just trigger my ego to do better once more.